Re: Female BP as Sexual Abusers

June 11, 2010

well, my therapist does disagree with this stance that a child being

sexually abused is for control..... sexual abuse when it is an adult against a

child is sexual for the pedophile....rape between an adult and another adult

is control. But pedophillia (I am sure I just butchered that spelling) is

supposedly more of a sexual disorder than a control disorder. That's what my

therapist thinks anyway.

I have heard of very few female perpeatrators, but I had a friend (who

sadly committed suicide) and her mother had sexually abused her. Her mother was

jacked up mentally in all sorts of ways. I dont doubt that some female

sexual abusers are bpd, but my mother was just the opposite -- she was a

sexual prude and had a warp sense of body and sex in this judgmental, crazy

belief and yet allowed me to be sexually abused by her uncle and claimed she

had been sexually abused as well.

In a message dated 6/11/2010 5:22:03 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

marionlibrarian42@... writes:

All the experts say that sexual abuse is not about sex its about control,

and BPs are all about control.The experts also say that sexual perps were

almost all sexualy abused as a child , and sexual abuse is considered a main

couse of BPD . So why is it that society is so willing to turn a blind eye

to this problem. Pepole almost refuse to see a mother as a child molester

or rapist . I cant help but think this genaral attitude keeps people from

coming forward and getting help , much less leagal justise for the abuse

they suffered .

June 11, 2010

I dont mean to say that all BPs are sexual abusers , nor that all victoms of

molestation grow up to be molesters . It just seems to me , perhaps becouse my

Nada was both BDP and and an abuser , that there might be a link to tendancies

that is being over looked. I want to find a way to help others that have

suffered as I have . They/we don't seem to have a safe place to turn to .

>

> well, my therapist does disagree with this stance that a child being

> sexually abused is for control..... sexual abuse when it is an adult against a

> child is sexual for the pedophile....rape between an adult and another adult

> is control. But pedophillia (I am sure I just butchered that spelling) is

> supposedly more of a sexual disorder than a control disorder. That's what my

> therapist thinks anyway.

>

> I have heard of very few female perpeatrators, but I had a friend (who

> sadly committed suicide) and her mother had sexually abused her. Her mother

was

> jacked up mentally in all sorts of ways. I dont doubt that some female

> sexual abusers are bpd, but my mother was just the opposite -- she was a

> sexual prude and had a warp sense of body and sex in this judgmental, crazy

> belief and yet allowed me to be sexually abused by her uncle and claimed she

> had been sexually abused as well.

>

> In a message dated 6/11/2010 5:22:03 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

> marionlibrarian42@... writes:

>

> All the experts say that sexual abuse is not about sex its about control,

> and BPs are all about control.The experts also say that sexual perps were

> almost all sexualy abused as a child , and sexual abuse is considered a main

> couse of BPD . So why is it that society is so willing to turn a blind eye

> to this problem. Pepole almost refuse to see a mother as a child molester

> or rapist . I cant help but think this genaral attitude keeps people from

> coming forward and getting help , much less leagal justise for the abuse

> they suffered .

>

June 11, 2010

Hi

I have often thought of this subject and I totally agree with you, that there is

a prejudice towards the *innocence* of women as sexual abusers. Of course it

makes

no sense at all that women could not sexually abuse, and I am so sorry for your

experiences.

I know it is very damaging and I admire you had the intention to turn your mom

in at all

This idea that a teacher could molest a boy and thus *initiate* him into

manhood, is preposterous! I hear a lot of guys say those types of comments, how

they wouldn't have

minded such a thing. Publicly as well. It always bothers me as I have a 15

year old boy

and I would go ballistic if some teacher did that to him. I know his innocence

and I think

that people think that males are not ever *innocent*, and always lusting. But

having

raised a son (and just being a smart aware person) I know this is not so.

My mother, who I believe has BPD, did not really physically molest us but there

was this

sense of psychic incest/emotional incest. She would tell me about her and my

dad's sex

life, and just sometimes be inappropriate in this weird *girlish* way that was

not at all

*mom-like*. It made me build up walls that of course I wish I didn't have to

and I believe

interferes with my own sexuality.

