Re: Now NC-discovering fleas

[Guest guest]

oh, yes, I think we all have fleas...how could we not, it's how we were

raised...I have over come a LOT of my fleas...a few are harder than others

.....

Jackie

Now that I am NC, I am starting to rebuild my life and start to become a

whole person. NC has really helped me rebuild my life and friendships as

well as learn to forgive myself for allowing it to happen for so long.

I am working on nada's " fleas " and wanted to know if anyone else has these:

Defensive-I am always on the defense with people and find it hard to put my

guard down. I find that whenever I am uncomfortable, it is when I am pushing

past my safe zone

Judgement- my nada was ALWAYS judging people. What they wore, how they

spoke, who they married, how their kids behaved, etc. I find myself doing

that sometimes. I notice that I do that, but, unlike my nada I don't cut

them off immediately and at least give them a chance.

Lack of compassion- I learned at a very young age that compassion and

kindness in any form led to absolute humiliation and destruction. Now that I

am separated from my nada, I find it hard to get the compassion back.

Anyone else deal with this? Has anyone else overcame it?

AJ

[Guest guest]

Oh yes! I find myself constantly on the defensive with my Husband. I also have

problems taking him at his word when it comes to some of

the smallest things! I have been trying to work on it but its hard.

Re: Now NC-discovering " fleas "

oh, yes, I think we all have fleas...how could we not, it's how we were

raised...I have over come a LOT of my fleas...a few are harder than others

.....

Jackie

Now that I am NC, I am starting to rebuild my life and start to become a

whole person. NC has really helped me rebuild my life and friendships as

well as learn to forgive myself for allowing it to happen for so long.

I am working on nada's " fleas " and wanted to know if anyone else has these:

Defensive-I am always on the defense with people and find it hard to put my

guard down. I find that whenever I am uncomfortable, it is when I am pushing

past my safe zone

Judgement- my nada was ALWAYS judging people. What they wore, how they

spoke, who they married, how their kids behaved, etc. I find myself doing

that sometimes. I notice that I do that, but, unlike my nada I don't cut

them off immediately and at least give them a chance.

Lack of compassion- I learned at a very young age that compassion and

kindness in any form led to absolute humiliation and destruction. Now that I

am separated from my nada, I find it hard to get the compassion back.

Anyone else deal with this? Has anyone else overcame it?

AJ

[Guest guest]

Has anyone here ever got over the fleas or have they lessoned over time. I am

also NC but I'm OVER THE FLEAS. How do we get them to go away? Any

suggestions. Seems one step forward two back. Just when I seem to be doing

well the fleas come again.

Kazam x

>

> oh, yes, I think we all have fleas...how could we not, it's how we were

> raised...I have over come a LOT of my fleas...a few are harder than others

> ....

>

> Jackie

>

>

>

>

> Now that I am NC, I am starting to rebuild my life and start to become a

> whole person. NC has really helped me rebuild my life and friendships as

> well as learn to forgive myself for allowing it to happen for so long.

>

> I am working on nada's " fleas " and wanted to know if anyone else has these:

>

> Defensive-I am always on the defense with people and find it hard to put my

> guard down. I find that whenever I am uncomfortable, it is when I am pushing

> past my safe zone

>

> Judgement- my nada was ALWAYS judging people. What they wore, how they

> spoke, who they married, how their kids behaved, etc. I find myself doing

> that sometimes. I notice that I do that, but, unlike my nada I don't cut

> them off immediately and at least give them a chance.

>

> Lack of compassion- I learned at a very young age that compassion and

> kindness in any form led to absolute humiliation and destruction. Now that I

> am separated from my nada, I find it hard to get the compassion back.

>

> Anyone else deal with this? Has anyone else overcame it?

>

> AJ

>

[Guest guest]

I can understand. I am with you right now. I am so over it. I am so tired

of it. I've quit therapy because I am so over it. I'm tired of dealing with

it.

In a message dated 6/5/2010 7:42:19 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

kazam77769@... writes:

Has anyone here ever got over the fleas or have they lessoned over time. I

am also NC but I'm OVER THE FLEAS. How do we get them to go away? Any

suggestions. Seems one step forward two back. Just when I seem to be doing well

the fleas come again.

Kazam x

>

> oh, yes, I think we all have fleas...how could we not, it's how we were

> raised...I have over come a LOT of my fleas...a few are harder than

others

> ....

>

> Jackie

>

>

>

>

> Now that I am NC, I am starting to rebuild my life and start to become a

> whole person. NC has really helped me rebuild my life and friendships as

> well as learn to forgive myself for allowing it to happen for so long.

