Guest guest Posted June 18, 2010 Report Share Posted June 18, 2010 Not ever wanting me to lock a door and acting personally hurt if I closed a door - this applied to bathroom and bedroom doors. > > Hey gang > > Life has crashed in such that I havent been on in a while. > > One of the book chapters I m working on deals with nada s violating the personal bounderies of me and others. I ve been amazed to find out how many of the most notable violations, not all, of course, but far and away the majority, have to do with appropriate sexual bounderies. > > These range from inappropriate sharing of her details, inquiries about my own involvement with girls, sharing inappropriate details with my friends, being physically intimate in front of me, often with boys little older than my own age when I was a teenager, and her silver bullet to win all arguements and end all debate: Telling me details about my Dad s sexuality and infidelity. > > So I m wondering, in the context of anectdotal information to add to this chapter from other KO s besides myself: > > Have you guys experienced this lack of sexual bounderies and proper sense of modesty and decorum regarding sex? > > Have you experienced other violations of your bounderies that were not sexual but which were profound in your relationship with nada? > > Doug > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 18, 2010 Report Share Posted June 18, 2010 Ah yes. Bathroom and bedroom no physical boundary weirdness. My Nada's thing was: " Well, we all have the same parts, for heaven's sake! " Or, " I made you! " ...ew, thanks for reminding me. hehe. I got used to dressing behind the door. At least then when it swung open without my consent, I would have 2 seconds moment's notice to cover myself if I deemed necessary. Good Grief. Such strange bpd idiosyncrasies to put it lightly. Joy > > > > Hey gang > > > > Life has crashed in such that I havent been on in a while. > > > > One of the book chapters I m working on deals with nada s violating the personal bounderies of me and others. I ve been amazed to find out how many of the most notable violations, not all, of course, but far and away the majority, have to do with appropriate sexual bounderies. > > > > These range from inappropriate sharing of her details, inquiries about my own involvement with girls, sharing inappropriate details with my friends, being physically intimate in front of me, often with boys little older than my own age when I was a teenager, and her silver bullet to win all arguements and end all debate: Telling me details about my Dad s sexuality and infidelity. > > > > So I m wondering, in the context of anectdotal information to add to this chapter from other KO s besides myself: > > > > Have you guys experienced this lack of sexual bounderies and proper sense of modesty and decorum regarding sex? > > > > Have you experienced other violations of your bounderies that were not sexual but which were profound in your relationship with nada? > > > > Doug > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 18, 2010 Report Share Posted June 18, 2010 LOL, Joy I dressed behind the door too! I would half-shut the bedroom door, since it appeared half open it wouldn't alert her. Then I'd get the critical clothes items with me and change as fast as I could behind the door. At the time it all seemed perfectly normal... > > > > > > Hey gang > > > > > > Life has crashed in such that I havent been on in a while. > > > > > > One of the book chapters I m working on deals with nada s violating the personal bounderies of me and others. I ve been amazed to find out how many of the most notable violations, not all, of course, but far and away the majority, have to do with appropriate sexual bounderies. > > > > > > These range from inappropriate sharing of her details, inquiries about my own involvement with girls, sharing inappropriate details with my friends, being physically intimate in front of me, often with boys little older than my own age when I was a teenager, and her silver bullet to win all arguements and end all debate: Telling me details about my Dad s sexuality and infidelity. > > > > > > So I m wondering, in the context of anectdotal information to add to this chapter from other KO s besides myself: > > > > > > Have you guys experienced this lack of sexual bounderies and proper sense of modesty and decorum regarding sex? > > > > > > Have you experienced other violations of your bounderies that were not sexual but which were profound in your relationship with nada? > > > > > > Doug > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 18, 2010 Report Share Posted June 18, 2010 Geeesh...DITTO with the bathroom & bedroom weirdness! My nada would also go to the bathroom with the door wide open! She also paraded around the house naked (still does, I think), and thought nothing about having loud sex with my dad with their bedroom door wide open. ICK. ICK. ICK. I can't count how many times I had to remind her to close the door or put her close on when I had friends over! And to think all those years I thought that was normal...*sigh*! - > > > > > > Hey gang > > > > > > Life has crashed in such that I havent been on in a while. > > > > > > One of the book chapters I m working on deals with nada s violating the personal bounderies of me and others. I ve been amazed to find out how many of the most notable violations, not all, of course, but far and away the majority, have to do with appropriate sexual bounderies. > > > > > > These range from inappropriate sharing of her details, inquiries about my own involvement with girls, sharing inappropriate details with my friends, being physically intimate in front of me, often with boys little older than my own age when I was a teenager, and her silver bullet to win all arguements and end all debate: Telling me details about my Dad s sexuality and infidelity. > > > > > > So I m wondering, in the context of anectdotal information to add to this chapter from other KO s besides myself: > > > > > > Have you guys experienced this