I agree with you, there needs to be more understanding, awareness and commitment

to

preventing, stopping, and prosecuting female offenders.

~patricia

Female BP as Sexual Abusers

This is a hard subject to discus . Of the thousands of books written on

sexual abuse, 99 % of them deal with a male as the abuser. We are told as kids

If a strange man offers you candy to run away and ask for help. If you watch a

crime drama it is always a male that is the rapist , child molester , wife

beater ect...

In the 3 cases of female teachers sexualy abusing students that I know of from

the news , all of the women have been diagnosied with BPD . However all of the

men I know seem to think its no big deal " when I was a kid I would have loved to

have an older woman show my the ropes lol " seems to be a normal and acepted

attitude to have .

All the experts say that sexual abuse is not about sex its about control, and

BPs are all about control.The experts also say that sexual perps were almost all

sexualy abused as a child , and sexual abuse is considered a main couse of BPD .

So why is it that society is so willing to turn a blind eye to this problem.

Pepole almost refuse to see a mother as a child molester or rapist . I cant help

but think this genaral attitude keeps people from coming forward and getting

help , much less leagal justise for the abuse they suffered .

Both my brother and myself were sexual abused by our Nada . I thought about

turnning her in as an adult , and one of the first questions asked of me when I

was on the phone with police was the name of the MAN that had done it.I hung up

.. The link between BPD and sexual abuse is not written about that I've found ,

unless its to adress the BPDs abuse as a child . Women can be sexual preditors ,

they can be husband beaters , child molesters and rapist . Noone seems to care

much about helping their victoms , or beleaving them for that matter .

In the few cases I know of that the female was cought and charged she got a

slap on the wrist compared to what would have been done to a male perp , and

worse than that if the victom was male he was ridaculed for not likeing the

abuse . Somebody needs to make this an issue that gets attention! Police,

therapist, rape counsaling are all illequip to handle helping victoms of this

type of abuse , We desprately need a place that offers help instead of judgment,

for the many abused , and the phyc comunity needs to take a real look at the

link between BDP and sexual perpatraitors .

------------------------------------

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SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT Respond ON THE GROUP.

To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " call 888-35-SHELL

() for your copy. We also refer to " Understanding the Borderline

Mother " (Lawson) and " Surviving the Borderline Parent, " (Roth) which you can

find at any bookstore. Welcome to the WTO community!

From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community and author SWOE and

the SWOE Workbook.

June 11, 2010

thank you for your responses .

I don't want to become a poster girl for the subject , but I would really like

ideas on how to make people more awhere of the subject .I myself do not have the

money for pro help from a shrink , but if any of you do , and can ask questions

about it inorder to post here so that it might help others that feel they have

nowhere to go I would be very grateful.

>

> Hi

> I have often thought of this subject and I totally agree with you, that there

is

> a prejudice towards the *innocence* of women as sexual abusers. Of course it

makes

> no sense at all that women could not sexually abuse, and I am so sorry for

your experiences.

> I know it is very damaging and I admire you had the intention to turn your mom

in at all

>

> This idea that a teacher could molest a boy and thus *initiate* him into

manhood, is preposterous! I hear a lot of guys say those types of comments, how

they wouldn't have

> minded such a thing. Publicly as well. It always bothers me as I have a 15

year old boy

> and I would go ballistic if some teacher did that to him. I know his

innocence and I think

> that people think that males are not ever *innocent*, and always lusting. But

having

> raised a son (and just being a smart aware person) I know this is not so.

>

> My mother, who I believe has BPD, did not really physically molest us but

there was this

> sense of psychic incest/emotional incest. She would tell me about her and my

dad's sex

> life, and just sometimes be inappropriate in this weird *girlish* way that was

not at all

> *mom-like*. It made me build up walls that of course I wish I didn't have to

and I believe

> interferes with my own sexuality.

>

> I agree with you, there needs to be more understanding, awareness and

commitment to

> preventing, stopping, and prosecuting female offenders.

> ~patricia

> Female BP as Sexual Abusers

>

> This is a hard subject to discus . Of the thousands of books written on

sexual abuse, 99 % of them deal with a male as the abuser. We are told as kids

If a strange man offers you candy to run away and ask for help. If you watch a

crime drama it is always a male that is the rapist , child molester , wife

beater ect...

