TOPIC OF THE WEEK (IVF mentioned)

[Guest guest]

I am answering the questions thinking back to the period of time after

Tucker's loss and before my pregnancy with ...

Do you know (friend, co-worker, family member) someone who is pregnant now?

Yes. My friend was due with her son the same day that I was due with Tucker.

Her best friend also became pregnant that summer.

How does their being pregnant make you feel?

With the first friend, it was soo hard. I would see her on occasion and

think about all the planning she was doing, and intently look at her changing

shape thinking, " that should be me. Tucker should be in my tummy waiting to

greet the world. " She was very sweet about it, and really tried not to talk

about being pregnant around me. I felt bad for even being the least bit

upset around her, because she had every right to enjoy her pregnancy and

revel in it. The second friend was quite a pill. She made several comments

after my loss that I could never really decipher. Remarks that could have

been taken as a barb at my loss, but could have also been just off the cuff

remarks that had nothing to do with it. However, after she got pregnant, she

never made any remarks like that again.

Do they know about your loss and/or trials with possible infertility?

Yes, in both cases about the loss. Very few people knew about the IVF until

afterwards.

If they do know, are they sensitive to your feelings? If not, how?

See above.

If you have a hard time dealing with other women's pregnancies, would it make

a difference if they had suffered a loss, or had gone through a bout of

infertility?

Yes, most definitely. I AM happy for others, but I think that having had a

loss

or going through infertility makes a difference. No one can possibly

understand my feelings unless they have (somewhat) been in my shoes.

Take care,

Krista