lack of sexual bounderies and proper sense of modesty and decorum regarding sex? > > > > > > Have you experienced other violations of your bounderies that were not sexual but which were profound in your relationship with nada? > > > > > > Doug > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 18, 2010 Report Share Posted June 18, 2010 Oh, my gosh! That is what I have hated about my mother above and beyond anything else she could have done. Her need to feel in control of me when I am trying to lock a door to protect my nakedness or for modesty sake. She acts as if it is some violation not to allow her to see me in a vulnerable position. I will not allow it any longer. It's distasteful, rude and a violation that is not acceptable to me anymore and I really yell at her if she even steps in that direction. She even had a habit of pulling my pants back and looking down to check for underwear. It's so demeaning to be treated like that beyond the age of diapers. > > > > Hey gang > > > > Life has crashed in such that I havent been on in a while. > > > > One of the book chapters I m working on deals with nada s violating the personal bounderies of me and others. I ve been amazed to find out how many of the most notable violations, not all, of course, but far and away the majority, have to do with appropriate sexual bounderies. > > > > These range from inappropriate sharing of her details, inquiries about my own involvement with girls, sharing inappropriate details with my friends, being physically intimate in front of me, often with boys little older than my own age when I was a teenager, and her silver bullet to win all arguements and end all debate: Telling me details about my Dad s sexuality and infidelity. > > > > So I m wondering, in the context of anectdotal information to add to this chapter from other KO s besides myself: > > > > Have you guys experienced this lack of sexual bounderies and proper sense of modesty and decorum regarding sex? > > > > Have you experienced other violations of your bounderies that were not sexual but which were profound in your relationship with nada? > > > > Doug > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 18, 2010 Report Share Posted June 18, 2010 My nada sexually molested me as a small child and these 'bathroom rituals' continued until I was old enough to get away from her. Bathroom and bedroom doors (even when I was 19) were NEVER to be locked or I would get the wrath of nada. At that point it was verbally abusive and deeming of course and not physical any longer because I could fight back. I wonder if my mother's husband (the man she ran around with and cheated on my father with - her boss) was BPD. He was, as I would discover years later as an adult, a pedaphile who had molested and raped my cousin when she was 5 years old and her oldest sister's child when she was 5. He went after me when I was 19 and still a virgin in the middle of the night (snuck into my bedroom which as I said he would not help me put a lock on the inside of it or allow me to hire someone to do it). I can still remember waking up to his hot breathe on my neck while he touched my hair saying in a hushed tone, " you are soooo lovely and I want you NOW " and then put his hand over my mouth. I was afraid he was going to rape me with my nada in the next room sound asleep. I bit his hand and said " If you don't get out of here NOW and leave me alone, I will scream for my mother and she will KNOW what you're doing in here " . He was in his underwear! Ewwwwwwwww!!!! He was abusive, controlling, manipulative and terrible to nada in spurts - sometimes loving - other times vile. He had all the BPD traits as did nada of course. Do BPD nada's and fada's find mates who are also BPD more often than not? Good thing I'm not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 18, 2010 Report Share Posted June 18, 2010 Ok wow! I never even realized until reading these post that this was an issue in our house. She would make me sit next to the tub and have long one sided conversations while she bathed and shaved, uck. She never allowed me to lock the doors because i had a seizure when I was six. I think now it was literally caused from stress. I don't have epilepsy or any other episodes, but now it makes sense. There was nudity around the house, she would walk in on my brother in the bathroom and say " close your eyes, i'm coming in " and that was the big joke. She talks about my fathers sex life, her brother's depraved sex life, which I dont' believe, and the like. She would have sex in the living room, very loudly, when we were teenagers with boyfriends, ect, ect. I never even thought about all this as being part of the Bpd, still a newbie myself. I always thought I was just overly modest because I am not that free around my home and kids. Guess not, Reading these posts here are really opening my eyes more everyday. Thanks for sharing. > > > > > > > > Hey gang > > > > > > > > Life has crashed in such that I havent been on in a while. > > > > > > > > One of the book chapters I m working on deals with nada s violating the personal bounderies of me and others. I ve been amazed to find out how many of the most notable violations, not all, of course, but far and away the majority, have to do with appropriate sexual bounderies. > > > > > > > > These range from inappropriate sharing of her details, inquiries about my own involvement with girls, sharing inappropriate details with my friends, being physically intimate in front of me, often with boys little older than my own age when I was a teenager, and her silver bullet to win all arguements and end all debate: Telling me details about my Dad s sexuality and infidelity. > > > > > > > > So I m wondering, in the context of anectdotal information to add to this chapter from other KO s besides myself: > > > > > > > > Have you guys experienced this lack of sexual bounderies and proper sense of modesty and decorum regarding sex? > > > > > > > > Have you experienced other violations of your bounderies that were not sexual but