Re: My Nada Being Absurd - Dementia or Just More BPD?

[Guest guest]

I don't have any hands on experience with dementia, but she sure sounds like

full blown, looking for drama and attention BPD to me!

>

> I called nada yesterday because she had sent me money and since I moved I

wanted to thank her and reassure her I did get the money as she is paranoid that

the postman will 'steal it' or someone who works there before it gets to me.

The fact that it's a CHECK made out to ME is besides the point. She totally

ignored my thanks etc and went right into blaming me because the man I had

gotten for her to put her one gutter pipe back in (the best friend of my friend

in New Jersey's brother who I never met) called to say when he was coming over

and never came. " I waited THREE WEEKS for that s.o.b. friend of YOURS and YOU

caused me chest pains, sleepless nights, trouble catching my breathe and it

almost KILLED me! " First of all I wanted to tell her I have no control over

what that man does or doesn't do. I was in the middle of moving and had a lot

of my own concerns - not that that matters at ALL to nada and I am several

states away to begin with. Even if I did live in NJ I have no control over what

that man does or doesn't do. Also she hired a contractor to do the work and a

LOT more to the tune of over $8,000 and complained because the man was charging

$1,700 more than he had originally said (no written estimate)and I said, " Gee,

Mom, that's a lot more money. I'm sorry to hear that " - she replied with " YOU

act like it's YOUR money! Not yet it isn't and I can damn well do as I please.

The house was never fixed up by Eddie and I am left with this mess. I can't get

out of the house now either because the bastards are taking a LONG weekend and

not coming back to finish the work 'til WEDNESDAY! I can't get out of my

house! " First of all she is 89 and she can hardly walk anyway. She doesn't

drive anymore thank God (she gave that up herself a long while ago now) and her

neighbors do all the errand running for her out of the kindness of their hearts

so she doesn't need to go out. She added that they did a 'great job on the

front' (new sidewalk - gutter pipe replaced) - sidewalk around the side isn't

quite finished yet but they had to dig to re-morter and put new bricks on the

side of her house that were crumbling, put in the new sidewalk, put in new

stairs going up the back yard as they were crumbling and so a lot of digging was

necessary making a hole by her side door. She could get out the front (down

the steps there) if she really needed to but I don't think stairs and my nada

are a good 'match' anymore.

>

> I talked to her neighbor Kathy who helps her the most and she said that the

boss of the construction job who spoke to her had asked if nada was a foreigner

because she couldn't understand him when he spoke. Kathy said no, she just

can't hear so scream at her. (Nada will not get her hearing aids fixed or new

ones). Nada told me they were driving her nuts having to use HER bathroom and

asking her a few times a day for a glass of water. There are four men doing the

job from what I understand and what did she expect! Kathy said they were taking

a 'long Memorial Day weekend' and were hoping to finish the job Wednesday. Nada

ranted and ranted about how long it was taking and how they were disrupting her

life etc. How DARE they leave the job undone she said. Per usual nothing and

no one suits. I wouldn't want to work for nada for sure no matter how much

money she was paying me.

>

> So is it the BPD, dementia or both? She is talking a bit nuts expecting all

this tremendous work be done on HER time schedule.

>

> I do have one friend up here left who believes I am being a 'bad daughter'

because I am not down there taking care of nada myself and supervising the

construction guys myself. She has no idea what she is asking of me first of all

but even if she did, she thinks it is my 'duty'. Nada is a witch; the Queen and

sometimes the waif when it suits her but there is no WAY I could live with her

and accept all the verbal abuse, battering and control nada tries to dish out

still nor would I want to. Forget the fact that nada told me a long while ago

now that she demanded I come down there to take care of her but only one of my

cats was welcome so the other had to be 'put away' and personally and not only

that but the house rules were to be I was not to associate with anyone except my

one friend left down there Pip; I was not to date; I was to disable the internet

because it was evil; I was to be her slave (her words) 24-7; that she would

'whip me into shape' and put me on the scale 3 times a day and if I gained one

OUNCE, she would make sure I didn't eat the next meal and 'teach me how to be

just like her'. I am 59 years old and not a child to begin with. There is no

way I could live with nada nor would I want to. I limit contact with my friend

who thinks I am being a bad daughter for not moving down there because I just

don't want to argue about it and whose life is this anyway.

