Setting Limits and Explaining Limits

[Guest guest]

I have been dealing w/ a undiagnosed (isn't that fun?) BPD nada and have been

working hard to set limits that work for my family. We live out of state about

2000 miles away from her, part by choice, part because of her incessant demands,

unreasonable expectations, and general fantasy world she lives in. I have

limited phone conversations, amount of visits either here or there per year, and

the length of said visits. However, she constantly pushes against those limits

and boundaries, tries to squeeze in extra visits, wants to stay longer than we

are comfortable with, etc. on a regular basis. We have two kids who are her

only grandchildren which makes it that much more " interesting " . Her large

immediately family (multiple brothers and sisters) all live near their

grandchildren which just magnifies her insecurities and desire to show that our

family is " perfect " .

My primary problem/concern is, I haven't had a frank discussion about why we set

the limits we set or why we push back when she starts overstepping her bounds.

I understand that I don't necessarily have to offer an explanation, but skirting

around the issues is a constant battle. Have any of you had any luck explaining

your boundaries to the BP in your life? I am not concerned about her feelings

regarding why we set the limits we set, but I am concerned about talking in

circles once I start explaining as this has been her normal MO whenever issues

come up.

I want to maintain some sort of relationship with her, but will continue to set

limits and boundaries because it doesn't work for us at all w/o them. I see a

therapist regularly, but missed my last appt to discuss this problem so figured

I'd draw from other experiences to see how you all dealt with this.