Re: BPD and un-resolved Childhood Abuse

[Guest guest]

Makes sense but I have to say SO WHAT?

If they acknowledge there was a history of sexual abuse, then they have the

responsiblity to take care of themselves and get the help that is available.

Period. To be an adult means to take care of yourself and not use 'other

people' as an excuse for inaction on what is fixable and what isn't. That's not

saying that sexual abuse is the victims fault, that's saying that it IS the

victim's responsiblitiy to take care of self and not weaponize another person's

bad actions to keep the injury and harm alive and well. Sorta a realistic

approach to, " The buck stops here! "

Lynnette - yes, I was also abused (in the care of Nada)... but I don't get to

'use it' to cause chaos and destruction to myself or others. I've dealt with it

and moved on. Nada's can't/won't do that. Ever.

>

> Hi All,

>

> I've been thinking, (oh dear lol) does BPD seem to only affect people who have

a histroy of childhood abuse?  It seems to be very closely linked.  Or do people

who do not have a history of child abuse suffer from it too?

>

> My mother suffers from BPD and she is very histrionic, apologies for my

spelling!!!  She has had numerous affairs behind my step fathers back, any man

that pays her attention she jumps into bed with, but Im thinking this is because

she was sexually abused by her dad as a child and never dealt with

it.........think about it, she could never say NO to her abuser when she was a

child, through fear etc, and being a child, and everything else that goes with

how those sickos get you to think when being abused, so now even though she is

an adult, she has carried that fear of saying NO through to her adult

relationships...........so when a man approches her she has an inability to say

NO through the years of being abused as a child.

>

>

> Does this makes sense??

>

>

> Sorry if I am rambling.

>

> xx

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Totally agree with what you are saying Lynnette.  I was also abused, but Im in

the process of dealing with it, and making connections etc, whereas my nada will

never deal with it, and she will play " victim " all her life.

Dont you ever feel like a chess piece with nada, like everything is just one big

huge game and we are the pawns in the game of chess, whilst they are the Queens

lol x

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Sun, June 13, 2010 7:41:10 PM

Subject: Re: BPD and un-resolved Childhood Abuse

 

Makes sense but I have to say SO WHAT?

If they acknowledge there was a history of sexual abuse, then they have the

responsiblity to take care of themselves and get the help that is available.

Period. To be an adult means to take care of yourself and not use 'other people'

as an excuse for inaction on what is fixable and what isn't. That's not saying

that sexual abuse is the victims fault, that's saying that it IS the victim's

responsiblitiy to take care of self and not weaponize another person's bad

actions to keep the injury and harm alive and well. Sorta a realistic approach

to, " The buck stops here! "

Lynnette - yes, I was also abused (in the care of Nada)... but I don't get to

'use it' to cause chaos and destruction to myself or others. I've dealt with it

and moved on. Nada's can't/won't do that. Ever.

>

> Hi All,

>

> I've been thinking, (oh dear lol) does BPD seem to only affect people who have

a histroy of childhood abuse?  It seems to be very closely linked.  Or do

people who do not have a history of child abuse suffer from it too?

>

> My mother suffers from BPD and she is very histrionic, apologies for my

spelling!!!  She has had numerous affairs behind my step fathers back, any man

that pays her attention she jumps into bed with, but Im thinking this is because

she was sexually abused by her dad as a child and never dealt with

it.........think about it, she could never say NO to her abuser when she was a

child, through fear etc, and being a child, and everything else that goes with

how those sickos get you to think when being abused, so now even though she is

an adult, she has carried that fear of saying NO through to her adult

relationships...........so when a man approches her she has an inability to say

NO through the years of being abused as a child.

>

>

> Does this makes sense??

>

>

> Sorry if I am rambling.

>

> xx

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I walked off the Chess Board as of late. She can be the Queen. Without a

Kingdom. With ever revolving players. I won't play.

Lynnette

> >

> > Hi All,

> >

> > I've been thinking, (oh dear lol) does BPD seem to only affect people who

have a histroy of childhood abuse?  It seems to be very closely linked.  Or do

people who do not have a history of child abuse suffer from it too?

