NC Nada keeps sending my daughter gifts/cards--What do I do with them?

June 8, 2010

It's been a while since I posted but I need some help. I've been NC for the

past seventeen months---the most pleasant, stress free, seventeen months of my

life (even with the NC guilt). Prior to going NC, my daughter (now 5) and Nada

bonded. Nada likes toddlers--once children can voice an opinion she has no use

for them. My daughter still asks about Nada and says she misses her. Since

going NC, Nada has continued to occasionally stalk my home and drop by with

gifts and cards for my daughter. (She waits until we are home to do

it--apparently she has never heard of the Postal Service). I don't let Nada see

my daughter and I have kept the gifts and cards from her.

Nada's motivations are twisted and aimed at getting to me. Without going into a

whole list of why, I am certain from the depts of my being that her gifts are

not purely " grandmotherly love. "

Here's what I need to know: how do I handle this with my daughter to keep her

from being hurt? I am afraid that she will grow up and say, " How could you have

kept this from me? I wanted to know my grandmother and she tried to contact me

and you didn't even tell me? " Is there any way to avoid this?

I feel like 5 is too young to tell her anything other than " We don't see Grandma

right now because even though she loves us and we love her she has some grown up

stuff to deal with. "

If I let my daughter have the gifts and cards, I am afraid that she will feel

even closer to Nada, who will ultimately hurt her. I'm also afraid that Nada

will intentionally hurt her to get to me. Nada has said that I won't understand

what her pain is like (me being NC) until I " lose " my daughter. I have to take

these kind of things seriously because, frankly, Nada is a nut. My sister

doesn't have children but she actually threatened to do horrible things to her

dog in an effort to " get to " my sister.

Any suggestions?

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