Guest guest Posted June 13, 2010 Report Share Posted June 13, 2010 Nada is crazy. I know this. I've learned to separate her actions from my actions. I'm 'getting it. " But sometimes her CRAZY is crazy... Nada is in town for a week. She still stays at my dads. So.... My son and his BF have been hanging out since Friday with us... last night they wanted to spend the night at my dads (better TV and snacks ;o) Dad didn't care... he just made sure they had stuff for breakfast and all was cool. The boys love hanging with him, he's the 'crazy vietman vet' guy everyone loves... So him and I walk into the house, I said something funny (or so I thought) to Nada, " Congratulations, you have TEENS! They're going to sleep in the living room tonight... " She turned around and glared at me then snarled. " I AM *NOT* GOING TO GET UP AND MAKE THEM BREAKFAST!!!!!! " I just stopped moving. Looked at her and realized - somehow - this was about HER! No one asked her to make breakfast, no one said a word to her about anything. Not her house, not her decision, not her anything. I walked out and went to hang out with the boys. Eventually she came out and went waif. " Do they have sleeping bags? etc. etc. " I said, " I'm pulling blankets off the spare bed, they're going to sleep out here. We've done this before. They're fine. " Then she started crying and went into " help me " mode. I just ignored her and refused to look at her. She stormed off. A few minutes later and she was in the hall saying, " I need help with the blankets... NOW! " I said, " I " ll get to it in a bit... don't worry about it. You don't need to do anything. " 5 minutes later she's standing in front of the TV with the blankets going on and on about where do I want these... etc. The boys were watching a DR. Who marathon and were very annoyed at her for blocking the TV but sorta stunned. I said, " just drop them, thank. " She then huffed back down the hall. The boys looked at eachother and rolled their eyes and my son mouthed to me, " She's crazy! " So in the end they decided to change their minds and come home with me (better sleeping accomodations and a pool for later today)... so we cleaned up and left about 1/2 hour later. AFTER Nada announced she was " Unappreciated so she's going to bed! " I'd like to thank my therapist for getting me to the point to realize things like this are just nuts! The created drama, the stress, the potential for justifying what is and what she perceives. How somehow the act of two teens who want to hang at grandpa's (and who have done this before with NO issues) is suddenly a 'thing' when she's in town. I didn't react. I didn't engage. I didn't do anything. But boy did she spin! Today is a family/friends dinner I'm hosting at a local restaurant for my son's graduation. Otta be a blast. Pray for us! Lynnette - Leaving the Mad Hatter's Tea Party more and more... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 13, 2010 Report Share Posted June 13, 2010 I just spoke with dad... apparently he went off last night when he realized the boys were gone... " She complains about not getting to spend time with him and then when the time is available, she runs them off? REALLY? " I guess it went downhill from there. Oh, I really should start drinking.... as therapist has told me, " You'd be 100% justified to be an alcoholic and/or junkie... how you managed to NOT go there is something to be studied and bottled! " Lynnette > > Nada is crazy. I know this. I've learned to separate her actions from my actions. I'm 'getting it. " > > But sometimes her CRAZY is crazy... > > Nada is in town for a week. She still stays at my dads. > > So.... My son and his BF have been hanging out since Friday with us... last night they wanted to spend the night at my dads (better TV and snacks ;o) Dad didn't care... he just made sure they had stuff for breakfast and all was cool. The boys love hanging with him, he's the 'crazy vietman vet' guy everyone loves... > > So him and I walk into the house, I said something funny (or so I thought) to Nada, " Congratulations, you have TEENS! They're going to sleep in the living room tonight... " > > She turned around and glared at me then snarled. " I AM *NOT* GOING TO GET UP AND MAKE THEM BREAKFAST!!!!!! " > > I just stopped moving. Looked at her and realized - somehow - this was about HER! No one asked her to make breakfast, no one said a word to her about anything. Not her house, not her decision, not her anything. I walked out and went to hang out with the boys. > > Eventually she came out and went waif. " Do