>

> Sorry for the ranting but none of my friends seem to understand what I go

through with this witch nada of mine. Limiting communication with nada to two

to three times a week seems to be working to an extent but sometimes I just want

to tell her off and be done with it. I bite my tongue and I'm sick of it.

>

> So do you think it's dementia or just more BPD with her or both?

>

[Guest guest]

What you describe sounds like BPD to me. I wouldn't rule out

some dementia on top of the BPD, but I have no trouble believing

that BPD without dementia is enought to cause this behavior. It

sounds like typical " everything is about me " behavior.

I think you're right to limit contact with the " friend " who

thinks it is your duty to go down there and take care of her.

People like that fall into the " with friends like that, who

needs enemies? " category in my opinion. Friends can disagree on

what is best, but real friends drop it when it becomes clear

that the subject upsets you and that you're not going to change

your mind.

At 07:34 AM 05/30/2010 Romantic Libra wrote:

>I called nada yesterday because she had sent me money and since

>I moved I wanted to thank her and reassure her I did get the

>money as she is paranoid that the postman will 'steal it' or

>someone who works there before it gets to me. The fact that

>it's a CHECK made out to ME is besides the point. She totally

>ignored my thanks etc and went right into blaming me because

>the man I had gotten for her to put her one gutter pipe back

>in (the best friend of my friend in New Jersey's brother who I

>never met) called to say when he was coming over and never

>came. " I waited THREE WEEKS for that s.o.b. friend of YOURS

>and YOU caused me chest pains, sleepless nights, trouble

>catching my breathe and it almost KILLED me! " First of all I

>wanted to tell her I have no control over what that man does or

>doesn't do. I was in the middle of moving and had a lot of my

>own concerns - not that that matters at ALL to nada and I am

>several states away to begin with. Even if I did live in NJ I

>have no control over what that man does or doesn't do. Also

>she hired a contractor to do the work and a LOT more to the

>tune of over $8,000 and complained because the man was charging

>$1,700 more than he had originally said (no written

>estimate)and I said, " Gee, Mom, that's a lot more money. I'm

>sorry to hear that " - she replied with " YOU act like it's YOUR

>money! Not yet it isn't and I can damn well do as I

>please. The house was never fixed up by Eddie and I am left

>with this mess. I can't get out of the house now either

>because the bastards are taking a LONG weekend and not coming

>back to finish the work 'til WEDNESDAY! I can't get out of my

>house! " First of all she is 89 and she can hardly walk

>anyway. She doesn't drive anymore thank God (she gave that up

>herself a long while ago now) and her neighbors do all the

>errand running for her out of the kindness of their hearts so

>she doesn't need to go out. She added that they did a 'great

>job on the front' (new sidewalk - gutter pipe replaced) -

>sidewalk around the side isn't quite finished yet but they had

>to dig to re-morter and put new bricks on the side of her house

>that were crumbling, put in the new sidewalk, put in new stairs

>going up the back yard as they were crumbling and so a lot of

>digging was necessary making a hole by her side door. She

>could get out the front (down the steps there) if she really

>needed to but I don't think stairs and my nada are a good

>'match' anymore.

