Guest guest Posted May 16, 2010 Report Share Posted May 16, 2010 So, today I noticed that after doing EFT, a while back, I have become more aware of various issues regarding my " authentic self " . Basically, like some KO's, I've held back on being myself out of fear of rejection. So this was something I addressed with the EFT practitioner. She did some tapping, and we also discussed memories that came up for me and she helped me interpret them and the reason why they came up during the session. I've been noticing lately after the session that I've been coming more into my " own " self without fear of judgement. It is GREAT! The only thing is that today I noticed when I was talking to someone, I started feeling fear when they were talking to me and using a lot of eye contact. I really trust this person and they are a good friend to me, so I don't know why I felt strange. Up until that, I was fine. This has happened before (where I have trouble doing prolonged eye contact or dealing with a lot of attention). Maybe because I didnt get these growing up. Don't really know. So, basically, it seems the EFT has been working REALLY well in terms of me being myself, but when I am listening to someone else, or when I have prolonged eye contact, I feel like I'm withdrawing into myself again. I used to have really bad eye contact with people up until age 23. At the time I was even told, " you are still shy? But HOW old are you? " ...Twenty-three? and you are still like that? " ... I don't really get it I guess. I still have it but it seems if the EFT and my personal work has been addressing and helping me tremendously to be myself without much inhibition (except where absolutely necessary...) Then, it would seem out of place for me to still have this issue... If anyone has thoughts on this, let me know. It is confusing and a bit annoying. I wish I could just relax and BE present in the moment with ppl without being overly aware of these things. -Joy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 18, 2010 Report Share Posted May 18, 2010 yaay!! the work you are doing is sooo important i think.. and your progress is great.. remember these things go in steps sometimes.. baby steps even at times.. you will notice your strength and then you will notice your weaknesses both and you can take those weaknesses as opportunities for future and further growth. i understand your discomfort when others pay warm close attention to you.. i think you are right, we didnt have much or any of this when we were growing up.. and it takes some getting used to.. i know i am still struggling with this same issue with the same response as you.. and i try to accept myself for where i'm at.. skipping the disappointment and anger and judgments when i can. Â and trying to live in the moment with whatever comes up at the time. Â so easy to say and so terribly hard to do at times! Â hang in there and keep on keepin on.. best wishes and blessings, ann Subject: EFT and becoming " my own " To: WTOAdultChildren1 Date: Monday, May 17, 2010, 12:10 AM Â So, today I noticed that after doing EFT, a while back, I have become more aware of various issues regarding my " authentic self " . Basically, like some KO's, I've held back on being myself out of fear of rejection. So this was something I addressed with the EFT practitioner. She did some tapping, and we also discussed memories that came up for me and she helped me interpret them and the reason why they came up during the session. I've been noticing lately after the session that I've been coming more into my " own " self without fear of judgement. It is GREAT! The only thing is that today I noticed when I was talking to someone, I started feeling fear when they were talking to me and using a lot of eye contact. I really trust this person and they are a good friend to me, so I don't know why I felt strange. Up until that, I was fine. This has happened before (where I have trouble doing prolonged eye contact or dealing with a lot of attention). Maybe because I didnt get these growing up. Don't really know. So, basically, it seems the EFT has been working REALLY well in terms of me being myself, but when I am listening to someone else, or when I have prolonged eye contact, I feel like I'm withdrawing into myself again. I used to have really bad eye contact with people up until age 23. At the time I was even told, " you are still shy? But HOW old are you? " ...Twenty-three? and you are still like that? " ... I don't really get it I guess. I still have it but it seems if the EFT and my personal work has been addressing and helping me tremendously to be myself without much inhibition (except where absolutely necessary...) Then, it would seem out of place for me to still have this issue... If anyone has thoughts on this, let me know. It is confusing and a bit annoying. I wish I could just relax and BE present in the moment with ppl without being overly aware of these things. -Joy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 19, 2010 Report Share Posted May 19, 2010 I resonate with your posting, Joy. I've known for a while now that I an verrrry uncomfortable with one-on-one attention, or attention in a small group. I can get up in front of a hundred people and speak no problem, but attention from one person gives me the heebie jeebies. Why? Because my whole childhood, attention meant trouble. My goal was to stay invisible and walk on eggshells. If I was actually noticed, it was because BAD THINGS were about to happen and I was in trouble. As an adult, I really have to watch myself. I long for some quiet attention and to be listened to, but it feels dangerous. Just being aware that I'm delayed in this area is helpful, and I need to stay conscious and tell myself, " Attention is good, don't be afraid of this person, don't overreact, mirror their facial expressions and tone of voice, and stay with it. " I figure I'll fake it till I make it. Wouldn't