>

> I am working on nada's " fleas " and wanted to know if anyone else has

these:

>

> Defensive-I am always on the defense with people and find it hard to put

my

> guard down. I find that whenever I am uncomfortable, it is when I am

pushing

> past my safe zone

>

> Judgement- my nada was ALWAYS judging people. What they wore, how they

> spoke, who they married, how their kids behaved, etc. I find myself

doing

> that sometimes. I notice that I do that, but, unlike my nada I don't cut

> them off immediately and at least give them a chance.

>

> Lack of compassion- I learned at a very young age that compassion and

> kindness in any form led to absolute humiliation and destruction. Now

that I

> am separated from my nada, I find it hard to get the compassion back.

>

> Anyone else deal with this? Has anyone else overcame it?

>

> AJ

>

[Guest guest]

I was really struck by your last paragraph. I have never understood the lack of

empathy that so many people with personality disorders have and that sentence

has clarified so much for me. Thank you so much, it makes perfect sense, really.

I think it's a process. I am not far enough away from it yet but I really do

hope to be NC one day and then I am sure my fleas will be jumping out every

where.

>

> Now that I am NC, I am starting to rebuild my life and start to become a whole

person. NC has really helped me rebuild my life and friendships as well as learn

to forgive myself for allowing it to happen for so long.

>

> I am working on nada's " fleas " and wanted to know if anyone else has these:

>

> Defensive-I am always on the defense with people and find it hard to put my

guard down. I find that whenever I am uncomfortable, it is when I am pushing

past my safe zone

>

> Judgement- my nada was ALWAYS judging people. What they wore, how they spoke,

who they married, how their kids behaved, etc. I find myself doing that

sometimes. I notice that I do that, but, unlike my nada I don't cut them off

immediately and at least give them a chance.

>

> Lack of compassion- I learned at a very young age that compassion and kindness

in any form led to absolute humiliation and destruction. Now that I am separated

from my nada, I find it hard to get the compassion back.

>

> Anyone else deal with this? Has anyone else overcame it?

>

> AJ

>

[Guest guest]

you have to be very conscience of the fleas and how you act....then you have

to make an effort to change how you act...it's not easy but it IS doable !!

Jackie

Has anyone here ever got over the fleas or have they lessoned over time. I

am also NC but I'm OVER THE FLEAS. How do we get them to go away? Any

suggestions. Seems one step forward two back. Just when I seem to be doing

well the fleas come again.

Kazam x

[Guest guest]

Yes...working very hard at it...huge chip on my shoulder.

patinage:)

>

> Now that I am NC, I am starting to rebuild my life and start to become a whole

person. NC has really helped me rebuild my life and friendships as well as learn

to forgive myself for allowing it to happen for so long.

>

> I am working on nada's " fleas " and wanted to know if anyone else has these:

>

> Defensive-I am always on the defense with people and find it hard to put my

guard down. I find that whenever I am uncomfortable, it is when I am pushing

past my safe zone

>

> Judgement- my nada was ALWAYS judging people. What they wore, how they spoke,

who they married, how their kids behaved, etc. I find myself doing that

sometimes. I notice that I do that, but, unlike my nada I don't cut them off

immediately and at least give them a chance.

>

> Lack of compassion- I learned at a very young age that compassion and kindness

in any form led to absolute humiliation and destruction. Now that I am separated

from my nada, I find it hard to get the compassion back.

>

> Anyone else deal with this? Has anyone else overcame it?

>

> AJ

>

[Guest guest]

Just wondering if anyone has read anything on working with the FLEAS and how to

overcome this problem and re-programme ourselves not to react. I suppose it is

sort of like PTSD. Maybe I am wrong. Any thoughts?

>

> Now that I am NC, I am starting to rebuild my life and start to become a whole

person. NC has really helped me rebuild my life and friendships as well as learn

to forgive myself for allowing it to happen for so long.

>

> I am working on nada's " fleas " and wanted to know if anyone else has these:

>

> Defensive-I am always on the defense with people and find it hard to put my

guard down. I find that whenever I am uncomfortable, it is when I am pushing

past my safe zone

>

> Judgement- my nada was ALWAYS judging people. What they wore, how they spoke,

who they married, how their kids behaved, etc. I find myself doing that

sometimes. I notice that I do that, but, unlike my nada I don't cut them off

immediately and at least give them a chance.

>

> Lack of compassion- I learned at a very young age that compassion and kindness

in any form led to absolute humiliation and destruction. Now that I am separated

from my nada, I find it hard to get the compassion back.

>

> Anyone else deal with this? Has anyone else overcame it?

>

> AJ

>