>

>I talked to her neighbor Kathy who helps her the most and she

>said that the boss of the construction job who spoke to her had

>asked if nada was a foreigner because she couldn't understand

>him when he spoke. Kathy said no, she just can't hear so

>scream at her. (Nada will not get her hearing aids fixed or

>new ones). Nada told me they were driving her nuts having to

>use HER bathroom and asking her a few times a day for a glass

>of water. There are four men doing the job from what I

>understand and what did she expect! Kathy said they were

>taking a 'long Memorial Day weekend' and were hoping to finish

>the job Wednesday. Nada ranted and ranted about how long it

>was taking and how they were disrupting her life etc. How DARE

>they leave the job undone she said. Per usual nothing and no

>one suits. I wouldn't want to work for nada for sure no matter

>how much money she was paying me.

>

>So is it the BPD, dementia or both? She is talking a bit nuts

>expecting all this tremendous work be done on HER time schedule.

>

>I do have one friend up here left who believes I am being a

>'bad daughter' because I am not down there taking care of nada

>myself and supervising the construction guys myself. She has

>no idea what she is asking of me first of all but even if she

>did, she thinks it is my 'duty'. Nada is a witch; the Queen

>and sometimes the waif when it suits her but there is no WAY I

>could live with her and accept all the verbal abuse, battering

>and control nada tries to dish out still nor would I want

>to. Forget the fact that nada told me a long while ago now

>that she demanded I come down there to take care of her but

>only one of my cats was welcome so the other had to be 'put

>away' and personally and not only that but the house rules were

>to be I was not to associate with anyone except my one friend

>left down there Pip; I was not to date; I was to disable the

>internet because it was evil; I was to be her slave (her

>words) 24-7; that she would 'whip me into shape' and put me on

>the scale 3 times a day and if I gained one OUNCE, she would

>make sure I didn't eat the next meal and 'teach me how to be

>just like her'. I am 59 years old and not a child to begin

>with. There is no way I could live with nada nor would I want

>to. I limit contact with my friend who thinks I am being a bad

>daughter for not moving down there because I just don't want to

>argue about it and whose life is this anyway.

>

>Sorry for the ranting but none of my friends seem to understand

>what I go through with this witch nada of mine. Limiting

>communication with nada to two to three times a week seems to

>be working to an extent but sometimes I just want to tell her

>off and be done with it. I bite my tongue and I'm sick of it.

>

>So do you think it's dementia or just more BPD with her or

>both?

--

Katrina

[Guest guest]

my vote is BPD...this sounds exactly like the things my nada does...blames

me for things I have no control over, complains non stop about something

thats not done to her time frame...

Jackie

I called nada yesterday because she had sent me money and since I moved I

wanted to thank her and reassure her I did get the money as she is paranoid

that the postman will 'steal it' or someone who works there before it gets

to me. The fact that it's a CHECK made out to ME is besides the point. She

totally ignored my thanks etc and went right into blaming me because the man

I had gotten for her to put her one gutter pipe back in (the best friend of

my friend in New Jersey's brother who I never met) called to say when he was

coming over and never came. " I waited THREE WEEKS for that s.o.b. friend of

YOURS and YOU caused me chest pains, sleepless nights, trouble catching my

breathe and it almost KILLED me! " First of all I wanted to tell her I have

no control over what that man does or doesn't do. I was in the middle of

moving and had a lot of my own concerns - not that that matters at ALL to

nada and I am several states away to begin with. Even if I did live in NJ I

have no control over what that man does or doesn't do. Also she hired a

contractor to do the work and a LOT more to the tune of over $8,000 and

complained because the man was charging $1,700 more than he had originally

said (no written estimate)and I said, " Gee, Mom, that's a lot more money.

I'm sorry to hear that " - she replied with " YOU act like it's YOUR money!

Not yet it isn't and I can damn well do as I please. The house was never

fixed up by Eddie and I am left with this mess. I can't get out of the

house now either because the bastards are taking a LONG weekend and not

coming back to finish the work 'til WEDNESDAY! I can't get out of my

house! " First of all she is 89 and she can hardly walk anyway. She doesn't

drive anymore thank God (she gave that up herself a long while ago now) and

her neighbors do all the errand running for her out of the kindness of their

hearts so she doesn't need to go out. She added that they did a 'great job

on the front' (new sidewalk - gutter pipe replaced) - sidewalk around the

side isn't quite finished yet but they had to dig to re-morter and put new

bricks on the side of her house that were crumbling, put in the new

sidewalk, put in new stairs going up the back yard as they were crumbling

and so a lot of digging was necessary making a hole by her side door. She

could get out the front (down the steps there) if she really needed to but

I don't think stairs and my nada are a good 'match' anymore.

