Re: Re: Attracting friends who are similar to my nada

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

Thank you for your compassion about my dad; things were improving but sad to

say,

(as I have mentioned before, sorry!) but my sister also died this past October.

It has been a very rough couple years. And at the same time my boyfriend of two

years

moved to California (and I am in Mass.).

So my attraction to intensity...well I am not sure that will change, but I think

it needs a balance. My relationship with my boyfriend/lover is one where we are

both very emotionally

intense and I like it that way (I am not sure where it is going since he moved

and he has

a real problem with commitment)...In my marriage, my ex husband was very

un-intense and

I have to say that I was bored with him. I believe there is a bad level of

intensity though,

and that is something I do not care for. I know part of it is my ADD and part

of it could

be the BPD thing with my mom (getting used to that growing up).

So, I guess to answer, I like intensity, I like some drama, but perhaps not too

much!

~patricia

Attracting friends who are similar to my nada

>

>

> Do any of you attract people who have traits similar to your nada? I seem

to be an expert at this and have had to cut several people out of my life. They

tend to be controlling, demanding, hypercritical, and people with very few long

term friends. I have been working on catching these red flags earlier because

most of these relationships have extended 3-4 years before I finally do

something about it. If any of you have this problem, what are some of the red

flags you look for? I am starting graduate school soon so I am worried about

choosing the wrong friends.

>

> I just sent a " dear john " letter to a med school friend who I needed to

cut out years ago. She is so critical and hasn't been supportive of me going LC

or NC with my nada. I finally had to tell her the really horrible things my nada

did that I haven't shared with anyone for her to believe me. If she's not

criticizing me she's busy talking about her weight (she is not fat). During most

of our conversations her husband tries to intervene to tell her to stop

badgering me. I recently vacationed with her in California in January because I

was hoping the sun would help my seasonal affective disorder. She was so

negative the whole time it just made my depression worse and made it so it was

hard to leave the house at all.

>

> I know I am doing the right thing and when I have cut out similar people

in my life I have had no regrets. It's just rough because it brings up a lot of

the guilt issues I have with nada.

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ------------------------------------

>

> Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help at @... SEND HER

ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT Respond ON THE GROUP.

>

> To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " call 888-35-SHELL

() for your copy. We also refer to " Understanding the Borderline

Mother " (Lawson) and " Surviving the Borderline Parent, " (Roth) which you can

find at any bookstore. Welcome to the WTO community!

>

> From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community and author SWOE

and the SWOE Workbook.

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

Well I know that with the man I see know, we are so emotionally intense (when it

gets to that point, which it is now because he lives across the country and we

can't figure out what to do from her out). But normally it is just that he is

an intense person, but quiet, it's hard to explain. I don't like drama or

things like that, it's more a quality of the person being deep and passionate

and having intense thoughts.

I get that same thing about needing to have the person around for a significant

amount of time or thinking he doesn't really like me.

Personally, if the intensity matches me, I am into it. But I have not really

experienced it very much in lovers/partners, more in friends. It's one of those

things that definitely has to match.

~patricia

Attracting friends who are similar to my

nada

> >

> >

> > Do any of you attract people who have traits similar to your nada? I

seem to be an expert at this and have had to cut several people out of my life.

They tend to be controlling, demanding, hypercritical, and people with very few

long term friends. I have been working on catching these red flags earlier

because most of these relationships have extended 3-4 years before I finally do

something about it. If any of you have this problem, what are some of the red

flags you look for? I am starting graduate school soon so I am worried about

choosing the wrong friends.

> >

> > I just sent a " dear john " letter to a med school friend who I needed

to cut out years ago. She is so critical and hasn't been supportive of me going

LC or NC with my nada. I finally had to tell her the really horrible things my

nada did that I haven't shared with anyone for her to believe me. If she's not

criticizing me she's busy talking about her weight (she is not fat). During most

of our conversations her husband tries to intervene to tell her to stop

badgering me. I recently vacationed with her in California in January because I

was hoping the sun would help my seasonal affective disorder. She was so

negative the whole time it just made my depression worse and made it so it was

hard to leave the house at all.

> >

> > I know I am doing the right thing and when I have cut out similar

people in my life I have had no regrets. It's just rough because it brings up a

lot of the guilt issues I have with nada.

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > ------------------------------------

> >

> > Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help at @ SEND

HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT Respond ON THE GROUP.

> >

> > To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " call 888-35-SHELL

() for your copy. We also refer to " Understanding the Borderline

Mother " (Lawson) and " Surviving the Borderline Parent, " (Roth) which you can

find at any bookstore. Welcome to the WTO community!

> >

> > From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community and author

SWOE and the SWOE Workbook.