they have sleeping bags? etc. etc. " I said, " I'm pulling blankets off the spare bed, they're going to sleep out here. We've done this before. They're fine. " Then she started crying and went into " help me " mode. I just ignored her and refused to look at her. She stormed off. A few minutes later and she was in the hall saying, " I need help with the blankets... NOW! " I said, " I " ll get to it in a bit... don't worry about it. You don't need to do anything. " 5 minutes later she's standing in front of the TV with the blankets going on and on about where do I want these... etc. The boys were watching a DR. Who marathon and were very annoyed at her for blocking the TV but sorta stunned. I said, " just drop them, thank. " She then huffed back down the hall. The boys looked at eachother and rolled their eyes and my son mouthed to me, " She's crazy! " > > So in the end they decided to change their minds and come home with me (better sleeping accomodations and a pool for later today)... so we cleaned up and left about 1/2 hour later. AFTER Nada announced she was " Unappreciated so she's going to bed! " > > I'd like to thank my therapist for getting me to the point to realize things like this are just nuts! The created drama, the stress, the potential for justifying what is and what she perceives. How somehow the act of two teens who want to hang at grandpa's (and who have done this before with NO issues) is suddenly a 'thing' when she's in town. I didn't react. I didn't engage. I didn't do anything. But boy did she spin! > > Today is a family/friends dinner I'm hosting at a local restaurant for my son's graduation. Otta be a blast. Pray for us! > > Lynnette - Leaving the Mad Hatter's Tea Party more and more... > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 13, 2010 Report Share Posted June 13, 2010 Congratulations! I'm really happy for you that you have come so far and are able to see her for what she is. It's comforting to know that it can work. I'm still in the early stages of that and its nice to know that someone else had had success. Thank you for sharing your story. > > > > Nada is crazy. I know this. I've learned to separate her actions from my actions. I'm 'getting it. " > > > > But sometimes her CRAZY is crazy... > > > > Nada is in town for a week. She still stays at my dads. > > > > So.... My son and his BF have been hanging out since Friday with us... last night they wanted to spend the night at my dads (better TV and snacks ;o) Dad didn't care... he just made sure they had stuff for breakfast and all was cool. The boys love hanging with him, he's the 'crazy vietman vet' guy everyone loves... > > > > So him and I walk into the house, I said something funny (or so I thought) to Nada, " Congratulations, you have TEENS! They're going to sleep in the living room tonight... " > > > > She turned around and glared at me then snarled. " I AM *NOT* GOING TO GET UP AND MAKE THEM BREAKFAST!!!!!! " > > > > I just stopped moving. Looked at her and realized - somehow - this was about HER! No one asked her to make breakfast, no one said a word to her about anything. Not her house, not her decision, not her anything. I walked out and went to hang out with the boys. > > > > Eventually she came out and went waif. " Do they have sleeping bags? etc. etc. " I said, " I'm pulling blankets off the spare bed, they're going to sleep out here. We've done this before. They're fine. " Then she started crying and went into " help me " mode. I just ignored her and refused to look at her. She stormed off. A few minutes later and she was in the hall saying, " I need help with the blankets... NOW! " I said, " I " ll get to it in a bit... don't worry about it. You don't need to do anything. " 5 minutes later she's standing in front of the TV with the blankets going on and on about where do I want these... etc. The boys were watching a DR. Who marathon and were very annoyed at her for blocking the TV but sorta stunned. I said, " just drop them, thank. " She then huffed back down the hall. The boys looked at eachother and rolled their eyes and my son mouthed to me, " She's crazy! " > > > > So in the end they decided to change their minds and come home with me (better sleeping accomodations and a pool for later today)... so we cleaned up and left about 1/2 hour later. AFTER Nada announced she was " Unappreciated so she's going to bed! " > > > > I'd like to thank my therapist for getting me to the point to realize things like this are just nuts! The created drama, the stress, the potential for justifying what is