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Alice in Wonderland

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i remember growing up, losing my childhood, at the age of 8. this was the age

when my little sister was born. i was no longer the object of nada's need or

desire, she now had a little baby who coddled her. i remember the rejection,

the oppressive lonliness- finding quiet alone spaces to retreat away from her.

my little sister grew up so she found a new husband and had a new baby- someone

else to need her. now that little sister is growing up and she is reaching out

for her grandchildren. my two sons are off limits- which drives her crazy. i

refuse to let her have time with them- simply because she is so unhealthy. she

wants to be a " token " grandma- having them around simply to have them around-

but never plays with them or takes interest in their lives.

i remember once reading that the child's life under a BPD parent is somewhat

like Alice in Wonderland- the chaos, the color, the delusion and madness- the

Queen of hearts. God, it's good to be free.

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