meeting BP over and over again (Re: learning about normal life)

[Guest guest]

WTH,

I am going to save this post; it's very informative. Unfortunately, I may need

it soon. I went to my grandmother's funeral and nada was there. I felt really

uncomfortable and tried to stay away from her at first.

And then I realized that if I kept acting like that, I would just set her off.

And she hadn't done anything to me so far, and I would be acting like the idiot

first. So I went up and hugged her, and told her I was sorry about grandma, and

went out to lunch with everyone after the funeral. I didn't have to sit too

close to her at lunch, and so I didn't have to talk to her much.

Of course, now the cat's out of the bag again. Will she try to call? Will she

invite me someplace? Will she write a letter? God, I hope not. I'd only be

inviting that behavior back into my life, which I did *not* intend to do.

But if something like that happens, I have these great guidelines to look at.

Thanks!!

--.

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I guess it is a one step at a time thing; you deal with what comes up when it

does.

I am glad you got to go to your grandmother's funeral.

It sounds like you handled the situation very well. I hope it works out okay

in the long run.

~patricia

meeting BP over and over again (Re: learning

about normal life)

WTH,

I am going to save this post; it's very informative. Unfortunately, I may

need it soon. I went to my grandmother's funeral and nada was there. I felt

really uncomfortable and tried to stay away from her at first.

And then I realized that if I kept acting like that, I would just set her off.

And she hadn't done anything to me so far, and I would be acting like the idiot

first. So I went up and hugged her, and told her I was sorry about grandma, and

went out to lunch with everyone after the funeral. I didn't have to sit too

close to her at lunch, and so I didn't have to talk to her much.

Of course, now the cat's out of the bag again. Will she try to call? Will

she invite me someplace? Will she write a letter? God, I hope not. I'd only

be inviting that behavior back into my life, which I did *not* intend to do.

But if something like that happens, I have these great guidelines to look at.

Thanks!!

--.

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[Guest guest]

thanks tina, these are great!!  

Subject: meeting BP over and over again (Re: learning about

normal life)

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Friday, June 11, 2010, 8:13 AM

 

WTH, I'm with you on the whole idea of attracting BPs.

They thrive on our placations, because they know they can pretty much do

whatever and we'd bend over backwards to make peace.

I'm learning, and it's slow. Yesterday, I got so irate that another manager was

trying to bully one of my colleagues to try to extort a watch (you can't make

this crap up) that I made up some " rules of non-engagement " for these people.

Wanna hear em?

I take that as a yes. I'm actually quite curious to know what people think.

(big breath) ok, here goes.

Rules of Non-Engagement in the Workplace

--

These are rules for dealing with bullies or people who misues their position of

power (formally or informally) in the workplace. Non-engagement starves problems

before they grow.

1. Go around the problem person whenever possible. If the manager has to sign

for things, find another manager.

2. Communicate as little as possible. If they have information, they will use

it. Cut off any potential sources of ammunition that they can use against you.

3. Bullies bully in private. Take someone with you.

4. Don't immediately agree to anything. If they ask for something from you, say

" Let me think about that/talk to <contact> and get back to you. "

5. Prepare to rebut. Figure out the most negative things they could say about

you and have your calm, confident, convincing rebuttals ready. Rebut with calm

confidence, not hostility. If you are emotionally worked up, this may take some

practice.

6. As much as possible maintain a friendly demeanor. Chat about innocuous topics

like news or weather (not politics or religion). This could cause the other

party to lay down their defenses and give you a heads up about the actions they

are contemplating. " Keep your friends close, your enemies closer. "

7. When the conversation gets heated, redirect it. " Is that so? Hmmm. I'm going

to have to think about that. Not to change the subject, but have you heard... "

<insert innocuous topic>.

8. Don't engage. Head for the bathroom if you have to.

9. Keep your head down and do your job.

10. People embellish. Watch what you say; when in doubt, don't say anything.

Keep a blank facial expression. Assume Big Brother is watching, because office

gossip is pretty much the KGB.

11. Don't believe what you're told. Double check. People who scheme like to

control what people hear of a story. Getting the other side often provides

illumination.

12. When you get a compliment, ask for an email.

13. Keep a log. It will help you remember events as they happened, in the face

of intentional distortions.

> >

> > Good luck, WTH, and way to go! Please let us know what happens.

> >

> > --.

> >

>