Does stress bring out fleas? Or is this normal?

[Guest guest]

Argh, I'm so frustrated. I'm scared that I might be acting like fada, but then

again I'm scared of not standing up for what I need.

My fiance and I are moving on Sunday to a city two states away, because his

disability keeps him from driving, and the town we live in right now absolutely

sucks as far as public transit goes. In order to do that, I had to quit the job

I loved at a public library. And we don't have a job in the new city

yet...either one of us. And I'm downright scared about money.

When I'm stressed, it's like I need to somehow bring the situation back under

control in order to feel safe again. So I've sometimes been riding my fiance to

get him to pack faster and to apply for more jobs--he's very methodical and that

makes him so sloooowwww and he needs frequent " breaks. " He's not all that

concerned about jobs, because he just a few minutes ago said that " we have $4000

in the bank account, which is enough for rent for a few months. " That SCARES me.

I'm moving to a city I really don't know. That SCARES me even more.

My fada is a control freak. And I'm afraid of being a control freak on my

fiance. I love him, and I don't want to do to him what my fada taught me by

example.

I freaked out on my fiance last night about jobs. It felt like he was

procrastinating about applying for jobs, so I have been applying like crazy for

jobs, researching places to work, searching their postings for stuff I'm

qualified for, and going through the whole application process...and I got short

with him last night trying to get him to apply for jobs too. And I started

really freaking out about jobs and money, and we got into an argument.

And we argued again tonight. He wanted to go over the wedding stuff before we

meet the priest on Thursday night. We have to fill out a sheet--who is EMHC,

lector, what songs we want, what readings we want... stuff we'd discussed but

just have to write it down on the paper. Perhaps I'm hyper sensitive, but I felt

like he was aggravated with me, and I felt stubborn, myself. We started arguing,

about what I'm not sure anymore, and I told him I needed a break to process

things to stop arguing, but then he jumped onto me about having too many breaks

and kept implying that I was trying to control him just because I don't want to

talk right then. I wanted space, but he wanted to follow me and talk. Finally I

just retreated into a room and shut the door, making him leave.

Ugh, something about stress makes me hyper-sensitive to anything that resembles

controlling behavior even when it's not. Like if my fiance put his arm around me

or a hand on the back of my head--loving guestures in other times--I take to

mean as a controlling movement and I completely shun it. That's why I needed

space. And I hate arguing.

Also during packing it's bringing about a whole host of emotions--going through

old stuff of mine that brings up memories of my family--my siblings whom I miss

terribly, and my parents, whom I keep having voices and events replay in my

mind. This afternoon, you know how you replay stuff visually in your mind? I

kept getting replays auditorially in my mind, of my dad yelling at me or

belittling me or questioning me. And it was disturbing me. Like I can't get away

from him still!

Damn stress. Is it normal to have this sort of reaction when stressed? Can

anyone relate? I'm just so frustrated all around, and it's bringing about all my

old coping mechanisms again, I think. I just want to yell and yell. I want to

run away. I want to be free of all this stress. Stuff that I wished I could do

when I was still living at home. And that's not helping my relationship with my

fiance.

The other part is that I feel focused on maximum efficiency with packing and the

larger " battle plan " for packing and moving, and am focused on getting SOME sort

of job in Chicago. My fiance is focused on the smaller things of packing and the

wedding, and is much more laid-back, and stress slows him down. Stress is making

me rev up. So these two opposing views toward packing and moving, and I'm sad

and reluctant to move, and my fiance is really happy about moving and the new

city.

so that's probably part of the conflict, too.

Anyway, sorry for this super long email. Even if nobody reads it, it feels good

to write it out. And if anybody has any viewpoints on stress and relationships,

that would be helpful.

~Holly