and what she perceives. How somehow the act of two teens who want to hang at grandpa's (and who have done this before with NO issues) is suddenly a 'thing' when she's in town. I didn't react. I didn't engage. I didn't do anything. But boy did she spin! > > > > Today is a family/friends dinner I'm hosting at a local restaurant for my son's graduation. Otta be a blast. Pray for us! > > > > Lynnette - Leaving the Mad Hatter's Tea Party more and more... > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 13, 2010 Report Share Posted June 13, 2010 Thank you! In the past I would have tried to minimize the 'perceived damage' to her feelings... to suck up and make nice for her sake... to force teen to spend 'extra special Nada time' this week with her... to - again - reinforce that it's all about her. EVerything is. But - thanks to 2+ years with a good therapist (and an appt set for this coming Friday ;o) - I'm not going to do it. Period. She can feel whatever she's going to feel. No my problem. No one did anything wrong and no one is going to pay any price of her conjured up injuries... The best thing that ever happened was when Nada's Dr.'s realized (while we had the " do we have her committed or not " conversation as she was digging her legs into a bloody pulp during a Dr's visit and ranting/raving) " Something was terribly wrong with her and, while we can take care of her, what can we do for YOU? " ... and they gave me a therapist at no cost, for as long as I needed it. Wow... Lynnette > > > > > > Nada is crazy. I know this. I've learned to separate her actions from my actions. I'm 'getting it. " > > > > > > But sometimes her CRAZY is crazy... > > > > > > Nada is in town for a week. She still stays at my dads. > > > > > > So.... My son and his BF have been hanging out since Friday with us... last night they wanted to spend the night at my dads (better TV and snacks ;o) Dad didn't care... he just made sure they had stuff for breakfast and all was cool. The boys love hanging with him, he's the 'crazy vietman vet' guy everyone loves... > > > > > > So him and I walk into the house, I said something funny (or so I thought) to Nada, " Congratulations, you have TEENS! They're going to sleep in the living room tonight... " > > > > > > She turned around and glared at me then snarled. " I AM *NOT* GOING TO GET UP AND MAKE THEM BREAKFAST!!!!!! " > > > > > > I just stopped moving. Looked at her and realized - somehow - this was about HER! No one asked her to make breakfast, no one said a word to her about anything. Not her house, not her decision, not her anything. I walked out and went to hang out with the boys. > > > > > > Eventually she came out and went waif. " Do they have sleeping bags? etc. etc. " I said, " I'm pulling blankets off the spare bed, they're going to sleep out here. We've done this before. They're fine. " Then she started crying and went into " help me " mode. I just ignored her and refused to look at her. She stormed off. A few minutes later and she was in the hall saying, " I need help with the blankets... NOW! " I said, " I " ll get to it in a bit... don't worry about it. You don't need to do anything. " 5 minutes later she's standing in front of the TV with the blankets going on and on about where do I want these... etc. The boys were watching a DR. Who marathon and were very annoyed at her for blocking the TV but sorta stunned. I said, " just drop them, thank. " She then huffed back down the hall. The boys looked at eachother and rolled their eyes and my son mouthed to me, " She's crazy! " > > > > > > So in the end they decided to change their minds and come home with me (better sleeping accomodations and a pool for later today)... so we cleaned up and left about 1/2 hour later. AFTER Nada announced she was " Unappreciated so she's going to bed! " > > > > > > I'd like to thank my therapist for getting me to the point to realize things like this are just nuts! The created drama, the stress, the potential for justifying what is and what she perceives. How somehow the act of two teens who want to hang at grandpa's (and who have done this before with NO issues) is suddenly a 'thing' when she's in town. I didn't react. I didn't engage. I didn't do anything. But boy did she spin! > > > > > > Today is a family/friends dinner I'm hosting at a local restaurant for my son's graduation. Otta be a blast. Pray for us! > > > > > > Lynnette - Leaving the Mad Hatter's Tea Party more and more... > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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