NC and doing fine!

[Guest guest]

I just want to take this time and applaud all of you out there that is LC, NC or

committing to setting boundaries. No one else realizes how hard of a road it is

and what a great life awaits us when we eventually get there.

I am NC and have been for the past 4 months and so far it has been the best 4

months of my life. Its horrible to say that out loud but its true. I feel like I

got out of a jungle and made it into paradise. I never knew that life could be

so wonderful without the drama and headache from my nada. She has forced me to

endure so much stress and heartache that I am starting to feel sorry for her.

How sad it must be to not be able to see life the way it really is? To live

everyday in agony and, in my nada's case because she is a " Witch " , a constant

struggle and battle because to her life is war.

For those of you who are contemplating going NC, let me just say that its not

easy by any means. I did a lot of crying and soul searching in the beginning

because it ultimately wasn't something I wanted to do. I was caught up with what

I " wanted " my relationship to be with my mother as oppossed to what it really

was. Its a hassle, its heartbreaking and its a pain, especially during the

holidays. But let me reassure you that in the end, the reward is living your

life for yourself. For the first time, I feel like I have control over my own

life! And its great!

AJ

[Guest guest]

Hi AJ,

thank you for your post, it is so uplifting! I'm going to save it for the tough

times that I know lie ahead of me. I am LC and going to attempt NC in 2 years

when I am financially independent. Even LC comes with a lot of guilt and I

completely agree with you- I have been preoccupied with what I wanted my

relationship with nada to be like instead of the reality. I am so glad that

you're doing well and it makes me all the more excited for my eventual NC.

>

> I just want to take this time and applaud all of you out there that is LC, NC

or committing to setting boundaries. No one else realizes how hard of a road it

is and what a great life awaits us when we eventually get there.

>

> I am NC and have been for the past 4 months and so far it has been the best 4

months of my life. Its horrible to say that out loud but its true. I feel like I

got out of a jungle and made it into paradise. I never knew that life could be

so wonderful without the drama and headache from my nada. She has forced me to

endure so much stress and heartache that I am starting to feel sorry for her.

How sad it must be to not be able to see life the way it really is? To live

everyday in agony and, in my nada's case because she is a " Witch " , a constant

struggle and battle because to her life is war.

>

> For those of you who are contemplating going NC, let me just say that its not

easy by any means. I did a lot of crying and soul searching in the beginning

because it ultimately wasn't something I wanted to do. I was caught up with what

I " wanted " my relationship to be with my mother as oppossed to what it really

was. Its a hassle, its heartbreaking and its a pain, especially during the

holidays. But let me reassure you that in the end, the reward is living your

life for yourself. For the first time, I feel like I have control over my own

life! And its great!

>

> AJ

>

[Guest guest]

Good for you, AJ! I have been NC for almost two years, now, and the best part

for me is the Dignity and Freedom to act according to my own conscience. No

longer am I pressured to lie or hide my feelings because the repercussions would

be too much to bear. No longer am I set up in a situation where I have to 'take

it' if nada/NP-Dad attack me, and have no way to defend myself. Nadas

specialize in Catch 22s. It is worth it.

_Charlie

> >

> > I just want to take this time and applaud all of you out there that is LC,

NC or committing to setting boundaries. No one else realizes how hard of a road

it is and what a great life awaits us when we eventually get there.

> >

> > I am NC and have been for the past 4 months and so far it has been the best

4 months of my life. Its horrible to say that out loud but its true. I feel like

I got out of a jungle and made it into paradise. I never knew that life could be

so wonderful without the drama and headache from my nada. She has forced me to

endure so much stress and heartache that I am starting to feel sorry for her.

How sad it must be to not be able to see life the way it really is? To live

everyday in agony and, in my nada's case because she is a " Witch " , a constant

struggle and battle because to her life is war.

> >

> > For those of you who are contemplating going NC, let me just say that its

not easy by any means. I did a lot of crying and soul searching in the beginning

because it ultimately wasn't something I wanted to do. I was caught up with what

I " wanted " my relationship to be with my mother as oppossed to what it really

was. Its a hassle, its heartbreaking and its a pain, especially during the

holidays. But let me reassure you that in the end, the reward is living your

life for yourself. For the first time, I feel like I have control over my own

life! And its great!