>

> In the 3 cases of female teachers sexualy abusing students that I know of

from the news , all of the women have been diagnosied with BPD . However all of

the men I know seem to think its no big deal " when I was a kid I would have

loved to have an older woman show my the ropes lol " seems to be a normal and

acepted attitude to have .

>

> All the experts say that sexual abuse is not about sex its about control,

and BPs are all about control.The experts also say that sexual perps were almost

all sexualy abused as a child , and sexual abuse is considered a main couse of

BPD . So why is it that society is so willing to turn a blind eye to this

problem. Pepole almost refuse to see a mother as a child molester or rapist . I

cant help but think this genaral attitude keeps people from coming forward and

getting help , much less leagal justise for the abuse they suffered .

>

> Both my brother and myself were sexual abused by our Nada . I thought

about turnning her in as an adult , and one of the first questions asked of me

when I was on the phone with police was the name of the MAN that had done it.I

hung up . The link between BPD and sexual abuse is not written about that I've

found , unless its to adress the BPDs abuse as a child . Women can be sexual

preditors , they can be husband beaters , child molesters and rapist . Noone

seems to care much about helping their victoms , or beleaving them for that

matter .

>

> In the few cases I know of that the female was cought and charged she got a

slap on the wrist compared to what would have been done to a male perp , and

worse than that if the victom was male he was ridaculed for not likeing the

abuse . Somebody needs to make this an issue that gets attention! Police,

therapist, rape counsaling are all illequip to handle helping victoms of this

type of abuse , We desprately need a place that offers help instead of judgment,

for the many abused , and the phyc comunity needs to take a real look at the

link between BDP and sexual perpatraitors .

>

> ------------------------------------

>

> Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help at @... SEND HER

ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT Respond ON THE GROUP.

>

> To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " call 888-35-SHELL

() for your copy. We also refer to " Understanding the Borderline

Mother " (Lawson) and " Surviving the Borderline Parent, " (Roth) which you can

find at any bookstore. Welcome to the WTO community!

>

> From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community and author SWOE

and the SWOE Workbook.

June 11, 2010

I strongly believe sexual abuse is repetition compulsion, the body telling a

story suppressed by the mind, that is why it is so important for victims to

speak out, be supported, and get help. I think all sex crimes are sexual in that

actions like violence get sexualized because the person committing them was

violated sexually and the two (sex and violence) became linked when they should

not have, or fetishized, and there was no outlet for expression like therapy or

some form of mentoring or support so the only outlet for expression of the

trauma is repetition.

I am so sorry to hear of the abuse of the OP at the hands of her mother, that is

such a tragedy. My family has it on both sides and is 'forgive and forget', i.e.

repress and deny, and repeat the cycle, and it's so devastating to me how my

family deals (meaning, doesn't deal) with this stuff.

>

> well, my therapist does disagree with this stance that a child being

> sexually abused is for control..... sexual abuse when it is an adult against a

> child is sexual for the pedophile....rape between an adult and another adult

> is control. But pedophillia (I am sure I just butchered that spelling) is

> supposedly more of a sexual disorder than a control disorder. That's what my

> therapist thinks anyway.

>

> I have heard of very few female perpeatrators, but I had a friend (who

> sadly committed suicide) and her mother had sexually abused her. Her mother

was

> jacked up mentally in all sorts of ways. I dont doubt that some female

> sexual abusers are bpd, but my mother was just the opposite -- she was a

> sexual prude and had a warp sense of body and sex in this judgmental, crazy

> belief and yet allowed me to be sexually abused by her uncle and claimed she

> had been sexually abused as well.

>

> In a message dated 6/11/2010 5:22:03 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

> marionlibrarian42@... writes:

>

> All the experts say that sexual abuse is not about sex its about control,

> and BPs are all about control.The experts also say that sexual perps were

> almost all sexualy abused as a child , and sexual abuse is considered a main

> couse of BPD . So why is it that society is so willing to turn a blind eye

> to this problem. Pepole almost refuse to see a mother as a child molester

> or rapist . I cant help but think this genaral attitude keeps people from

> coming forward and getting help , much less leagal justise for the abuse

> they suffered .

