SWOE: The Workbook and dealing with my Mother

May 12, 2010

Good morning!

Being new to this forum I figured an introduction would be worthwhile. My name

is Hammond, 36 years old, and have only just realized how badly I've been

affected by my mother who has BPD. I'm in a professional career that I love, am

living with a woman whom I love, and am in good mental and physical health.

As I read through the SWOE Workbook, I finally understand how she has been

mean, manipulative, and made my life a living hell. She has also negatively

affected all members of both immediate and extended family plus all other

relations. That is why my spiritual and emotional health is so poor.

Recently, my mother gave me a note about the SWOE book, which was strangely

insulting since the way she did it seem to insinuate that either myself or my

fiance has BPD. (Blaming everyone but herself) This led to a couple of heated

emails to her on my part, which later I realized might not have been the best

way to do things. I have also realized how she has used my Father, who I love

dearly, to emotionally blackmail me throughout my life. At my birthday party (of

all things!!), the topic of conversation turned to the wild and weird things

that she has done over the years. This made me realize just how badly her

actions have affected not only myself, but of my friends as well.

Strangely enough, I have found that I have already taken pro-active steps to

stop this bad behaviour with the help of my fiance, who has recognized her own

faults (she has 3 of the 9 traits for BPD) and worked hard to deal with them in

her own fashion. One example is her complaining that I don't call her. Although

it is a legitimate complaint, she is more than capable of picking up the phone

and calling me. She is aware of my work schedule and knows she can get a hold of

me pretty much any time. If she takes the steps to improve the relationship

between her and I, then chances are I will talk to her more often. Otherwise, my

Dad is the only one I keep in touch with and have had semi-regular chats over

the phone.

I look forward to meeting with you all and talking more about how to deal with

our parents who are BPD.

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