I talked to her neighbor Kathy who helps her the most and she said that the

boss of the construction job who spoke to her had asked if nada was a

foreigner because she couldn't understand him when he spoke. Kathy said no,

she just can't hear so scream at her. (Nada will not get her hearing aids

fixed or new ones). Nada told me they were driving her nuts having to use

HER bathroom and asking her a few times a day for a glass of water. There

are four men doing the job from what I understand and what did she expect!

Kathy said they were taking a 'long Memorial Day weekend' and were hoping to

finish the job Wednesday. Nada ranted and ranted about how long it was

taking and how they were disrupting her life etc. How DARE they leave the

job undone she said. Per usual nothing and no one suits. I wouldn't want

to work for nada for sure no matter how much money she was paying me.

So is it the BPD, dementia or both? She is talking a bit nuts expecting all

this tremendous work be done on HER time schedule.

I do have one friend up here left who believes I am being a 'bad daughter'

because I am not down there taking care of nada myself and supervising the

construction guys myself. She has no idea what she is asking of me first of

all but even if she did, she thinks it is my 'duty'. Nada is a witch; the

Queen and sometimes the waif when it suits her but there is no WAY I could

live with her and accept all the verbal abuse, battering and control nada

tries to dish out still nor would I want to. Forget the fact that nada told

me a long while ago now that she demanded I come down there to take care of

her but only one of my cats was welcome so the other had to be 'put away'

and personally and not only that but the house rules were to be I was not to

associate with anyone except my one friend left down there Pip; I was not to

date; I was to disable the internet because it was evil; I was to be her

slave (her words) 24-7; that she would 'whip me into shape' and put me on

the scale 3 times a day and if I gained one OUNCE, she would make sure I

didn't eat the next meal and 'teach me how to be just like her'. I am 59

years old and not a child to begin with. There is no way I could live with

nada nor would I want to. I limit contact with my friend who thinks I am

being a bad daughter for not moving down there because I just don't want to

argue about it and whose life is this anyway.

Sorry for the ranting but none of my friends seem to understand what I go

through with this witch nada of mine. Limiting communication with nada to

two to three times a week seems to be working to an extent but sometimes I

just want to tell her off and be done with it. I bite my tongue and I'm

sick of it.

So do you think it's dementia or just more BPD with her or both?

[Guest guest]

I agree with your decision to limit your contact with the friend that doesn't

understand, we feel enough guilt without someone else adding to it whether they

mean to or not.

It sounds like she may have a touch of dementia on top of the BPD, either way

it's not easy to deal with. All the complaining and negativity can be so

draining.

>

> my vote is BPD...this sounds exactly like the things my nada does...blames

> me for things I have no control over, complains non stop about something

> thats not done to her time frame...

>

> Jackie

>

>

>

>

> I called nada yesterday because she had sent me money and since I moved I

> wanted to thank her and reassure her I did get the money as she is paranoid

> that the postman will 'steal it' or someone who works there before it gets

> to me. The fact that it's a CHECK made out to ME is besides the point. She

> totally ignored my thanks etc and went right into blaming me because the man

> I had gotten for her to put her one gutter pipe back in (the best friend of

> my friend in New Jersey's brother who I never met) called to say when he was

> coming over and never came. " I waited THREE WEEKS for that s.o.b. friend of

> YOURS and YOU caused me chest pains, sleepless nights, trouble catching my

> breathe and it almost KILLED me! " First of all I wanted to tell her I have

> no control over what that man does or doesn't do. I was in the middle of

> moving and had a lot of my own concerns - not that that matters at ALL to

> nada and I am several states away to begin with. Even if I did live in NJ I

> have no control over what that man does or doesn't do. Also she hired a

> contractor to do the work and a LOT more to the tune of over $8,000 and

> complained because the man was charging $1,700 more than he had originally

> said (no written estimate)and I said, " Gee, Mom, that's a lot more money.