>

June 12, 2010

my nada is like yours was ,a total prude !!

Jackie

well, my therapist does disagree with this stance that a child being

sexually abused is for control..... sexual abuse when it is an adult against

a

child is sexual for the pedophile....rape between an adult and another adult

is control. But pedophillia (I am sure I just butchered that spelling) is

supposedly more of a sexual disorder than a control disorder. That's what my

therapist thinks anyway.

I have heard of very few female perpeatrators, but I had a friend (who

sadly committed suicide) and her mother had sexually abused her. Her mother

was

jacked up mentally in all sorts of ways. I dont doubt that some female

sexual abusers are bpd, but my mother was just the opposite -- she was a

sexual prude and had a warp sense of body and sex in this judgmental, crazy

belief and yet allowed me to be sexually abused by her uncle and claimed

she

had been sexually abused as well.

June 12, 2010

To " pd : patricia " - This is another time when I read a post here and realize

that what I thought was just a bit odd does happen to those with nadas. Even as

a child my mom told me about her sex life, sordid details of things that

happened in her marriages and complaints about the lack of sex at times. She

relied on me to be her confidant and buddy. But what 10 year old needs to know

that stuff? Or when she would sneak out and meet some guy for a fling, she took

me with her. Why?

When I was very young and she was between husbands at the time, she would sleep

with me and " snuggle " very closely. Wouldn't want me to move and kept her arm

and leg over me. Perhaps it was just to keep me from wandering around while she

wanted to sleep. But I always felt suffocated and to this day I'm not fond of

being hugged by people.

She also had this thing about doing a little grab at my pubic area. She said I

used to like it as a baby and would giggle. I don't remember that of course. But

when I was in my teens and walking through the dining room and she reached over

and grabbed me there, I jumped back. Needless to say, she got very angry, told

me she " made me " and could do what she wanted with me.

I'm not saying it was sexual abuse but she was and still is, even in her 80's,

obsessed with all things sexual. She asks me how do lesbians have sex? How would

I know and why would I even discuss it? She thinks men are looking at her in the

restaurants. She doesn't like service people to come to her house because they

might make a pass at her. Yeah, in her dreams.

Anyway, BPD females can be oversexed and abuse their kids in various ways. Too

bad the world can't see that.

>

> Hi

> I have often thought of this subject and I totally agree with you, that there

is

> a prejudice towards the *innocence* of women as sexual abusers. Of course it

makes

> no sense at all that women could not sexually abuse, and I am so sorry for

your experiences.

> I know it is very damaging and I admire you had the intention to turn your mom

in at all

>

> This idea that a teacher could molest a boy and thus *initiate* him into

manhood, is preposterous! I hear a lot of guys say those types of comments, how

they wouldn't have

> minded such a thing. Publicly as well. It always bothers me as I have a 15

year old boy

> and I would go ballistic if some teacher did that to him. I know his

innocence and I think

> that people think that males are not ever *innocent*, and always lusting. But

having

> raised a son (and just being a smart aware person) I know this is not so.

>

> My mother, who I believe has BPD, did not really physically molest us but

there was this

> sense of psychic incest/emotional incest. She would tell me about her and my

dad's sex

> life, and just sometimes be inappropriate in this weird *girlish* way that was

not at all

> *mom-like*. It made me build up walls that of course I wish I didn't have to

and I believe

> interferes with my own sexuality.

>

> I agree with you, there needs to be more understanding, awareness and

commitment to

> preventing, stopping, and prosecuting female offenders.