> >

> > AJ

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Way to go, AJ! When I went NC, I was at the end of my rope and thought it would

be a brief break, but the further I am away from that situation the happier and

healthier I am. The hardest part has been reconciling who I wanted my mother to

be and who Nada actually is. I still have trouble with that. Thanks for

reminding me.

> > >

> > > I just want to take this time and applaud all of you out there that is LC,

NC or committing to setting boundaries. No one else realizes how hard of a road

it is and what a great life awaits us when we eventually get there.

> > >

> > > I am NC and have been for the past 4 months and so far it has been the

best 4 months of my life. Its horrible to say that out loud but its true. I feel

like I got out of a jungle and made it into paradise. I never knew that life

could be so wonderful without the drama and headache from my nada. She has

forced me to endure so much stress and heartache that I am starting to feel

sorry for her. How sad it must be to not be able to see life the way it really

is? To live everyday in agony and, in my nada's case because she is a " Witch " , a

constant struggle and battle because to her life is war.

> > >

> > > For those of you who are contemplating going NC, let me just say that its

not easy by any means. I did a lot of crying and soul searching in the beginning

because it ultimately wasn't something I wanted to do. I was caught up with what

I " wanted " my relationship to be with my mother as oppossed to what it really

was. Its a hassle, its heartbreaking and its a pain, especially during the

holidays. But let me reassure you that in the end, the reward is living your

life for yourself. For the first time, I feel like I have control over my own

life! And its great!

> > >

> > > AJ

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I so agree with the lying part, too. My nada and I had a mutual friend in common

and I would HATE going to her birthday parties or events because I was

constantly watched by my nada...how I dressed, acted around her, how often I

talked to her, how I " allowed " my husband to act, etc....and I would always have

to lie! Anytime she would ask me what I was doing that weekend, I had to lie

because she always pressured me to see her!

Its so nice to be away from that.

AJ

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Re: NC and doing fine!

Good for you, AJ! I have been NC for almost two years, now, and the best part

for me is the Dignity and Freedom to act according to my own conscience. No

longer am I pressured to lie or hide my feelings because the repercussions would

be too much to bear. No longer am I set up in a situation where I have to 'take

it' if nada/NP-Dad attack me, and have no way to defend myself. Nadas

specialize in Catch 22s. It is worth it.

_Charlie

> >

> > I just want to take this time and applaud all of you out there that is LC,

NC or committing to setting boundaries. No one else realizes how hard of a road

it is and what a great life awaits us when we eventually get there.

> >

> > I am NC and have been for the past 4 months and so far it has been the best

4 months of my life. Its horrible to say that out loud but its true. I feel like

I got out of a jungle and made it into paradise. I never knew that life could be

so wonderful without the drama and headache from my nada. She has forced me to

endure so much stress and heartache that I am starting to feel sorry for her.

How sad it must be to not be able to see life the way it really is? To live

everyday in agony and, in my nada's case because she is a " Witch " , a constant

struggle and battle because to her life is war.

> >

> > For those of you who are contemplating going NC, let me just say that its

not easy by any means. I did a lot of crying and soul searching in the beginning

because it ultimately wasn't something I wanted to do. I was caught up with what

I " wanted " my relationship to be with my mother as oppossed to what it really

was. Its a hassle, its heartbreaking and its a pain, especially during the

holidays. But let me reassure you that in the end, the reward is living your

life for yourself. For the first time, I feel like I have control over my own

life! And its great!

> >

> > AJ

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I get so much out of reading all the posts here. I hav been NC for about 6

years, and it's been a very rough road for me until recently, when I found out

about BPD and that was what made our family so sick, so painful, so impossible.

I discovered you folks about a month ago and my life has changed. I can hold me

head up. I am putting together what happened to me, what I can control and what

I can't. I have so much enthusiasm for my future. I have faith in myself.

Probably the most important thing I've learned is that " normal " people don't

just randomly lash out or abandon others. I've been ging along my whole life

with my head down, waiting for others to act the way my " normal " (ha ha) parents

acted. (BPD nada, Narcissist fada). At the same time, I'm able to examine myself

a little more closely for " fleas " and rein myself in emotionally. I'm not as

needy with others, and I'm a better judge of character already. All this in 30

little days, after a lifetime of negativity.

I just want to say thanks to one and all. Keep posting, and I'll keep learning.

