Guest guest Posted June 16, 2010 Report Share Posted June 16, 2010 A fellow ghost here...yep, a deep feeling of invisibility is something I still work to heal. Withholding can be powerful - it can be refusing to see the needs of a child, refusing to acknowledge sickness or problems, or simply not noticing, not hearing, not really responding. > > I am seeing for the first time in my life how much of what my mother does is not 'active' abuse, but withholding. I would like to hear some other people's perspective on this, the ways in which their bpd mothers withhold from them or did in the past. One thing I have noticed is if my mother is not pleased in some way with me (usually because I have failed to caretake her emotions in some way or be her lay therapist) she withholds eye contact, she won't look at me directly by keeping her head turned away, she will not respond to me when I am speaking to her. I have noticed that other times when someone else (say, my SIL) asks her a question her tone of voice and responsiveness is very different. She will answer questions I ask but in a very annoyed and indignant tone of voice, when there was nothing wrong with my simple inquiry. Most of the time I feel that she just does not like me. And she is not that way all the time, just with me, mostly. I think I am both parents' least favorite child. > > Does anyone else have a mother that withholds as least as much as she is actively engaging in abuse? This is a weird category for me, because the result of being ignored by her when I stepped out of line the least little bit (sometimes without even being able to figure out what I had done) and being ignored and worse by my dad I feel like a ghost. I feel invisible and like people can't see me or hear me. For instance I remember my first twelve step meeting and everyone went around the room and said " I'm so and so " and people said " hi so and so " and I knew when they got to me and I introduced myself no one would answer back. I still remember the jolt I got when I said my name and everyone in the room said " hi " or " welcome " . It was such a relief to not be invisible. I also think that I am so convinced people are ignoring me when they are not that I overreact and go 'over-the-top' sometimes in my reactions, because I am so convinced no one is paying attention. I have to really work to keep my reactions appropriate sometimes. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 17, 2010 Report Share Posted June 17, 2010 I think you've hit the nail on the head here. I think nadas all withhold to some extent and I think that's one of the reasons they do so much harm without people outside the immediate family noticing. Active abuse is so much easier for others to see than abuse that involves inaction. They often withhold the normal emotions of a loving mother because their feelings are so twisted that they don't know how to show normal emotions to their children. I don't think their brains are wired in a way that allows them to love, let alone show love. They commonly withhold praise for things that are done well and instead of showing joy for events in their children's lives they show jealousy. They act like some children aren't there, or like everything they do is wrong. Even when they choose a golden child, the emotions they show generally aren't the ones children actually need. This type of abuse is subtle, but when it is continued for years, it does a huge amount of damage. What is even worse is that when you try to explain it to other people, it often sounds like you're complaining about nothing. They also do things like withhold appropriate responsibility and freedom from their children. When we grow up, they want to withhold acceptance of the fact that we're adults who are separate people. At 08:15 PM 06/16/2010 josephinebl67 wrote: >I am seeing for the first time in my life how much of what my >mother does is not 'active' abuse, but withholding. I would >like to hear some other people's perspective on this, the ways >in which their bpd mothers withhold from them or did in the >past. One thing I have noticed is if my mother is not pleased >in some way with me (usually because I have failed to caretake >her emotions in some way or be her lay therapist) she withholds >eye contact, she won't look at me directly by keeping her head >turned away, she will not respond to me when I am speaking to >her. I have noticed that other times when someone else (say, my >SIL) asks her a question her tone of voice and responsiveness >is very different. She will answer questions I ask but in a >very annoyed and indignant tone of voice, when there was >nothing wrong with my simple inquiry. Most of the time I feel >that she just does not like me. And she is not that way all the >time, just with me, mostly. I think I am both parents' least >favorite child. > >Does anyone else have a mother that withholds as least as much >as she is actively engaging in abuse? This is a weird category >for me, because the result of being ignored by her when I >stepped out of line the least little bit (sometimes without >even being able to figure out what I had done) and being >ignored and worse by my dad I feel like a ghost. I feel >invisible and like people can't see me or hear me. For instance >I remember my first twelve step meeting and everyone went >around the room and said " I'm so and so " and people said " hi so >and so " and I knew when they got to me and I introduced myself >no one would answer back. I still remember the jolt I got when >I said my name and everyone in the room said " hi " or " welcome " . >It was such a relief to not be invisible. I also think that I >am so convinced people are ignoring me when they are not that I >overreact and go 'over-the-top' sometimes in my reactions, >because I am so convinced no one is paying attention. I have to >really work to keep my reactions appropriate sometimes. -- Katrina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 17, 2010 Report Share Posted June 17, 2010 Hi guys! IMO, witholding IS abuse. Children need mirroring, they need encouragement and love. Without it, babies can even die. So witholding this from a child is a great cruelty and abuse. Again, IMO. As a young teenager, I had periods as long as TWO MONTHS where nada refused to speak or look at me, to