Guest guest Posted June 7, 2010 Report Share Posted June 7, 2010 So does your BPD mother live with you and your providing eldercare for her outside of the breaks from the hired help? If so, my prayers are with you. Do you have any option to put her in a different living situation? I'm glad that the helper acknowledged the reality of how she is - it can mean so much and be so unexpected. > > Best thing I've ever done is hire someone to come in the mornings and early afternoons to tend my bpd, dementia mom. Other wise she drives me insane. She will not leave me alone. It reminds me of life growing up as her child in this hell hole, and how I'd just give up and sit and watch TV for hours, doing nothing else so that she would leave me alone. She'd just look at me, nothing to criticize or have a tantrum over, get bored and leave. I wasted years. And feel stuck with this nut again...insistently harping at me. > > The lady I hired even noticed it and said, " She is constantly on you! " And she kept repeating it with this horrified look on her face. > > I said, " Yes, she is. " And felt validated for possibly the first time in regards to this insanity. " That is why I have hired you. " I said. " I can't take it anymore. She drives me insane. " > > " I can see why. " She said. And added, " I think she is trying to be codependent with you. " Probably, that is part of it as she had an alcoholic father. But, mostly I see it as frantic, insane borderline personality. It's all about her, her, her all the time. She doesn't want you to have a life or do anything that is not revolving around her. > > When people tell me the elderly become very self centered. I'm thinking...pfffttt. When hasn't she been. > > I'm thinking of spending the rest of her money getting even more help to tend her. Best thin in the world. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 7, 2010 Report Share Posted June 7, 2010 Yes, she lives with me and I'm her caretaker. I did not want this role and realized it was horrible for me. But, I took it on as I could not take watching my Narc, brother and sister abuse and take advantage anymore. But, I'm realizing more and more that this needs to be me as organizer of others doing the caretaking. When she is so bad that she no longer remembers her home, I am putting her in a care center. Until, then it would break her heart. And I plan to sell her home to pay for her care at that point. As she has been left with quite limited funds. > > > > Best thing I've ever done is hire someone to come in the mornings and early afternoons to tend my bpd, dementia mom. Other wise she drives me insane. She will not leave me alone. It reminds me of life growing up as her child in this hell hole, and how I'd just give up and sit and watch TV for hours, doing nothing else so that she would leave me alone. She'd just look at me, nothing to criticize or have a tantrum over, get bored and leave. I wasted years. And feel stuck with this nut again...insistently harping at me. > > > > The lady I hired even noticed it and said, " She is constantly on you! " And she kept repeating it with this horrified look on her face. > > > > I said, " Yes, she is. " And felt validated for possibly the first time in regards to this insanity. " That is why I have hired you. " I said. " I can't take it anymore. She drives me insane. " > > > > " I can see why. " She said. And added, " I think she is trying to be codependent with you. " Probably, that is part of it as she had an alcoholic father. But, mostly I see it as frantic, insane borderline personality. It's all about her, her, her all the time. She doesn't want you to have a life or do anything that is not revolving around her. > > > > When people tell me the elderly become very self centered. I'm thinking...pfffttt. When hasn't she been. > > > > I'm thinking of spending the rest of her money getting even more help to tend her. Best thin in the world. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 8, 2010 Report Share Posted June 8, 2010 Hi Friendsofcam, that does sound like an impossible situation. I know I've made some decisions of greater involvement with my nada than is healthy for me and some say " walk away! " and yet I do feel the reasons are valid too. I guess it just comes down to what we can live with ultimately. One tip I'd share from when I was looking preemptively into nursing home options. You can get your nada into a far better home if she has more money to start because when she runs out (depending on your state) and has to shift to Medicaid the law will force them to keep her and accept Medicaid payment. If you reverse mortgage the home to keep your nada in it longer and use the money for helpers, but then she's really broke when it comes time for the home, some of the homes you might want won't even let her in. > > > > > > Best thing I've ever done is hire someone to come in the mornings and early afternoons to tend my bpd, dementia mom. Other wise she drives me insane. She will not leave me alone. It reminds me of life growing up as her child in this hell hole, and how I'd just give up and sit and watch TV for hours, doing nothing else so that she would leave me alone. She'd just look at me, nothing to criticize or have a tantrum over, get bored and leave. I wasted years. And feel stuck with this nut again...insistently harping at me. > > > > > > The lady I hired even noticed it and said, " She is constantly on you! " And she kept repeating it with this horrified look on her face. > > > > > > I said, " Yes, she is. " And felt validated for possibly the first time in regards to this insanity. " That is why I have hired you. " I said. " I can't take it anymore. She drives me insane. " > > > > > > " I can see why. " She said. And added, " I think she is trying to be codependent with you. " Probably, that is part of it as she had an alcoholic father. But, mostly I see it as frantic, insane borderline personality. It's all about her, her, her all the time. She doesn't want you to have a life or do anything that is not revolving around her. > > > > > > When people tell me the elderly become very self centered. I'm thinking...pfffttt. When hasn't she been. > > > > > > I'm thinking of spending the rest of her money getting even more help to tend her. Best thin in the world. > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 9, 2010 Report Share Posted June 9, 2010 Please note that this is NOT true for assisted living. Assisted living is all self-pay and they do not take Medicare. So try to get your nada into a home that will take Medicare now if you can. My relatives are considered too " healthy " for nursing home care and are in assisted living now. Too bad. --. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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