Sincerely, with thanks,

Away From Borderland

> >

> > I just want to take this time and applaud all of you out there that is LC,

NC or committing to setting boundaries. No one else realizes how hard of a road

it is and what a great life awaits us when we eventually get there.

> >

> > I am NC and have been for the past 4 months and so far it has been the best

4 months of my life. Its horrible to say that out loud but its true. I feel like

I got out of a jungle and made it into paradise. I never knew that life could be

so wonderful without the drama and headache from my nada. She has forced me to

endure so much stress and heartache that I am starting to feel sorry for her.

How sad it must be to not be able to see life the way it really is? To live

everyday in agony and, in my nada's case because she is a " Witch " , a constant

struggle and battle because to her life is war.

> >

> > For those of you who are contemplating going NC, let me just say that its

not easy by any means. I did a lot of crying and soul searching in the beginning

because it ultimately wasn't something I wanted to do. I was caught up with what

I " wanted " my relationship to be with my mother as oppossed to what it really

was. Its a hassle, its heartbreaking and its a pain, especially during the

holidays. But let me reassure you that in the end, the reward is living your

life for yourself. For the first time, I feel like I have control over my own

life! And its great!

> >

> > AJ

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks for these posts. I am on week 3 of NC with NADA/FADA and LC with the

extended family. it's not easy. I spend more time thinking about my parents than

I have in years. I am already wondering what to do about father's day. If I

don't send a card, there is hell to pay. if I don't call, there is worse hell to

pay - BUT it was 3 weeks ago that FADA told me i was out of the family for the

rest of my life if I wasn't willing to " make believe none of it happened " . I get

it. I know how this goes. he is tired of hearing NADA cry. Whoever is MAKING her

cry is the bad person. period. He will do and say whatever he needs to do or say

to get her to shutup!

It's so complex when you get to see how it has all worked your entire life. How

the father has controlled all emotions allowed in the family

to keep the mother at bay. How he has always held all the power and has always

been in charge of all the feelings allowed to be demonstrated in the family.

I have learned over the last 10 years to stop talking to my dad after 4pm. after

his second martini. He gets downright belligerent.

I wrote to my mom last week that all our contact will be via email for a while.

That neither of us are enjoying the conversations we have had lately and I can't

live in this much pain anymore - and I am sure she can't either. (make it about

her and she will understand?) I got an email from her yesterday that she " misses

talking to me " . it's the closest she has come to showing any caring towards me

at all in a very long time - and it felt honest! It felt humble. something I

have never seen her express - humility. empathy. she is NOT calling me. She is

paying attention to my boundaries. amazing! She has called but I don't answer

and she doesn't leave a message. I respond by emailing that I missed her call

and Is there a family issue I should know about? However, there is a part of me

that is wanting to get taken in by just that small amount of kindness. what does

that tell you? (is it even kindness? it's pathetic that just that one sentence

actually was more than I have gotten in so long - it was meaningful! Just

stating ONCE that she misses me and I am ready to cave! instead, I wrote her a

long email about boundaries and why I am doing what I am doing. We'll see if she

understands or responds angrily.

about to start week 4. I am already torn up about father's day as whatever I do,

will be " drawing my line in the sand " . (I can even hear them saying it!) it's

amazing to me how little empathy/caring/kindness it takes for me to be " back in

the game " . sad really.

I have done a lot of writing this week. I am finding it healing.

thanks all, be.

-------------

" I was at the end of my rope and thought it would be a brief break, but the

further I am away from that situation the happier and healthier I am. The

hardest part has been reconciling who I wanted my mother to be and who Nada

actually is. I still have trouble with that. "

" the best part for me is the Dignity and Freedom to act according to my own

conscience. No longer am I pressured to lie or hide my feelings because the

repercussions would be too much to bear. No longer am I set up in a situation

where I have to 'take it' if nada/NP-Dad attack me, and have no way to defend

myself. Nadas specialize in Catch 22s. "

" I just want to take this time and applaud all of you out there that is LC, NC

or committing to setting boundaries. No one else realizes how hard of a road it

is "

" For those of you who are contemplating going NC, let me just say that its not

easy by any means. I did a lot of crying and soul searching in the beginning

because it ultimately wasn't something I wanted to do. I was caught up with what

I " wanted " my relationship to be with my mother as opposed to what it really

was. Its a hassle, its heartbreaking and its a pain, especially during the

holidays. "

[Guest guest]

Good for you!! So I've been off of this board because I didn't know if I

belonged here. I guess I went back into denial that things really are that

Effed up.