which were profound in your relationship with nada? > > > > > > > > Doug > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 18, 2010 Report Share Posted June 18, 2010 Oh another fond memory...when I was showering she felt free to come into the bathroom and use the toilet. After all we only had one bathroom and I was behind the curtain, why should I make a fuss? Another thing that I'd put out there that has the same feel to me is that she felt free to come into my bedroom while I was sleeping and just start talking to me. So I would wake up with her Right There sitting on my bed staring at me. I got a reputation for being *rude* in the morning because my first reaction was to tell her to go away and roll over. As an adult back when I used to stay over at her house on trips to see her, I began to insist on closing the bedroom door when I slept and her knocking and man did she not like that! > > > > > > > > > > Hey gang > > > > > > > > > > Life has crashed in such that I havent been on in a while. > > > > > > > > > > One of the book chapters I m working on deals with nada s violating the personal bounderies of me and others. I ve been amazed to find out how many of the most notable violations, not all, of course, but far and away the majority, have to do with appropriate sexual bounderies. > > > > > > > > > > These range from inappropriate sharing of her details, inquiries about my own involvement with girls, sharing inappropriate details with my friends, being physically intimate in front of me, often with boys little older than my own age when I was a teenager, and her silver bullet to win all arguements and end all debate: Telling me details about my Dad s sexuality and infidelity. > > > > > > > > > > So I m wondering, in the context of anectdotal information to add to this chapter from other KO s besides myself: > > > > > > > > > > Have you guys experienced this lack of sexual bounderies and proper sense of modesty and decorum regarding sex? > > > > > > > > > > Have you experienced other violations of your bounderies that were not sexual but which were profound in your relationship with nada? > > > > > > > > > > Doug > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 19, 2010 Report Share Posted June 19, 2010 Oh, man - my mother's line was, " What are you doing in there that you don't want me to see? " ANY time she came to my bedroom door or the bathroom and I had the door locked. A desire for privacy was automatically suspect and an indication that I was up to no good. > > > > > > Hey gang > > > > > > Life has crashed in such that I havent been on in a while. > > > > > > One of the book chapters I m working on deals with nada s violating the personal bounderies of me and others. I ve been amazed to find out how many of the most notable violations, not all, of course, but far and away the majority, have to do with appropriate sexual bounderies. > > > > > > These range from inappropriate sharing of her details, inquiries about my own involvement with girls, sharing inappropriate details with my friends, being physically intimate in front of me, often with boys little older than my own age when I was a teenager, and her silver bullet to win all arguements and end all debate: Telling me details about my Dad s sexuality and infidelity. > > > > > > So I m wondering, in the context of anectdotal information to add to this chapter from other KO s besides myself: > > > > > > Have you guys experienced this lack of sexual bounderies and proper sense of modesty and decorum regarding sex? > > > > > > Have you experienced other violations of your bounderies that were not sexual but which were profound in your relationship with nada? > > > > > > Doug > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 19, 2010 Report Share Posted June 19, 2010 my nada side this too...only once when I walkd in on her, youd think it was the end of the world and i was the rudest human on the face of the earth Jackie Ah yes. Bathroom and bedroom no physical boundary weirdness. My Nada's thing was: " Well, we all have the same parts, for heaven's sake! " Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 20, 2010 Report Share Posted June 20, 2010 My bpd mom with dementia was even trying to check the underwear of my dead uncle. Laugh out loud stupid! When we got home she announced to me that he didn't have his underwear on. I said, " Mom, he was cremated! " And " Don't check dead peoples underwear...it's rude! " It would be funnier if I weren't so darn sick of it! > > > > > > > > Hey gang > > > > > > > > Life has crashed in such that I havent been on in a while. > > > > > > > > One of the book chapters I m working on deals with nada s violating the personal bounderies of me and others. I ve been amazed to find out how many of the most notable violations, not all, of course, but far and away the majority, have to do with appropriate sexual bounderies. > > > > > > > > These range from inappropriate sharing of her details, inquiries about my own involvement with girls, sharing inappropriate details with my friends, being physically intimate in front of me, often with boys little older than my own age when I was a teenager, and her silver bullet to win all arguements and end all debate: Telling me details about my Dad s sexuality and infidelity. > > > > > > > > So I m wondering, in the context of anectdotal information to add to this chapter from other KO s besides myself: > > > > > > > > Have you guys experienced this lack of sexual bounderies and proper sense of modesty and decorum regarding sex? > > > > > > > > Have you experienced other violations of your bounderies that were not sexual but which were profound in your relationship with nada? > > > > > > > > Doug > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 21, 2010 Report Share Posted June 21, 2010 I've seen that Steve movie, " Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid " - but I had no idea they don't wear underpants, either. I guess it makes sense, although it violates that major Mom Rule- always wear clean