Re: Why Can't People See the Phoniness

[Guest guest]

It's hard when you know how they really feel and act in private. After my Dad

died we had to go see her lawyer to get things straightened out. My Mom played

the helpless little old lady. Took in a cane, wobbled here and there all hunched

over. The lawyer snapped at me, " Help your mother! Take her arm! " I wanted to

spit. When my mom doesn't have an audience, she moves right along. Yesterday she

was bending over in the yard pulling weeds, bends over easily enough to clean up

after her dog. You get the idea.

She does the same thing around other people - acts so confused and helpless so

they'll feel sorry for her. And I look like the wicked child because I just

stand there. I don't care if a stranger gets that impression but when her

doctors and neighbors think I'm a neglectful *****, then I'm annoyed.

One neighbor even made the comment that we were doing " elder abuse. " You know

why? My mom had one of those fake dying attacks again and we spent hours in ER

with her. Of course we had to leave work and make arrangements to do all this so

she could lay there and laugh and talk with the hospital staff. They sent her

home with a prescription. We took her home, dropped off the prescription at her

local pharmacy and then went home. The neighbor was angry because we didn't stay

and fill the prescription and bring it back to her. It was just for more pain

pills that she already had at home. We were going to get them the next time we

saw her in a few days. Yeah, we're just horrible people.

Sorry to vent. I hate being jerked around and to be painted as a bad person.

>

> For example, my mother would say privately in the car, " Oh, there is that

ugly fat man. " Then, when we reached the drive up window say to the man,

" Well, there's that handsome man ready to take our order. "

>

> Every one's baby that she sees is the " Only and cutest baby on the block " to

their face. Every girl has a cute blouse or is so beautiful. Every one is so

organized, responsible and Gods gift to life. And she gushes and flatters them

all with exactly the same lies. Which, they all seem to believe or not see that

they are all hearing the same thing. People love and adore her and take in her

flattery and really seem to believe her. Even though, she is saying the

opposite behind their backs. On the phone it's " Oh, I just love you. Can't

wait to see you. You are the best...person. " Blah, blah, blah. And as soon as

she hangs up it's " Oh, I can't stand her. I hope she/he doesn't try to come

over. "

>

[Guest guest]

It's hard when you know how they really feel and act in private. After my Dad

died we had to go see her lawyer to get things straightened out. My Mom played

the helpless little old lady. Took in a cane, wobbled here and there all hunched

over. The lawyer snapped at me, " Help your mother! Take her arm! " I wanted to

spit. When my mom doesn't have an audience, she moves right along. Yesterday she

was bending over in the yard pulling weeds, bends over easily enough to clean up

after her dog. You get the idea.

She does the same thing around other people - acts so confused and helpless so

they'll feel sorry for her. And I look like the wicked child because I just

stand there. I don't care if a stranger gets that impression but when her

doctors and neighbors think I'm a neglectful *****, then I'm annoyed.

One neighbor even made the comment that we were doing " elder abuse. " You know

why? My mom had one of those fake dying attacks again and we spent hours in ER

with her. Of course we had to leave work and make arrangements to do all this so

she could lay there and laugh and talk with the hospital staff. They sent her

home with a prescription. We took her home, dropped off the prescription at her

local pharmacy and then went home. The neighbor was angry because we didn't stay

and fill the prescription and bring it back to her. It was just for more pain

pills that she already had at home. We were going to get them the next time we

saw her in a few days. Yeah, we're just horrible people.

Sorry to vent. I hate being jerked around and to be painted as a bad person.

>

> For example, my mother would say privately in the car, " Oh, there is that

ugly fat man. " Then, when we reached the drive up window say to the man,

" Well, there's that handsome man ready to take our order. "

>

> Every one's baby that she sees is the " Only and cutest baby on the block " to

their face. Every girl has a cute blouse or is so beautiful. Every one is so

organized, responsible and Gods gift to life. And she gushes and flatters them

all with exactly the same lies. Which, they all seem to believe or not see that

they are all hearing the same thing. People love and adore her and take in her

flattery and really seem to believe her. Even though, she is saying the

opposite behind their backs. On the phone it's " Oh, I just love you. Can't

wait to see you. You are the best...person. " Blah, blah, blah. And as soon as

she hangs up it's " Oh, I can't stand her. I hope she/he doesn't try to come

over. "

>

[Guest guest]

Ha ha ha! I remember how this seemed normal to me when I was a kid! Isn't it

ugly?