> >

> > My mother suffers from BPD and she is very histrionic, apologies for my

spelling!!!  She has had numerous affairs behind my step fathers back, any man

that pays her attention she jumps into bed with, but Im thinking this is because

she was sexually abused by her dad as a child and never dealt with

it.........think about it, she could never say NO to her abuser when she was a

child, through fear etc, and being a child, and everything else that goes with

how those sickos get you to think when being abused, so now even though she is

an adult, she has carried that fear of saying NO through to her adult

relationships...........so when a man approches her she has an inability to say

NO through the years of being abused as a child.

> >

> >

> > Does this makes sense??

> >

> >

> > Sorry if I am rambling.

> >

> > xx

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

NO it doesnt !! my nada was NOT abused as a child...she was spoiled rotten

!! Ihave spoken to nadas siblings when they were alive, and NONE of them

say anything about abuse, and even nada has never said she was abused...

Jackie

Hi All,

I've been thinking, (oh dear lol) does BPD seem to only affect people who

have a histroy of childhood abuse? It seems to be very closely linked. Or do

people who do not have a history of child abuse suffer from it too?

My mother suffers from BPD and she is very histrionic, apologies for my

spelling!!! She has had numerous affairs behind my step fathers back, any

man that pays her attention she jumps into bed with, but Im thinking this is

because she was sexually abused by her dad as a child and never dealt with

it.........think about it, she could never say NO to her abuser when she was

a child, through fear etc, and being a child, and everything else that goes

with how those sickos get you to think when being abused, so now even though

she is an adult, she has carried that fear of saying NO through to her adult

relationships...........so when a man approches her she has an inability to

say NO through the years of being abused as a child.

Does this makes sense??

Sorry if I am rambling.

xx

[Guest guest]

That could well make sense where your mother in particular is

concerned. I don't think you can generalize it though.

My nada was never abused by any accounts I've ever heard, from

her or from her siblings and other people who knew her when she

was young. She may not have had the childhood she'd have liked,

but abuse wasn't part of it as far as I can tell. Poorness was

part of it, which I think she found horribly upsetting. My nada

claims her mother was a horrible person, but as far as I can

tell the big complaints were that my nada didn't like the

religion her parents joined and she didn't like being told what

to do. Having her father die when she was young didn't help

anything either, but that doesn't count as abuse.

One thing you should consider when thinking about this is that

BPD alters the way its victims perceive the things that happen

to them. Many of them claim abuse where none happened. I think

the ones who do that mostly believe the lies they tell. BPD

causes their emotions to be out of control. Things that don't

bother normal people feel like personal attacks to them, thus

they feel abused when they weren't. Being told " no " by their

parents was probably far more traumatic for them than it is for

normal people. They are also good at rewriting history in their

heads to justify their own feelings.

That being said, I think that as a group, they probably do have

a higher than typical level of childhood abuse because BPD seems

to have genetic links and if you have a parent with BPD, you're

more likely to have been abused somehow as a child.

Even if they were abused, being abused doesn't justify abusing

others.

At 02:31 PM 06/13/2010 Newton wrote:

>Hi All,

>

>I've been thinking, (oh dear lol) does BPD seem to only affect

>people who have a histroy of childhood abuse? It seems to be

>very closely linked. Or do people who do not have a history of

>child abuse suffer from it too?

>

>My mother suffers from BPD and she is very histrionic,

>apologies for my spelling!!! She has had numerous affairs

>behind my step fathers back, any man that pays her attention

>she jumps into bed with, but Im thinking this is because she

>was sexually abused by her dad as a child and never dealt with

>it.........think about it, she could never say NO to her abuser

>when she was a child, through fear etc, and being a child, and

>everything else that goes with how those sickos get you to

>think when being abused, so now even though she is an adult,

>she has carried that fear of saying NO through to her adult

>relationships...........so when a man approches her she has an

>inability to say NO through the years of being abused as a

>child.

>

>

>Does this makes sense??

>

>

>Sorry if I am rambling.