punish me. Oh, those cold, horrible times. It was an emotional concentration camp. Witholding also came in a public form. One of the reasons I am struggling so with conversations is that when I was a kid I was forced to remain silent and invisible. My parents often visited the few relatives (who would have anything to do with us,) mostly elderly people, and we kids would have to sit silently without fidgeting, no toys, nothing, while the adults " visited " for several hours. If the relative asked me a question, my narcissistic father would immediately scorn me, accuse me of lying, and embarrass me in from of the relative. If I said the sky was blue he would argue for purple. Anytime I opened my mouth, I was greeted with sarcasm, doubt and scorn, while love, acceptance and encouragement were witheld. Yes, I've got fleas because of it. So I started watching myself, and I know I'm not as relaxed and natural as I should be with others. In the last week, I've made a " project " out of watching faces a lot more closely, really listening to what is said, even from a store clerk selling me a pack of gum, and sending back an appropriate facial as well as verbal response, body lamguage too. I have been rewarded with a lot more smiles, fun little moments where people will give me a facial expression that " says it all, " in a brief second. This relieves my lonliness, and it's something I was never aware of before joining this group. In short, because I was " witheld from " as a child, I learned to withold from others. Now, in my newfound way of acting, I am careful not to " overdo " or make a kabouki theatre out of this, but I realize I don't need to be as " witheld " as I am, and can loosen up. I've heard it called " being real. " I'm trying to be real. Reporting from the field, AwayFromBorderland > > I am seeing for the first time in my life how much of what my mother does is not 'active' abuse, but withholding. I would like to hear some other people's perspective on this, the ways in which their bpd mothers withhold from them or did in the past. One thing I have noticed is if my mother is not pleased in some way with me (usually because I have failed to caretake her emotions in some way or be her lay therapist) she withholds eye contact, she won't look at me directly by keeping her head turned away, she will not respond to me when I am speaking to her. I have noticed that other times when someone else (say, my SIL) asks her a question her tone of voice and responsiveness is very different. She will answer questions I ask but in a very annoyed and indignant tone of voice, when there was nothing wrong with my simple inquiry. Most of the time I feel that she just does not like me. And she is not that way all the time, just with me, mostly. I think I am both parents' least favorite child. > > Does anyone else have a mother that withholds as least as much as she is actively engaging in abuse? This is a weird category for me, because the result of being ignored by her when I stepped out of line the least little bit (sometimes without even being able to figure out what I had done) and being ignored and worse by my dad I feel like a ghost. I feel invisible and like people can't see me or hear me. For instance I remember my first twelve step meeting and everyone went around the room and said " I'm so and so " and people said " hi so and so " and I knew when they got to me and I introduced myself no one would answer back. I still remember the jolt I got when I said my name and everyone in the room said " hi " or " welcome " . It was such a relief to not be invisible. I also think that I am so convinced people are ignoring me when they are not that I overreact and go 'over-the-top' sometimes in my reactions, because I am so convinced no one is paying attention. I have to really work to keep my reactions appropriate sometimes. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 17, 2010 Report Share Posted June 17, 2010 Withholding is one of my Nada's favorite methods of " punishment " . In fact, it's the direct reason why we've been completely NC for the past several years. I finally took a stand and enforced a boundary with her, and she was so furious she refused to speak to me anymore. (Even before we were NC, she used to love to hang up on me if we were on the phone, in order to get the last word in. So childish.) When I was around middle-school age (early teens), I would get physically sick each afternoon about an hour before she was due home from work. I never knew from day to day what kind of mood she'd be in, over what real (or imaginary) offense I may have been guilty of, and my punishment was her refusal to speak to me or acknowledge me for a few days. As soon as I left for college, her and my grand-nada began to systematically erase my childhood. They threw out high school memorabilia, collections I had for years, claiming I " didn't need them anymore " . When I became a married adult, she'd frequently demonstrate her anger with me by taking framed pictures of me off the wall and sticking them in a closet or drawer. She did everything possible to take me away from my extended family as a child, moving across the country to avoid seeing them, then blew her stack when I resumed contact with them as an adult. Basically, I either could remain in a relationship with her, to the exclusion of all other relationships, supporting her skewed version of reality...or I could decide to live and embrace truth, knowing the result would be complete NC. I sometimes find I have to contact these long-distance relatives in order to re-affirm that I did indeed " exist " as a child. > >I am seeing for the first time in my life how much of what my > >mother does is not 'active' abuse, but withholding. I would > >like to hear some other people's perspective on this, the ways > >in which their bpd mothers withhold from them or did in the > >past. One thing I have noticed is if my mother is not pleased > >in some way with me (usually because I have failed to caretake > >her emotions in some way or be her lay therapist) she withholds > >eye contact, she won't look at me directly by keeping her head > >turned away, she will not respond to me when I am speaking to > >her. I have noticed that other times when someone else (say, my > >SIL) asks her a question her