Re: AM I BEING HOOVERED????

[Guest guest]

Yes you are being hoovered ! I can't say for sure that your nada was or is like

mine , but without doubt if my nada acted like this it would be a well thought

out plan to regain control over me. Ive made the mistake of letting her worm her

way back in before and it was just a matter of time before her real aim came

out.Maybe you can some day get the closure , I hope so , but for me I have to

deal with the fact that that will Never happen . Only you know if you are ready

to give up trying, but if you do stop trying you have no reason to feel guilty

about preserving your own mental health.Hope this helps a little.

>

> Hi,

>

> I contacted my nada after a year NC via telephone last week, she listened to a

bit of what I had to say, but nothing has really changed she is still having

affairs behind my alcoholic step fathers back, she told me she is seeing a

married guy etc, i told her that i contacted her for closure and apologies for

all the abuse i have endured my whole life.

>

> I ended the telephone converstation with..... " I will be in touch if and when i

feel the time is right, im getting on with my life "

>

> I gets home from work today to a message on my Facebook from her boyfriend

insisting that i contact my mum as there are things she needs to tell me and

that she misses me so much, and that she has left my step father

>

> I am guessing the usual has happened, she has left my step father because she

has interest somewhere else, it wont last long and she will be back with him as

she is very co-dependant, and as per usual she wants me to mother her and pull

her out the crap, she wants the drama etc...............i think i am being

hoovered.................what do you guys think???

>

> Thanks

> x

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

* HOOVER ALERT *

Yes, you are being hoovered. Stay strong, stick to your guns.

If you break your NC you are only training your nada to triangulate more and

ignore your NC boundaries. You CLEARLY laid out the boundary on your terms and

she's violating it via her new beau. THIS IS NOT OK.

Please do not fall for it, you're only going to encourage her to violate you in

the future, if you cave in.

Your nada only misses you because you are a garbage receptacle for all of her

drama and BS. She misses you indeed, because who is now going to offer her a

shoulder to cry on? This is the perfect time to continue to stay away. It's all

about her remember! Her drama, her needs, her problems, etc. etc. It's never

about you or your needs.

Steer clear of the hoover my dear.

[Guest guest]

The official term for that kind of behavior is " triangulation, " and the standard

response is to say, " well, have HER tell that to me HERSELF. " And typically they

don't because at its base triangulation is an act of cowardice.

Since you are already NC, and successfully, what purpose would it serve even to

react with " have HER tell me " ?

In such a case perhaps no response is the best response.

Tina

>

> this is a very COMMON ploy by nadas...to get someone else to tell you to

> call her....

>

>

> Jackie

>

>

>

>

> Thanks so much......I very nearly fell for it, although there was a part of

> me that said " no your being hoovered "

>

> Y'know what makes me laugh??? The boyfriend having the cheek to email me

> insisting on that I CALL HER, wow I've never even met this guy.........oh

> well sorry poor mummy, you should have thought about all this before you

> decided to give your daughters years of hell and abuse.

>

> Part of me feels sad and guilty but then my rational side kicks in and feels

> NO im not interested.....wow these f**kers really are foooked lol

>

> claire x

>