Your FADA/NADA sounds just like mine. The fact that I can even label them as

FADA and NADA is a huge freaking step for me.

So FADA was our gateway of emotion. Basically, no emotion was allowed to be

expressed except for him. And if I had a an issue I needed to talk to NADA

about, he took the phone and took over in an attempt to protect her from me

because I a horrible, mean, overbearing, bossy, etc daughter.

I finally, now, know that I am not the sick one. I am quite normal, with

healthy core values and beliefs. And guess what? I'm a great mom!! everyone

says so! My child is special needs with lots of medical issues and I have

dedicated my life to her.

I'm babbling I guess.

What I want to know is why the hell didn't NADA stand up for me when FADA was

abusing me?

What is some of the psycho-est stuff that FADA or NADA have done?

Palak

>

> Thanks for these posts. I am on week 3 of NC with NADA/FADA and LC with the

extended family. it's not easy. I spend more time thinking about my parents than

I have in years. I am already wondering what to do about father's day. If I

don't send a card, there is hell to pay. if I don't call, there is worse hell to

pay - BUT it was 3 weeks ago that FADA told me i was out of the family for the

rest of my life if I wasn't willing to " make believe none of it happened " . I get

it. I know how this goes. he is tired of hearing NADA cry. Whoever is MAKING her

cry is the bad person. period. He will do and say whatever he needs to do or say

to get her to shutup!

>

> It's so complex when you get to see how it has all worked your entire life.

How the father has controlled all emotions allowed in the family

> to keep the mother at bay. How he has always held all the power and has always

been in charge of all the feelings allowed to be demonstrated in the family.

>

> I have learned over the last 10 years to stop talking to my dad after 4pm.

after his second martini. He gets downright belligerent.

>

> I wrote to my mom last week that all our contact will be via email for a

while. That neither of us are enjoying the conversations we have had lately and

I can't live in this much pain anymore - and I am sure she can't either. (make

it about her and she will understand?) I got an email from her yesterday that

she " misses talking to me " . it's the closest she has come to showing any caring

towards me at all in a very long time - and it felt honest! It felt humble.

something I have never seen her express - humility. empathy. she is NOT calling

me. She is paying attention to my boundaries. amazing! She has called but I

don't answer and she doesn't leave a message. I respond by emailing that I

missed her call and Is there a family issue I should know about? However, there

is a part of me that is wanting to get taken in by just that small amount of

kindness. what does that tell you? (is it even kindness? it's pathetic that just

that one sentence actually was more than I have gotten in so long - it was

meaningful! Just stating ONCE that she misses me and I am ready to cave!

instead, I wrote her a long email about boundaries and why I am doing what I am

doing. We'll see if she understands or responds angrily.

>

> about to start week 4. I am already torn up about father's day as whatever I

do, will be " drawing my line in the sand " . (I can even hear them saying it!)

it's amazing to me how little empathy/caring/kindness it takes for me to be

" back in the game " . sad really.

>

> I have done a lot of writing this week. I am finding it healing.

> thanks all, be.

>

> -------------

>

> " I was at the end of my rope and thought it would be a brief break, but the

further I am away from that situation the happier and healthier I am. The

hardest part has been reconciling who I wanted my mother to be and who Nada

actually is. I still have trouble with that. "

>

> " the best part for me is the Dignity and Freedom to act according to my own

conscience. No longer am I pressured to lie or hide my feelings because the

repercussions would be too much to bear. No longer am I set up in a situation

where I have to 'take it' if nada/NP-Dad attack me, and have no way to defend

myself. Nadas specialize in Catch 22s. "

>

> " I just want to take this time and applaud all of you out there that is LC, NC

or committing to setting boundaries. No one else realizes how hard of a road it

is "

>

> " For those of you who are contemplating going NC, let me just say that its not

easy by any means. I did a lot of crying and soul searching in the beginning

because it ultimately wasn't something I wanted to do. I was caught up with what

I " wanted " my relationship to be with my mother as opposed to what it really

was. Its a hassle, its heartbreaking and its a pain, especially during the

holidays. "

>