it be nice to one day be normal? The only way I can get there is practice, practice. I am also watching " stupid " TV reality shows to see how the likeable people conduct themselves. Bret s on Celebrity Apprentice is beloved by everyone, and so I'm making a study of him, as well as others like Hart on ET. I know this sounds pretty stupid, but when it comes to this stuff, I'm a baby that grew up in the dark. I need to watch " likeable " people and see how they interact with others. If anybody has knowledge of practical exercises, videos, anything, to help with " accepting attention " issues, I'd love to hear about it. Sincerely, Away From Borderland > > > Subject: EFT and becoming " my own " > To: WTOAdultChildren1 > Date: Monday, May 17, 2010, 12:10 AM > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Â > > > > > > > > > > So, today I noticed that after doing EFT, a while back, I have become more aware of various issues regarding my " authentic self " . Basically, like some KO's, I've held back on being myself out of fear of rejection. So this was something I addressed with the EFT practitioner. > > > > She did some tapping, and we also discussed memories that came up for me and she helped me interpret them and the reason why they came up during the session. > > > > I've been noticing lately after the session that I've been coming more into my " own " self without fear of judgement. It is GREAT! > > > > The only thing is that today I noticed when I was talking to someone, I started feeling fear when they were talking to me and using a lot of eye contact. I really trust this person and they are a good friend to me, so I don't know why I felt strange. Up until that, I was fine. > > > > This has happened before (where I have trouble doing prolonged eye contact or dealing with a lot of attention). Maybe because I didnt get these growing up. Don't really know. > > > > So, basically, it seems the EFT has been working REALLY well in terms of me being myself, but when I am listening to someone else, or when I have prolonged eye contact, I feel like I'm withdrawing into myself again. > > > > I used to have really bad eye contact with people up until age 23. At the time I was even told, " you are still shy? But HOW old are you? " ...Twenty-three? and you are still like that? " ... > > > > I don't really get it I guess. I still have it but it seems if the EFT and my personal work has been addressing and helping me tremendously to be myself without much inhibition (except where absolutely necessary...) Then, it would seem out of place for me to still have this issue... > > > > If anyone has thoughts on this, let me know. It is confusing and a bit annoying. I wish I could just relax and BE present in the moment with ppl without being overly aware of these things. > > > > -Joy > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 19, 2010 Report Share Posted May 19, 2010 A.F.B. - I've written about this book before, but I'll recommend it again - it's called " Helping the Child Who Doesn't Fit In " and it's by a psychologist named Marshall Duke (he's at Emory) and another author whose name I can't recall just now. I'm sure there are also books for adults, but this one is designed to help parents coach their children in reading body language and facial expressions - all that non-verbal communication that tells you what people are really thinking. If you can find a copy at your library, you could take a look at the index and bibliography and find more sources there. You might also check out some books aimed at " management training " that discuss nonverbal communication or business etiquette - and there are even classes for that. Lots of folks who enter sales careers, or are from cultures other than the dominant mainstream one here in the U.S., get coaching to learn how to " work a room " or make cold sales calls. We actually had a seminar on this once at my job - it was designed for attorneys and staff who wanted to improve their interactions with clients and opposing counsel, and included a wine tasting (with an etiquette lesson about how to " do " cocktail parties and receptions). We all had a lot of fun and learned a ton that night. The good news is that these are SKILLS, not in-born talents. You can learn how to do this stuff, even if it feels awkward at first. > > > > From: Joy <joy.lynch54@> > > Subject: EFT and becoming " my own " > > To: WTOAdultChildren1 > > Date: Monday, May 17, 2010, 12:10 AM > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Â > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > So, today I noticed that after doing EFT, a while back, I have become more aware of various issues regarding my " authentic self " . Basically, like some KO's, I've held back on being myself out of fear of rejection. So this was something I addressed with the EFT practitioner. > > > > > > > > She did some tapping, and we also discussed memories that came up for me and she helped me interpret them and the reason why they came up during the session. > > > > > > > > I've been noticing lately after the session that I've been coming more into my " own " self without fear of judgement. It is GREAT! > > > > > > > > The only thing is that today I noticed when I was talking to someone, I started feeling fear when they were talking to me and using a lot of eye contact. I really trust this person and they are a good friend to me, so I don't know why I felt strange. Up until that, I was fine. > > > > > > > > This has happened before (where I have trouble doing prolonged eye contact or dealing with a lot of attention). Maybe because I didnt get these growing up. Don't really know. > > > > > > > > So, basically, it seems the EFT has been working REALLY well in terms of me being myself, but when I am listening to someone else, or when I have prolonged eye contact, I feel like I'm withdrawing into myself again. > > > > > > > > I used to have really bad eye contact with people