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Fri, June 18, 2010 8:50:56 PM

Subject: Why Can't People See the Phoniness

For example, my mother would say privately in the car, " Oh, there is that ugly

fat man. " Then, when we reached the drive up window say to the man, " Well,

there's that handsome man ready to take our order. "

Every one's baby that she sees is the " Only and cutest baby on the block " to

their face. Every girl has a cute blouse or is so beautiful. Every one is so

organized, responsible and Gods gift to life. And she gushes and flatters them

all with exactly the same lies. Which, they all seem to believe or not see that

they are all hearing the same thing. People love and adore her and take in her

flattery and really seem to believe her. Even though, she is saying the

opposite behind their backs. On the phone it's " Oh, I just love you. Can't

wait to see you. You are the best...person. " Blah, blah, blah. And as soon as

she hangs up it's " Oh, I can't stand her. I hope she/he doesn't try to come

over. "

[Guest guest]

Ahhhh this used to drive me crazy!! Now I just don't introduce nada to people so

I haven't had to deal with it that much. It was actually harmful with my ex bf

when she used to flatter him endlessly and in private say the worst things

possible about him. I hinted to him to not trust her (although at the time I

hadn't realized she was BPD), and he ended up thinking I was crazy and not

family-centric.

Have you guys had this problem- nada choosing to like the weirdest people? The

only friends of mine who nada likes are my model friends and she adores them

because they're " so beautiful " . Some of them are just acquaintances but nada

knows all of their names as opposed to the friends I've had for 15+ years who

she wouldn't even recognize. One of these girls and I used to fight like crazy

in college and even when I told nada the horrible things she did, nada would

blame them on me. Have you guys also had nada side with the most ridiculous

people for no reason?

>

> Ha ha ha! I remember how this seemed normal to me when I was a kid! Isn't it

ugly?

>

>

>

>

>

> ________________________________

>

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Sent: Fri, June 18, 2010 8:50:56 PM

> Subject: Why Can't People See the Phoniness

>

>

> For example, my mother would say privately in the car, " Oh, there is that

ugly fat man. " Then, when we reached the drive up window say to the man,

" Well, there's that handsome man ready to take our order. "

>

> Every one's baby that she sees is the " Only and cutest baby on the block " to

their face. Every girl has a cute blouse or is so beautiful. Every one is so

organized, responsible and Gods gift to life. And she gushes and flatters them

all with exactly the same lies. Which, they all seem to believe or not see that

they are all hearing the same thing. People love and adore her and take in her

flattery and really seem to believe her. Even though, she is saying the

opposite behind their backs. On the phone it's " Oh, I just love you. Can't

wait to see you. You are the best...person. " Blah, blah, blah. And as soon as

she hangs up it's " Oh, I can't stand her. I hope she/he doesn't try to come

over. "

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

ever since i was a very small child, my nada has always sided with the other

person in any and all conflicts i may have had. it was always, " what did YOU

do? " " how did YOU MAKE this happen? "

Deanna

> >

> > Ha ha ha! I remember how this seemed normal to me when I was a kid! Isn't

it ugly?

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > ________________________________

> > From: friend <friendsofcam@>

> > To: WTOAdultChildren1

> > Sent: Fri, June 18, 2010 8:50:56 PM

> > Subject: Why Can't People See the Phoniness

> >

> >

> > For example, my mother would say privately in the car, " Oh, there is that

ugly fat man. " Then, when we reached the drive up window say to the man,

" Well, there's that handsome man ready to take our order. "

> >

> > Every one's baby that she sees is the " Only and cutest baby on the block " to

their face. Every girl has a cute blouse or is so beautiful. Every one is so

organized, responsible and Gods gift to life. And she gushes and flatters them

all with exactly the same lies. Which, they all seem to believe or not see that

they are all hearing the same thing. People love and adore her and take in her

flattery and really seem to believe her. Even though, she is saying the

opposite behind their backs. On the phone it's " Oh, I just love you. Can't

wait to see you. You are the best...person. " Blah, blah, blah. And as soon as

she hangs up it's " Oh, I can't stand her. I hope she/he doesn't try to come

over. "

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

this is exactly how my nada was with me !!! no matter what happened, she'd

right away assume I was at fault...and I was NOT a trouble maker, there was

no reason for her to assume it was my fault !!

