Re: Mothers Day Grief

[Guest guest]

so sorry for what you are going through. It sounds to me like your mom might be

BPD, but you need to do more research. Have you spoken to a therapist? What

books have your read? I recommend " Understanding a Borderline Mother " by

Lawson. I just finished it and I really related to it on many levels.

If she is BPD, maintaining a relationship with her will be your toughest task.

We all struggle with that here on a daily basis. I wish there was an easy answer

for you, and maybe other people in this group can give you one because there are

some really terrific and profound people here, but I cannot. We all struggle

with this. There is one side to BPD's that is friendly and warm, but it is

deeply masked by the angry, hurtful and bitter side that some, including myself,

cannot handle.

AJ

>

> Called my mom on Mother's Day and got a world of hurt. She sounded on the

verge of suicide & actually said something to the effect of " Im just sitting

here all by myself feeling sad and forgotten. " Pretty much ruined the next few

days for me. This led me to do some research and begin to think she could be

BPD. I really love one side of her personality - she has so many of the same

interests that I do & can be very fun to talk to - but I have held her at arm's

length for years because of her unpredictable " eruptions " of rage and anger.

How does one maintain a relationship with someone like this, and be supportive

of how difficult it must be to feel the way she feels, while protecting myself

from the hurt and guilt and self-doubt? Is it possible?

>

[Guest guest]

Check out bpdcentral.com You ll find a lot of good info to help you

determine if Mom may be BP.

Doug

>

> Called my mom on Mother's Day and got a world of hurt. She sounded on

the verge of suicide & actually said something to the effect of " Im just

sitting here all by myself feeling sad and forgotten. " Pretty much

ruined the next few days for me. This led me to do some research and

begin to think she could be BPD. I really love one side of her

personality - she has so many of the same interests that I do & can be

very fun to talk to - but I have held her at arm's length for years

because of her unpredictable " eruptions " of rage and anger. How does one

maintain a relationship with someone like this, and be supportive of how

difficult it must be to feel the way she feels, while protecting myself

from the hurt and guilt and self-doubt? Is it possible?

>

[Guest guest]

Honestly sugar BPDs are toxic, toxic people. Yes, they have difficult issues to

deal with, but those issues are their issues, and YOU do not have to rescue

them, nor do you have to take responsibility for them.

You are responsible for you and you only. Hopefully I'm accurate in saying that

has been a difficult lesson for most if not all of us to learn. But by rescuing

her or taking responsibility for her in any way, you are hurting BOTH of you.

The best thing you can do is allow her to face the natural consequences of her

actions.

For the situation you describe, natural consequences might mean calling for a

psych evaluation of your mother, to get her at least a chance at the help she

needs. If she was not serious in her suicide threat and undergoing a psych eval

is not something she wants to have happen again, maybe she will quit saying

stuff like that.

You personally need to prepare for her to react extremely negatively to

consequences if that is the path you choose. She will rage. She will get NASTY,

if she's a witch/waif nada. I recommend having someone you trust (and especially

who believes you about nada) there with you at all times when you interact with

nada. This at least gives you a witness and hopefully even reduces the things

your nada will do or say to you because of their drive to appear normal. For

what it's worth I have my husband NOT LEAVE MY ELBOW when I visit anywhere near

my stepnada.

Both my cents,

Tina

P.S. If you just joined, you missed many many posts about how much we all dread

mother's day. If you are still feeling a bit down, some of the posts might cheer

you up. There's a creepy poem that many of the KOs (Kids Of BPDs) modified from

its original creepy sugar-sweetness to reflect our weird-ass lives. That at

least will give you a glimmer of humor at the madness you suffer... hopefully,

again, hopefully.

P.P.S. Have you read Understanding the Borderline Mother? WELL worth the time.

>

> Called my mom on Mother's Day and got a world of hurt. She sounded on the

verge of suicide & actually said something to the effect of " Im just sitting

here all by myself feeling sad and forgotten. " Pretty much ruined the next few

days for me. This led me to do some research and begin to think she could be

BPD. I really love one side of her personality - she has so many of the same

interests that I do & can be very fun to talk to - but I have held her at arm's

length for years because of her unpredictable " eruptions " of rage and anger.

How does one maintain a relationship with someone like this, and be supportive

of how difficult it must be to feel the way she feels, while protecting myself

from the hurt and guilt and self-doubt? Is it possible?

>