up until age 23. At the time I was even told, " you are still shy? But HOW old are you? " ...Twenty-three? and you are still like that? " ... > > > > > > > > I don't really get it I guess. I still have it but it seems if the EFT and my personal work has been addressing and helping me tremendously to be myself without much inhibition (except where absolutely necessary...) Then, it would seem out of place for me to still have this issue... > > > > > > > > If anyone has thoughts on this, let me know. It is confusing and a bit annoying. I wish I could just relax and BE present in the moment with ppl without being overly aware of these things. > > > > > > > > -Joy > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 21, 2010 Report Share Posted May 21, 2010 Thanks, Ann! > > > Subject: EFT and becoming " my own " > To: WTOAdultChildren1 > Date: Monday, May 17, 2010, 12:10 AM > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Â > > > > > > > > > > So, today I noticed that after doing EFT, a while back, I have become more aware of various issues regarding my " authentic self " . Basically, like some KO's, I've held back on being myself out of fear of rejection. So this was something I addressed with the EFT practitioner. > > > > She did some tapping, and we also discussed memories that came up for me and she helped me interpret them and the reason why they came up during the session. > > > > I've been noticing lately after the session that I've been coming more into my " own " self without fear of judgement. It is GREAT! > > > > The only thing is that today I noticed when I was talking to someone, I started feeling fear when they were talking to me and using a lot of eye contact. I really trust this person and they are a good friend to me, so I don't know why I felt strange. Up until that, I was fine. > > > > This has happened before (where I have trouble doing prolonged eye contact or dealing with a lot of attention). Maybe because I didnt get these growing up. Don't really know. > > > > So, basically, it seems the EFT has been working REALLY well in terms of me being myself, but when I am listening to someone else, or when I have prolonged eye contact, I feel like I'm withdrawing into myself again. > > > > I used to have really bad eye contact with people up until age 23. At the time I was even told, " you are still shy? But HOW old are you? " ...Twenty-three? and you are still like that? " ... > > > > I don't really get it I guess. I still have it but it seems if the EFT and my personal work has been addressing and helping me tremendously to be myself without much inhibition (except where absolutely necessary...) Then, it would seem out of place for me to still have this issue... > > > > If anyone has thoughts on this, let me know. It is confusing and a bit annoying. I wish I could just relax and BE present in the moment with ppl without being overly aware of these things. > > > > -Joy > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 21, 2010 Report Share Posted May 21, 2010 Thank you everyone for your replies. I have also been praying and I think it is helping. I didn't realize it, but I have been praying a prayer I found online. I lost the link and i printed it out. Its kinda long, but it is about self-love and achieving it. I prayed it word for word and put " gusto " into it before I went to bed last night. I let every word resonate with me and my situation. 3/4 of the way through, I started to become " teary " and I realized that it will be helping me in the long run. Thanks all for your replies. PS. I think one of the reasons i feel uncomfortable with warm attention is that I can't even give it to myself fully. -Joy > > > Subject: EFT and becoming " my own " > To: WTOAdultChildren1 > Date: Monday, May 17, 2010, 12:10 AM > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Â > > > > > > > > > > So, today I noticed that after doing EFT, a while back, I have become more aware of various issues regarding my " authentic self " . Basically, like some KO's, I've held back on being myself out of fear of rejection. So this was something I addressed with the EFT practitioner. > > > > She did some tapping, and we also discussed memories that came up for me and she helped me interpret them and the reason why they came up during the session. > > > > I've been noticing lately after the session that I've been coming more into my " own " self without fear of judgement. It is GREAT! > > > > The only thing is that today I noticed when I was talking to someone, I started feeling fear when they were talking to me and using a lot of eye contact. I really trust this person and they are a good friend to me, so I don't know why I felt strange. Up until that, I was fine. > > > > This has happened before (where I have trouble doing prolonged eye contact or dealing with a lot of attention). Maybe because I didnt get these growing up. Don't really know. > > > > So, basically, it seems the EFT has been working REALLY well in terms of me being myself, but when I am listening to someone else, or when I have prolonged eye contact, I feel like I'm withdrawing into myself again. > > > > I used to have really bad eye contact with people up until age 23. At the time I was even told, " you are still shy? But HOW old are you? " ...Twenty-three? and you are still like that? " ... > > > > I don't really get it I guess. I still have it but it seems if the EFT and my personal work has been addressing and helping me tremendously to be myself without much inhibition (except where absolutely necessary...) Then, it would seem out of place for me to still have this issue... > > > > If anyone has thoughts on this, let me know. It is confusing and a bit annoying. I wish I could just relax and BE present in the moment with ppl without being overly aware of these things. > > > > -Joy > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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