> I'm sorry to hear that " - she replied with " YOU act like it's YOUR money!

> Not yet it isn't and I can damn well do as I please. The house was never

> fixed up by Eddie and I am left with this mess. I can't get out of the

> house now either because the bastards are taking a LONG weekend and not

> coming back to finish the work 'til WEDNESDAY! I can't get out of my

> house! " First of all she is 89 and she can hardly walk anyway. She doesn't

> drive anymore thank God (she gave that up herself a long while ago now) and

> her neighbors do all the errand running for her out of the kindness of their

> hearts so she doesn't need to go out. She added that they did a 'great job

> on the front' (new sidewalk - gutter pipe replaced) - sidewalk around the

> side isn't quite finished yet but they had to dig to re-morter and put new

> bricks on the side of her house that were crumbling, put in the new

> sidewalk, put in new stairs going up the back yard as they were crumbling

> and so a lot of digging was necessary making a hole by her side door. She

> could get out the front (down the steps there) if she really needed to but

> I don't think stairs and my nada are a good 'match' anymore.

>

> I talked to her neighbor Kathy who helps her the most and she said that the

> boss of the construction job who spoke to her had asked if nada was a

> foreigner because she couldn't understand him when he spoke. Kathy said no,

> she just can't hear so scream at her. (Nada will not get her hearing aids

> fixed or new ones). Nada told me they were driving her nuts having to use

> HER bathroom and asking her a few times a day for a glass of water. There

> are four men doing the job from what I understand and what did she expect!

> Kathy said they were taking a 'long Memorial Day weekend' and were hoping to

> finish the job Wednesday. Nada ranted and ranted about how long it was

> taking and how they were disrupting her life etc. How DARE they leave the

> job undone she said. Per usual nothing and no one suits. I wouldn't want

> to work for nada for sure no matter how much money she was paying me.

>

> So is it the BPD, dementia or both? She is talking a bit nuts expecting all

> this tremendous work be done on HER time schedule.

>

> I do have one friend up here left who believes I am being a 'bad daughter'

> because I am not down there taking care of nada myself and supervising the

> construction guys myself. She has no idea what she is asking of me first of

> all but even if she did, she thinks it is my 'duty'. Nada is a witch; the

> Queen and sometimes the waif when it suits her but there is no WAY I could

> live with her and accept all the verbal abuse, battering and control nada

> tries to dish out still nor would I want to. Forget the fact that nada told

> me a long while ago now that she demanded I come down there to take care of

> her but only one of my cats was welcome so the other had to be 'put away'

> and personally and not only that but the house rules were to be I was not to

> associate with anyone except my one friend left down there Pip; I was not to

> date; I was to disable the internet because it was evil; I was to be her

> slave (her words) 24-7; that she would 'whip me into shape' and put me on

> the scale 3 times a day and if I gained one OUNCE, she would make sure I

> didn't eat the next meal and 'teach me how to be just like her'. I am 59

> years old and not a child to begin with. There is no way I could live with

> nada nor would I want to. I limit contact with my friend who thinks I am

> being a bad daughter for not moving down there because I just don't want to

> argue about it and whose life is this anyway.

>

> Sorry for the ranting but none of my friends seem to understand what I go

> through with this witch nada of mine. Limiting communication with nada to

> two to three times a week seems to be working to an extent but sometimes I

> just want to tell her off and be done with it. I bite my tongue and I'm

> sick of it.

>

> So do you think it's dementia or just more BPD with her or both?

>