> ~patricia

June 12, 2010

My nada sexually molested me for YEARS daily as a toddler until I was old enough

to run away from her. She would take me in the bathroom bringing in a kitchen

knife and locking the bathroom door. My father was working so he never knew but

the 'morning ritual' was always the same. Pull down my little lace trimmed

panties, put me on the toilet bowl; ask me if I did #2 yet and it didn't matter

if I said yes or no, the result was the same. She would take the kitchen knife

and cut a VERY fat sliver of Ivory soap from the bar, stick her thick fingers in

me which she had soaped up and stick her fat fingers inside me scratching me and

it hurt. She would stick the soap sliver up my rectum and I would scream out in

pain. Nada seemed to love that (no doubt as I look back at it now a control

issue) and she would say " NOBODY can clean you like your MOTHER can " . If I

urinated after, this was permitted and I wasn't physically abused and made to go

through the bathroom ritual all over again but if I did defecate, this was NOT

permitted and I would be punished. Of course the bathroom ritual would start

immediately if I defecated and then she would hit me after I got out of the

bathroom. Once she took my hands over to the gas stove which she had turned on,

placed my tiny hands on it and said " hot, hot - don't touch " . I wound up with

third degree burns and of course back then no one reported her as she said since

I was 2 that it was 'an accident' and I 'must have done it when she wasn't

looking'. My father when he came home to see my bandaged hand asked what

happened. Nada reiterated that I must have done it while she was cooking and

not looking but it wasn't HER fault since a child that age is impossible to

watch every second (I am an only child) and especially a 'bad child like this

one'.

When I was 12 I had an extremely painful period for the first time and I was

hemoragging very badly. My nada had made me put a washcloth in my panties to

rush me to the emergency room. I was doubled over in pain. She never told me

about periods or that bleeding was normal for a girl when she menostrated so I

thought I was bleeding to death. The doctor in E.R. put my feet up in the

silver stirrups and there I was in a hospital gown with no panties on of course

feeling extremely uncomfortable and embarrassed. He said after an examination

with a light on his head and his gloved fingers probing me that he needed to

talk to nada immediately. I heard him on the other side of the curtain say " I

have NEVER seen a young virgin scarred inside her right ovary like this girl is.

I can't imagine how that happened. But I can tell you this your daughter will

never conceive when she gets older and she will always experience very painful

periods with severe bleeding every other month " . I did too and I never

conceived.

So yes indeed women CAN be sexual abusers and are.

My nada readily admits that she was sexually abused by HER alcoholic father from

a very young age and that he raped her repeatedly. I have no doubt that's true

as my aunt (nada's sister) told me separately that he had done the same thing

to her. I believe both her and my mother are BPD. I know nada is as my mental

health therapist friend who met nada diagnosed her as that when we went down

there a year ago November. I think there is a definite link between being

sexually abused and BPD. Some psychiatrists say yes to that and some say no

I've read but to me it is obvious.

June 12, 2010

Marilyn, I'm sorry sorry this all happened to you. If you have health insurance

with mental health benefits, I would recommend looking into EMDR. It can help

you to recover from this horrible abuse.

Deanna

>

> My nada sexually molested me for YEARS daily as a toddler until I was old

enough to run away from her. She would take me in the bathroom bringing in a

kitchen knife and locking the bathroom door. My father was working so he never

knew but the 'morning ritual' was always the same. Pull down my little lace

trimmed panties, put me on the toilet bowl; ask me if I did #2 yet and it didn't

matter if I said yes or no, the result was the same. She would take the kitchen

knife and cut a VERY fat sliver of Ivory soap from the bar, stick her thick

fingers in me which she had soaped up and stick her fat fingers inside me

scratching me and it hurt. She would stick the soap sliver up my rectum and I

would scream out in pain. Nada seemed to love that (no doubt as I look back at

it now a control issue) and she would say " NOBODY can clean you like your MOTHER

can " . If I urinated after, this was permitted and I wasn't physically abused

and made to go through the bathroom ritual all over again but if I did defecate,

this was NOT permitted and I would be punished. Of course the bathroom ritual

would start immediately if I defecated and then she would hit me after I got out

of the bathroom. Once she took my hands over to the gas stove which she had

turned on, placed my tiny hands on it and said " hot, hot - don't touch " . I

wound up with third degree burns and of course back then no one reported her as

she said since I was 2 that it was 'an accident' and I 'must have done it when

she wasn't looking'. My father when he came home to see my bandaged hand asked

what happened. Nada reiterated that I must have done it while she was cooking

and not looking but it wasn't HER fault since a child that age is impossible to

watch every second (I am an only child) and especially a 'bad child like this

one'.

>

> When I was 12 I had an extremely painful period for the first time and I was