>

> xx

--

Katrina

[Guest guest]

My Nada claims horrible abuse at the hands of her father. But when pressed for

a little more 'specifics' she won't say anything - just cries and says she can't

talk about it. She's 63. While her siblings verify that their dad was a yeller

and was physically abusive, one time, to one of the kids, NO ONE will back my

Nada's claims of horrendous sexual abuse... and there were 6 kids in the family.

Doesn't mean it didn't happen. Just means that details are no supported. Also

means that, at age 63 - and with all the therapy she's claimed to have learned

and grown from - she needs to stop blaming Daddy.

Lynnette

> >Hi All,

> >

> >I've been thinking, (oh dear lol) does BPD seem to only affect

> >people who have a histroy of childhood abuse? It seems to be

> >very closely linked. Or do people who do not have a history of

> >child abuse suffer from it too?

> >

> >My mother suffers from BPD and she is very histrionic,

> >apologies for my spelling!!! She has had numerous affairs

> >behind my step fathers back, any man that pays her attention

> >she jumps into bed with, but Im thinking this is because she

> >was sexually abused by her dad as a child and never dealt with

> >it.........think about it, she could never say NO to her abuser

> >when she was a child, through fear etc, and being a child, and

> >everything else that goes with how those sickos get you to

> >think when being abused, so now even though she is an adult,

> >she has carried that fear of saying NO through to her adult

> >relationships...........so when a man approches her she has an

> >inability to say NO through the years of being abused as a

> >child.

> >

> >

> >Does this makes sense??

> >

> >

> >Sorry if I am rambling.

> >

> > xx

>

> --

> Katrina

>

[Guest guest]

According to my NADA she was horribly abused by her mother. Her younger sister

does say that there was some " abuse " , but when pressed for details, to me it

sounds like typical teenager rebellion and parents being rather strict.

The baby Aunt of mine thinks that they're both insane and she didn't remember

seeing any such abuse. She is 7 years younger than my mom, so it isn't like

there is a BIG gap.

My mother however is a straight up liar always making herself out to be the

victim in EVERYTHING. So, who knows.

>

> Hi All,

>

> I've been thinking, (oh dear lol) does BPD seem to only affect people who have

a histroy of childhood abuse?  It seems to be very closely linked.  Or do people

who do not have a history of child abuse suffer from it too?

>

> My mother suffers from BPD and she is very histrionic, apologies for my

spelling!!!  She has had numerous affairs behind my step fathers back, any man

that pays her attention she jumps into bed with, but Im thinking this is because

she was sexually abused by her dad as a child and never dealt with

it.........think about it, she could never say NO to her abuser when she was a

child, through fear etc, and being a child, and everything else that goes with

how those sickos get you to think when being abused, so now even though she is

an adult, she has carried that fear of saying NO through to her adult

relationships...........so when a man approches her she has an inability to say

NO through the years of being abused as a child.

>

>

> Does this makes sense??

>

>

> Sorry if I am rambling.

>

> xx

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Nada wasn't abused and from all accounts had a happy childhood.

However, from what I gather her mother was mentally ill. Nada told me

in a rather garbled way that they had a live-in housekeeper who was

picked up at a mental hospital, so it seems she was a pysch nurse

acting as housekeeper.

Sent from my blueberry.

> NO it doesnt !! my nada was NOT abused as a child...she was spoiled

> rotten

> !! Ihave spoken to nadas siblings when they were alive, and NONE of

> them

> say anything about abuse, and even nada has never said she was

> abused...

>

> Jackie

>

> Hi All,

>

> I've been thinking, (oh dear lol) does BPD seem to only affect

> people who

> have a histroy of childhood abuse? It seems to be very closely

> linked. Or do

> people who do not have a history of child abuse suffer from it too?

>

> My mother suffers from BPD and she is very histrionic, apologies for

> my

> spelling!!! She has had numerous affairs behind my step fathers

> back, any

> man that pays her attention she jumps into bed with, but Im thinking

> this is

> because she was sexually abused by her dad as a child and never

> dealt with

> it.........think about it, she could never say NO to her abuser when

> she was

> a child, through fear etc, and being a child, and everything else

> that goes

> with how those sickos get you to think when being abused, so now

> even though

> she is an adult, she has carried that fear of saying NO through to

> her adult

> relationships...........so when a man approches her she has an

> inability to

> say NO through the years of being abused as a child.

