Your experiences as parents

[Guest guest]

Hi, I'm new to the group. I am 34 and my husband and I have the niftiest little

13.5 month old in the world. I was in therapy a few years ago for a long time,

dealing with daddy issues - he has Narcissistic Personality Disorder

(undiagnosed). Whereas I was always aware that my mother was abusive (though I

did not have a name for it), the crazy stuff my dad did was causing some

dangerous problems at the time, so we worked on that first. Anyway, three years

later, I am going back into therapy to now work more deeply on my mommy issues -

she has BPD. (Yes, I know - lucky, lucky me...) Anyway, I feel like I am

grieving at a deeper level for myself and the things my mother did to me now

that I am myself a mother. When I look at my son, my beautiful, silly, energetic

and at times exasperating son, I simply cannot imagine doing to him what was

done to me. Over the past years, I've worked to create a tolerable and sometimes

enjoyable relationship with her - despite her splitting, projecting, raging and

dissociative behavior (the only thing missing is the physical violence) - but

now I'm feeling so, so angry and hurt again and I just don't want to talk to her

right now. Thank god she lives 3000 miles away bc that is about how far I want

her from my son - and it saves me from having to keep him from being alone with

her. She still talks about when she retires and moves here and all the fun they

will have when he stays at her house and she takes him on trips and right now, I

just want to tell her there is no way that is ever going to happen!!! Anyway,

I'm wondering if any of you went through a similar thing when you became parents

- old hurts resurfacing, redrawing boundary lines, etc.? What helped you?