My Nada Being Absurd - Dementia or Just More BPD?

[Guest guest]

I called nada yesterday because she had sent me money and since I moved I wanted

to thank her and reassure her I did get the money as she is paranoid that the

postman will 'steal it' or someone who works there before it gets to me. The

fact that it's a CHECK made out to ME is besides the point. She totally ignored

my thanks etc and went right into blaming me because the man I had gotten for

her to put her one gutter pipe back in (the best friend of my friend in New

Jersey's brother who I never met) called to say when he was coming over and

never came. " I waited THREE WEEKS for that s.o.b. friend of YOURS and YOU

caused me chest pains, sleepless nights, trouble catching my breathe and it

almost KILLED me! " First of all I wanted to tell her I have no control over

what that man does or doesn't do. I was in the middle of moving and had a lot

of my own concerns - not that that matters at ALL to nada and I am several

states away to begin with. Even if I did live in NJ I have no control over what

that man does or doesn't do. Also she hired a contractor to do the work and a

LOT more to the tune of over $8,000 and complained because the man was charging

$1,700 more than he had originally said (no written estimate)and I said, " Gee,

Mom, that's a lot more money. I'm sorry to hear that " - she replied with " YOU

act like it's YOUR money! Not yet it isn't and I can damn well do as I please.

The house was never fixed up by Eddie and I am left with this mess. I can't get

out of the house now either because the bastards are taking a LONG weekend and

not coming back to finish the work 'til WEDNESDAY! I can't get out of my

house! " First of all she is 89 and she can hardly walk anyway. She doesn't

drive anymore thank God (she gave that up herself a long while ago now) and her

neighbors do all the errand running for her out of the kindness of their hearts

so she doesn't need to go out. She added that they did a 'great job on the

front' (new sidewalk - gutter pipe replaced) - sidewalk around the side isn't

quite finished yet but they had to dig to re-morter and put new bricks on the

side of her house that were crumbling, put in the new sidewalk, put in new

stairs going up the back yard as they were crumbling and so a lot of digging was

necessary making a hole by her side door. She could get out the front (down

the steps there) if she really needed to but I don't think stairs and my nada

are a good 'match' anymore.

I talked to her neighbor Kathy who helps her the most and she said that the boss

of the construction job who spoke to her had asked if nada was a foreigner

because she couldn't understand him when he spoke. Kathy said no, she just

can't hear so scream at her. (Nada will not get her hearing aids fixed or new

ones). Nada told me they were driving her nuts having to use HER bathroom and

asking her a few times a day for a glass of water. There are four men doing the

job from what I understand and what did she expect! Kathy said they were taking

a 'long Memorial Day weekend' and were hoping to finish the job Wednesday. Nada

ranted and ranted about how long it was taking and how they were disrupting her

life etc. How DARE they leave the job undone she said. Per usual nothing and

no one suits. I wouldn't want to work for nada for sure no matter how much

money she was paying me.

So is it the BPD, dementia or both? She is talking a bit nuts expecting all

this tremendous work be done on HER time schedule.

I do have one friend up here left who believes I am being a 'bad daughter'

because I am not down there taking care of nada myself and supervising the

construction guys myself. She has no idea what she is asking of me first of all

but even if she did, she thinks it is my 'duty'. Nada is a witch; the Queen and

sometimes the waif when it suits her but there is no WAY I could live with her

and accept all the verbal abuse, battering and control nada tries to dish out

still nor would I want to. Forget the fact that nada told me a long while ago

now that she demanded I come down there to take care of her but only one of my

cats was welcome so the other had to be 'put away' and personally and not only

that but the house rules were to be I was not to associate with anyone except my

one friend left down there Pip; I was not to date; I was to disable the internet

because it was evil; I was to be her slave (her words) 24-7; that she would

'whip me into shape' and put me on the scale 3 times a day and if I gained one

OUNCE, she would make sure I didn't eat the next meal and 'teach me how to be

just like her'. I am 59 years old and not a child to begin with. There is no

way I could live with nada nor would I want to. I limit contact with my friend

who thinks I am being a bad daughter for not moving down there because I just

don't want to argue about it and whose life is this anyway.

Sorry for the ranting but none of my friends seem to understand what I go

through with this witch nada of mine. Limiting communication with nada to two

to three times a week seems to be working to an extent but sometimes I just want

to tell her off and be done with it. I bite my tongue and I'm sick of it.

So do you think it's dementia or just more BPD with her or both?