Making a Timeline with my EMDR therapist

[Guest guest]

My EMDR therapist wanted me to make a timeline yesterday during session of hurts

or traumatic events, whatever you want to call them. She said she normally does

this first thing, but I had recent triggers that were plaguing me when we

started, so we just jumped in.

So we're on the floor with that giant presentation paper and I draw a line down

the middle lengthwise. I'm supposed to start from earliest memories and move

down the line. Write the event, the feelings, and the messages I got from them.

Of course, I was crying by the end of it. In that hour, we didn't make it past

the age of 7. If you'd asked me earlier how many traumatic things had happened

by that age, I would have said a couple. Also, writing this down showed me that

there were many, many times when I was " confused " , a state which I previously

did not think I was in that much as a kid.

Also, the messages were pretty consistent: I don't matter, I'm not allowed to

speak, I'm helpless, Nobody cares, My feelings are irrelevant, I'm a baby, My

mother wants me to be unhappy, I don't exist, I'm bad, I make people do bad

things, I take up too many resources, I'm not wanted.

Then I could see it on paper: the consistent messages, so hurtful, all before

the age of 8, and these are only the things that I remember. But if you asked

my parents, they would say that my childhood was normal and that they did a good

job.

Deanna

[Guest guest]

{{{{Hugs}}}}

We tried to do this in therapy too. Realized I have no 'real' memories from age

7 - 10... only those brought on by spotty pictures.

Nada swears 'she did the best she could and that I was happy.'

Sure mom...

I know EXACTLY where you are right now. It will pass... don't cave to the swirl

of the rabbit hole.

Lynnette

>

> My EMDR therapist wanted me to make a timeline yesterday during session of

hurts or traumatic events, whatever you want to call them. She said she

normally does this first thing, but I had recent triggers that were plaguing me

when we started, so we just jumped in.

>

> So we're on the floor with that giant presentation paper and I draw a line

down the middle lengthwise. I'm supposed to start from earliest memories and

move down the line. Write the event, the feelings, and the messages I got from

them.

>

> Of course, I was crying by the end of it. In that hour, we didn't make it past

the age of 7. If you'd asked me earlier how many traumatic things had happened

by that age, I would have said a couple. Also, writing this down showed me that

there were many, many times when I was " confused " , a state which I previously

did not think I was in that much as a kid.

>

> Also, the messages were pretty consistent: I don't matter, I'm not allowed to

speak, I'm helpless, Nobody cares, My feelings are irrelevant, I'm a baby, My

mother wants me to be unhappy, I don't exist, I'm bad, I make people do bad

things, I take up too many resources, I'm not wanted.

>

> Then I could see it on paper: the consistent messages, so hurtful, all before

the age of 8, and these are only the things that I remember. But if you asked

my parents, they would say that my childhood was normal and that they did a good

job.

>

> Deanna

>