Jackie

ever since i was a very small child, my nada has always sided with the other

person in any and all conflicts i may have had. it was always, " what did

YOU do? " " how did YOU MAKE this happen? "

Deanna

[Guest guest]

Yup, me too. If the other people were really being stupid, she told me I should

be kind and compassionate because they might have lead poisoning from eating

paint chips. There must have been a LOT of lead-laced paint in our communities.

- So even if I was right, I was wrong, because it was unkind of me to assert and

defend my opinion.

>

> this is exactly how my nada was with me !!! no matter what happened, she'd

> right away assume I was at fault...and I was NOT a trouble maker, there was

> no reason for her to assume it was my fault !!

>

> Jackie

>

>

>

>

> ever since i was a very small child, my nada has always sided with the other

> person in any and all conflicts i may have had. it was always, " what did

> YOU do? " " how did YOU MAKE this happen? "

>

>

> Deanna

>

[Guest guest]

I am just so amazed that I'm not the only one who has a mother with the same

traits! My mother puts on such a front and everyone says how sweet she is but

those of us that are close to her know better! I guess I'm still learning about

BPD and realizing that no matter how different our mothers are, where they live,

how they live, age, etc etc etc, they are all acting the same way! I only

realized recently how phony my mother is. I just never put a name to it, I knew

she acted like that. And it's interesting to me how my ex-best friend was just

like her, phony, manipulative and controlling and I had to cut off contact with

her completely...

> >

> > For example, my mother would say privately in the car, " Oh, there is that

ugly fat man. " Then, when we reached the drive up window say to the man,

" Well, there's that handsome man ready to take our order. "

> >

> > Every one's baby that she sees is the " Only and cutest baby on the block " to

their face. Every girl has a cute blouse or is so beautiful. Every one is so

organized, responsible and Gods gift to life. And she gushes and flatters them

all with exactly the same lies. Which, they all seem to believe or not see that

they are all hearing the same thing. People love and adore her and take in her

flattery and really seem to believe her. Even though, she is saying the

opposite behind their backs. On the phone it's " Oh, I just love you. Can't

wait to see you. You are the best...person. " Blah, blah, blah. And as soon as

she hangs up it's " Oh, I can't stand her. I hope she/he doesn't try to come

over. "

> >

>

[Guest guest]

My mother did this with my father so bad. She played the victim better than

anyone I have ever known in my life. The whole whiney, " I'm so abused and

neglected " crap. ugh!!! I hated it. I used to tell her to STOP being the victim

because she was about eeeeeeeeeeeeverything.

Re: Why Can't People See the Phoniness

I am just so amazed that I'm not the only one who has a mother with the same

traits! My mother puts on such a front and everyone says how sweet she is but

those of us that are close to her know better! I guess I'm still learning about

BPD and realizing that no matter how different our mothers are, where they live,

how they live, age, etc etc etc, they are all acting the same way! I only

realized recently how phony my mother is. I just never put a name to it, I knew

she acted like that. And it's interesting to me how my ex-best friend was just

like her, phony, manipulative and controlling and I had to cut off contact with

her completely...

> >

> > For example, my mother would say privately in the car, " Oh, there is that

ugly fat man. " Then, when we reached the drive up window say to the man, " Well,

there's that handsome man ready to take our order. "

> >

> > Every one's baby that she sees is the " Only and cutest baby on the block " to

their face. Every girl has a cute blouse or is so beautiful. Every one is so

organized, responsible and Gods gift to life. And she gushes and flatters them

all with exactly the same lies. Which, they all seem to believe or not see that

they are all hearing the same thing. People love and adore her and take in her

flattery and really seem to believe her. Even though, she is saying the opposite

behind their backs. On the phone it's " Oh, I just love you. Can't wait to see

you. You are the best...person. " Blah, blah, blah. And as soon as she hangs up

it's " Oh, I can't stand her. I hope she/he doesn't try to come over. "

> >

>