Re: the things we teach kids screwed me UP!

June 3, 2010

That whole " fair " thing is a big deal for me.

Growing up, everything was so completely unfair. Trap after trap, set-up after

set-up, crazy-making abuse after twisted rules to fit nada's shifting neediness.

If only things would have been more fair, imagine how much pain I would have

avoided.

I don't know--I think it is a strong reaction against how UNFAIR our world was.

It's still with me, too.

I get it.

Blessings,

Karla

>

> I grew up thinking in terms of black and white. It has caused me all

sorts of trouble. I expected all those things parents, teachers, books, kids tv

programs teach us: that good=good and bad=bad. Everyone shares. Everyone waits

their turn. Everyone looks out for each other. Bad people get punished. You get

my drift. Well, since my Mom was BAD and hurt me terribly, I started being hyper

sensitive to any unjust look, statement, or behavior from anyone, and at the

first sign of trouble, I'd bolt. They'd be permanently removed from my life. I

left a lot of people stunned, unsure of what they'd done. It took me YEARS to

figure out that there is no black or white in life. Everything is shades of

gray. Perhaps that person misunderstood. Or I did. Or they had a bad day. That

did not necessarily make them a danger to me. I see now that it was a natural

reaction to being abused. I was trying to protect myself.

> I was SO hung up on the fair thing. Everthing should be fair. People

should treat others well unless done wrong by them. People should be courteous.

People should be kind to kids and animals. Well, since life is NOT like that

very often I was enraged, confused, sad, and lost my faith in humanity for a

long time. I finally realized, what you see isn't always what you get, and am

learning to accept shades of gray into my life. I am so much happier and more at

peace now. I hope this helps someone else that might be struggling with this

issue. Much love.

>

June 6, 2010

" Well, since my Mom was BAD and hurt me terribly, I started being

hypersensitive to any unjust look, statement, or behavior from anyone, and at

the first sign of trouble, I'd bolt. They'd be permanently removed from my

life. "

Hadtomuch, I struggled with this too, and realized that it was a learned

behavior from my fada. This is borderline behavior and we always pick up their

fleas. The difference is we can learn that other people have bad days and are

distracted and often times their looks and behavior do not pertain to us.

Whereas a borderline owns this behavior. They believe it from their core.

Every little look or action is about them. I had a bpd employee for about a

year and she was exactly this way. Any tone of voice a customer had, every

little thing was highly personal to her. And she never forgot one thing a

customer did. Never cut them any slack. They were forever the enemy.(Never mind

they were spending hundreds of dollars in the store.)I'd say you know " B " you

never know what's going on with folks. They could be going thru a divorce or

worried about their kid. Ultimately, she quit over some imagined wrong. We were

stunned. It was like what the heck happened but in the long run we were all glad

the drama was gone.