>

> Does this makes sense??

>

> Sorry if I am rambling.

>

> xx

>

>

[Guest guest]

There are instances of children being born raging BP's with a perfectly normal

home life. The parents have done everything right and still they're BP. It

happens.

--.

[Guest guest]

In my reading, the jury is out on the question. There is a correlation

between childhood abuse and BPD, but is abuse a causative factor or not?

No one seems to say conclusively. We can state that at least some adult

BPD s were abused.

We can equally state that some sexually abused children, myself for

example, do not develop BPD.

Finding the cause is helpful, but not the be all and end all. As

Lynette stated, so what? If abuse caused your issues, it is a terrible

thing, and should not have happened. But, you are responsible for your

actions, your choice to heal, and the damage you perpetuate.

There are places where a person can choose to heal, BPD, Addictions, to

name a couple.

It is a hard choice to make. I empathize with those who must choose it.

It is not an easy path.

Still, for those of us subjected to the emotional fire storm that was

nada, it is cold comfort. We can empathize, but still endure hell for

their choices.

In the end, the only decision we can make is to heal ourselves.

Doug

>

> Hi All,

>

> I've been thinking, (oh dear lol) does BPD seem to only affect people

who have a histroy of childhood abuse? It seems to be very closely

linked. Or do people who do not have a history of child abuse suffer

from it too?

>

> My mother suffers from BPD and she is very histrionic, apologies for

my spelling!!! She has had numerous affairs behind my step fathers

back, any man that pays her attention she jumps into bed with, but Im

thinking this is because she was sexually abused by her dad as a child

and never dealt with it.........think about it, she could never say NO

to her abuser when she was a child, through fear etc, and being a child,

and everything else that goes with how those sickos get you to think

when being abused, so now even though she is an adult, she has carried

that fear of saying NO through to her adult relationships...........so

when a man approches her she has an inability to say NO through the

years of being abused as a child.

>

>

> Does this makes sense??

>

>

> Sorry if I am rambling.

>

> xx

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

My mother claimed she was sexually abused too. It varied from person to

person and depending on what mood she was in. She never told specifics either.

She was 62 when she died in 2007. At some points she claimed she had a

perfect childhood....I do know my grandmother was severely mean to my mother

(she was BPD too).

In a message dated 6/13/2010 3:31:20 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

h_l_maston@... writes:

My Nada claims horrible abuse at the hands of her father. But when pressed

for a little more 'specifics' she won't say anything - just cries and says

she can't talk about it. She's 63. While her siblings verify that their dad

was a yeller and was physically abusive, one time, to one of the kids, NO

ONE will back my Nada's claims of horrendous sexual abuse... and there were

6 kids in the family.

Doesn't mean it didn't happen. Just means that details are no supported.

Also means that, at age 63 - and with all the therapy she's claimed to have

learned and grown from - she needs to stop blaming Daddy.

Lynnette

> >Hi All,

> >

> >I've been thinking, (oh dear lol) does BPD seem to only affect

> >people who have a histroy of childhood abuse? It seems to be

> >very closely linked. Or do people who do not have a history of

> >child abuse suffer from it too?

> >

> >My mother suffers from BPD and she is very histrionic,

> >apologies for my spelling!!! She has had numerous affairs

> >behind my step fathers back, any man that pays her attention

> >she jumps into bed with, but Im thinking this is because she

> >was sexually abused by her dad as a child and never dealt with

> >it.........think about it, she could never say NO to her abuser

> >when she was a child, through fear etc, and being a child, and

> >everything else that goes with how those sickos get you to

> >think when being abused, so now even though she is an adult,

> >she has carried that fear of saying NO through to her adult

> >relationships...........so when a man approches her she has an

> >inability to say NO through the years of being abused as a

> >child.

> >

> >

> >Does this makes sense??

> >

> >

> >Sorry if I am rambling.

> >

> > xx

>

> --

> Katrina

>