New to Group

[Guest guest]

welcome. Why do you need to forgive her ? I will never forgive my

mother...that doesn't mean I hate her, that doesn't mean I am holding a

grudge, I just know she is not repentant, and will always try to hurt me, so

I dont give her the chance...Understanding the Borderline Mother is another

great book ( Lawson) You just have to remember she is mentally

ill and it's not you , it's HER...you aren't a bad person, you aren't at

fault...she is just irrational and does insane things...

Jakie

Hi, My mom was diagnosed with bpd. I just finished Stop Walking on

Eggshells. It helped explain the pain, depression, eating disorder &

control which has consumed most of my 58 yrs. ? I have accepted that mom

was truly mentally ill due to her pbd.but what do I do with all the pain. I

know I need to forgive her (she is 82 and her bpd is stronger than ever

confiding to her therapist that she is jelous of me, mom is in a nursing

home and the nurse shared this with me). Thanks any advice is helpful.

[Guest guest]

> Hi, My mom was diagnosed with bpd. I just finished Stop Walking on

> Eggshells. It helped explain the pain, depression, eating disorder &

> control which has consumed most of my 58 yrs. ? I have accepted that mom

> was truly mentally ill due to her pbd.but what do I do with all the pain. I

> know I need to forgive her (she is 82 and her bpd is stronger than ever

> confiding to her therapist that she is jelous of me, mom is in a nursing

> home and the nurse shared this with me). Thanks any advice is helpful.

>

Hi and welcome!

I am so sorry you are 58 and only just now finding out about all this. I really

feel for the life you must have had.

I think that people mean different things when they talk about " forgiveness. "

For me it means that I understand that there was a mental illness in operation.

I also know wayyy more about my nada's upbringing than I would really care to,

and I can understand why the things happened the way they did. I used to hate

her for some of the things she did. I don't hate her for them anymore, but I

also don't feel like " forgiveness " requires me to still be her bosom buddy and

pretend like nothing ever happened, either. I just know that I am way too close

to the situation and wayyy too overwhelmed with my own problems to be able to

affect any positive change, and the way she is is just too painful for me to

deal with anymore. I have already had 38 years of it. I now have two more

mentally ill people 10 minutes up the street from me who really can't take care

of themselves at all and whose affairs I have to oversee. So I have enough on

me and I am bowing out.

That's the closest to forgiveness I am going to get right about now. It may not

fit others' definitions, but this is it. I think with what you have been

through you should consider whether this sort of thought about it is more fair

to you, liveable to you, and gentler to you than some overidealized

quasi-religious idea that you just pretend it didn't happen and go back for

more.

Best of luck to you and welcome.

--.

[Guest guest]

I have been a member of this group for a while, but I don't think I've posted

before. I came to read the recent posts, and see that you are talking about

Hashimoto's Disease. Well, hello, I've had Hashimoto's about 30 years, since I

was a child. There must be a connection between that and the arthritis I also

have, although my doctor denies it.

I also have one of the 100 types of arthritis that no one seems to know anything

about. I was diagnosed with it when I was in my early 30's. The symptoms at the

time presented like rheumatoid arthritis, but between the testing and the

strange way that the arthritis behaved after that, my doctor seemed to think

otherwise, and started calling it, " non-specific arthritis " .

It is mainly in my right hip now. I am definitely not complaining. My pain is

not constant, as some of you experience, but only gets really debilitating about

once every couple of months. It is frustrating, though, because no one I have

ever met and no health professionals seem to have experience with this type of

arthritis. I am 43, reasonably fit and not overweight, and have no other health

problems beyond the Hashimoto's.

So, does anyone else have this kind of arthritis pain? The vast majority of the

time, I am fine or almost so. I can easily get up and run around the block when

my hip is not flaring (although I usually choose lower impact activities). When

the hip flares, which is only every couple of months, I have periods of intense,

eye-watering pain for 10-20 minutes at a time throughout the day and night,

usually for 2-3 days. Then, as mysteriously as it came, it leaves. There seems

to be some connection to a rising barometer setting it off, but then again, the

barometer can spike at other times, and the hip remains fine or at least doesn't

flare up super painfully.

Thanks for listening, and I look forward to hearing about similar experiences so

that I can get a handle on this situation.

M. in Michigan

[Guest guest]

It sounds like what they have told me is " artitiis in my hands. I have not been

able to get a more specific explanation nor been able to find it online. In my

neck and back I have constant pain. My medication just drops it to background

level. But sometimes I get a flare up that seems like I have taken nothing for

it.

In my hands I get stiffness frequently. But I have had what you describe. My

hands swell in the fingers, are really stiff and are painful. But it goes and

goes (more goes than comes). Do you get times were your skin in the area seems

hypersensitive? My lower arms get that way sometimes. It feels like there is a

cut or something, but I can't see anything. I also get hypersensitive on the

skin of my upper back sometimes. Wearing my clothes hurts.

Wish I could be of more help. Belated welcome and gentle hugs, Tami

> wrote:

> So, does anyone else have this kind of arthritis pain?

[Guest guest]

Tami wrote:

> In my hands I get stiffness frequently. But I have had what you describe. My

hands swell in the fingers, are really stiff and are painful. But it goes and

goes (more goes than comes).

Mine used to be more goes than comes. Now it's more comes than goes.

My hands never quit hurting and 9 days out of 10 my rings don't fit.

I'm sure glad " they " make jar openers and the like for people with owie

hands.

> Do you get times were your skin in the area seems hypersensitive? My

lower arms get that way sometimes. It feels like there is a cut or

something, but I can't see anything. I also get hypersensitive on the

skin of my upper back sometimes. Wearing my clothes hurts.

My skin doesn't feel cut. It feels like it has been burned. However,

there's not a mark on it. This has been going on for about 30 years.

The doctors originally told me it was Fibrositis. These days of course,

they declare it's Fibromyalgia. Who knows what it really is. I suppose

someday, long after we're all gone, someone will figure it out.

Lyndi

[Guest guest]

Hi Ann,

I have been on Methadone for 5 years. It is fine for me. Nothing is perfect.

I wonder if anyone knows what to do about the terrible constipation that comes

along with Methadone.

Sue, Susie

Another question: I do not know how to make that " character " that comes before

and after the (c_p) I can make the rounded one but not the other one. I hope

you can understand me. I have a Mac and I've found it sometimes behaves

different.

> Anne R wrote:

> I am allergic to all but 2 pain meds, so I have a bottle of Methadone in my

cupboard

[Guest guest]

Where did you go? How are you doing now? Why do you hate Methadone? I hate it to

but without it I would probably go skyward to the clouds. The vertebra in my

neck are rubbing together. I do hate it.

Sioux, in CA

> Terry wrote:

> I now take methadone. I hate it, but have no choice as without it I'd just cry

and go crazy from pain.