why do I bother trying to explain??

[Guest guest]

I saw a good friend of mine yesterday; I hadn't seen her in a while and she

asked how my mother was.

Stupid me.

I said, " she's good; I've been able to cut down how often we talk and am trying

to set good boundaries with her. "

She said, " oh, the poor thing. does she still call you a lot? "

Me: Well, she had been for a while, but I've got her down to one quick call a

day.

Her: <gasp!> But, she's your MOther! tsk tsk tsk

At that point, I let her go on and then changed the subject.I really didn't want

to get into a big argument about it and hoped she would just understand as we'd

spoken about this in the past, but she's got some pretty big non-mother problems

going on and probably just didn't remember. Still...lucky her, her mother lives

on another continent and doesn't call her at all.

I'm sure if her mother was calling her with increasing frequency and agitation

every day, her tune would change.

Like I said, I know she's got her mind on other things and was probably just

talking on " automatic, " but it made me realize, once again, that not everyone,

in fact MOST people, will not understand/appreciate/GET what I'm saying.

I used to feel, after a conversation like this, a great need to justify and

explain myself, as well a lot of shame and guilt. But I'm not her. She's not me.

And her mother's not mine. And it feels really freeing to realize that.

I mean, don't get me wrong, I would have preferred for her to have patted me on

the back and congratulated me on my boundaries but it's my own fault for

thinking everyone will understand my situation.

Anyway, had to share! thanks for e-listening.

Fiona