underwear in case you're in a wreck and have to go to the hospital. I have this image of your mom digging down around your uncle's waistband there in the funeral home. Did anybody catch her? > > > > > > > > > > Hey gang > > > > > > > > > > Life has crashed in such that I havent been on in a while. > > > > > > > > > > One of the book chapters I m working on deals with nada s violating the personal bounderies of me and others. I ve been amazed to find out how many of the most notable violations, not all, of course, but far and away the majority, have to do with appropriate sexual bounderies. > > > > > > > > > > These range from inappropriate sharing of her details, inquiries about my own involvement with girls, sharing inappropriate details with my friends, being physically intimate in front of me, often with boys little older than my own age when I was a teenager, and her silver bullet to win all arguements and end all debate: Telling me details about my Dad s sexuality and infidelity. > > > > > > > > > > So I m wondering, in the context of anectdotal information to add to this chapter from other KO s besides myself: > > > > > > > > > > Have you guys experienced this lack of sexual bounderies and proper sense of modesty and decorum regarding sex? > > > > > > > > > > Have you experienced other violations of your bounderies that were not sexual but which were profound in your relationship with nada? > > > > > > > > > > Doug > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 21, 2010 Report Share Posted June 21, 2010 , Hahaha, thanks for the laugh. She didn't get caught. She wanted to check. But, he'd already been cremated. > > > > > > > > > > > > Hey gang > > > > > > > > > > > > Life has crashed in such that I havent been on in a while. > > > > > > > > > > > > One of the book chapters I m working on deals with nada s violating the personal bounderies of me and others. I ve been amazed to find out how many of the most notable violations, not all, of course, but far and away the majority, have to do with appropriate sexual bounderies. > > > > > > > > > > > > These range from inappropriate sharing of her details, inquiries about my own involvement with girls, sharing inappropriate details with my friends, being physically intimate in front of me, often with boys little older than my own age when I was a teenager, and her silver bullet to win all arguements and end all debate: Telling me details about my Dad s sexuality and infidelity. > > > > > > > > > > > > So I m wondering, in the context of anectdotal information to add to this chapter from other KO s besides myself: > > > > > > > > > > > > Have you guys experienced this lack of sexual bounderies and proper sense of modesty and decorum regarding sex? > > > > > > > > > > > > Have you experienced other violations of your bounderies that were not sexual but which were profound in your relationship with nada? > > > > > > > > > > > > Doug > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 21, 2010 Report Share Posted June 21, 2010 I guess if you're dead, you dont have to worry about having a wreck or going to the hospital... Jackie I've seen that Steve movie, " Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid " - but I had no idea they don't wear underpants, either. I guess it makes sense, although it violates that major Mom Rule- always wear clean underwear in case you're in a wreck and have to go to the hospital. I have this image of your mom digging down around your uncle's waistband there in the funeral home. Did anybody catch her? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 21, 2010 Report Share Posted June 21, 2010 I'm new to this group and joined a few days ago after " celebrating " the one-year anniversary of LC/NC with my BPD mother. It's been a tough week... Anyway, my mother has been obsessed with sex as long as I can remember, but her obsession was n-like: she constantly talked about how bad the physical act of sex is and how I should stay away from men, but would go into crass detail about her ex-husband's infidelities (he was not my father) and about the sexual lives of other family members and friends. She also repeatedly violated my own desperate need for privacy by fishing out and reading my diaries, notebooks and friends' cards as well as refusing to let me close or lock my bedroom doors. When I was a teenager she would also listen in on my phone conversations with friends and once physically attacked me during such a conversation because she thought I was talking about her behind her back. As a result of these behaviors, I grew up afraid of men and sex, yet was incredibly curious with no one I trusted to help answer my questions. It wasn't until I moved out of my house and away from my mother that I finally learned I wasn't " evil " for having sexual urges or wanting a modicum of privacy. Anastasia > > > Hey gang > > Life has crashed in such that I havent been on in a while. > > One of the book chapters I m working on deals with nada s violating the > personal bounderies of me and others. I ve been amazed to find out how many > of the most notable violations, not all, of course, but far and away the > majority, have to do with appropriate sexual bounderies. > > These range from inappropriate sharing of her details, inquiries about my > own involvement with girls, sharing inappropriate details with my friends, > being physically intimate in front of me, often with boys little older than > my own age when I was a teenager, and her silver bullet to win all > arguements and end all debate: Telling me details about my Dad s sexuality > and infidelity. > > So I m wondering, in the context of anectdotal information to add to this > chapter from other KO s besides myself: > > Have you guys experienced this lack of sexual bounderies and proper sense > of modesty and decorum regarding sex? > > Have you experienced other violations of your bounderies that were not > sexual but which were profound in your relationship with nada? > > Doug > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.