tone of voice and responsiveness > >is very different. She will answer questions I ask but in a > >very annoyed and indignant tone of voice, when there was > >nothing wrong with my simple inquiry. Most of the time I feel > >that she just does not like me. And she is not that way all the > >time, just with me, mostly. I think I am both parents' least > >favorite child. > > > >Does anyone else have a mother that withholds as least as much > >as she is actively engaging in abuse? This is a weird category > >for me, because the result of being ignored by her when I > >stepped out of line the least little bit (sometimes without > >even being able to figure out what I had done) and being > >ignored and worse by my dad I feel like a ghost. I feel > >invisible and like people can't see me or hear me. For instance > >I remember my first twelve step meeting and everyone went > >around the room and said " I'm so and so " and people said " hi so > >and so " and I knew when they got to me and I introduced myself > >no one would answer back. I still remember the jolt I got when > >I said my name and everyone in the room said " hi " or " welcome " . > >It was such a relief to not be invisible. I also think that I > >am so convinced people are ignoring me when they are not that I > >overreact and go 'over-the-top' sometimes in my reactions, > >because I am so convinced no one is paying attention. I have to > >really work to keep my reactions appropriate sometimes. > > -- > Katrina > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 17, 2010 Report Share Posted June 17, 2010 Really good points. Withholding was and still is a really big thing that she does. She refuses to care when I'm tired, want to be alone, need anything that is un-related to what she is wanting. Yet, all while acting so concerned. Makes me want to puke. > > > > I am seeing for the first time in my life how much of what my mother does is not 'active' abuse, but withholding. I would like to hear some other people's perspective on this, the ways in which their bpd mothers withhold from them or did in the past. One thing I have noticed is if my mother is not pleased in some way with me (usually because I have failed to caretake her emotions in some way or be her lay therapist) she withholds eye contact, she won't look at me directly by keeping her head turned away, she will not respond to me when I am speaking to her. I have noticed that other times when someone else (say, my SIL) asks her a question her tone of voice and responsiveness is very different. She will answer questions I ask but in a very annoyed and indignant tone of voice, when there was nothing wrong with my simple inquiry. Most of the time I feel that she just does not like me. And she is not that way all the time, just with me, mostly. I think I am both parents' least favorite child. > > > > Does anyone else have a mother that withholds as least as much as she is actively engaging in abuse? This is a weird category for me, because the result of being ignored by her when I stepped out of line the least little bit (sometimes without even being able to figure out what I had done) and being ignored and worse by my dad I feel like a ghost. I feel invisible and like people can't see me or hear me. For instance I remember my first twelve step meeting and everyone went around the room and said " I'm so and so " and people said " hi so and so " and I knew when they got to me and I introduced myself no one would answer back. I still remember the jolt I got when I said my name and everyone in the room said " hi " or " welcome " . It was such a relief to not be invisible. I also think that I am so convinced people are ignoring me when they are not that I overreact and go 'over-the-top' sometimes in my reactions, because I am so convinced no one is paying attention. I have to really work to keep my reactions appropriate sometimes. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 17, 2010 Report Share Posted June 17, 2010 The behaviors you describe, how your mother treated you / treats you, might be due to her bpd " black and white " thinking. Perhaps she has painted you as " all bad " . The reason I speculate this is that the withholding, unresponsive, cold-shoulder, no-eye contact behaviors are how my nada treats me when I am " painted black. " For whatever reason, my nada can't or won't discuss the issue (whatever it is) she's having with me in a calm, rational, adult way so we can resolve it. Instead, she either triggers into an explosive rage-tantrum, or she goes into " waif " mode and cries, or she sulks and gives me the silent treatment. When I was younger her rages terrified me, but her withdrawing and withholding communication and affection would make me crazed with guilt and anxiety and I'd try to placate her and get her to speak to me again. I agree that both raging tantrums (active,obvious emotional and physical abuse) and withdrawing/sulking/withholding (passive, covert abuse) are extremely immature behaviors and can inflict an enormous amount of long-term emotional damage when directed at small children, or even older kids, teens and young adults. With my mother, I think these behaviors can also be manipulative tactics used in a deliberate way, not unconscious, un-planned reactions. I don't know how much of my bpd/npd mom's raging or sulking is deliberate, or how much is just automatic and not planned. I probably never will know. -Annie > > I am seeing for the first time in my life how much of what my mother does is not 'active' abuse, but withholding. I would like to hear some other people's perspective on this, the ways in which their bpd mothers withhold from them or did in the past. One thing I have noticed is if my mother is not pleased in some way with me (usually because I have failed to caretake her emotions in some way or be her lay therapist) she withholds eye contact, she won't look at me directly by keeping her head turned away, she will not respond to me when I am speaking to her. I have noticed that other times when someone else (say, my SIL) asks her a question her tone of voice and responsiveness is very different. She will answer questions I ask but in a very annoyed and indignant tone of voice, when there was nothing wrong with my simple inquiry. Most of the time I feel that she just does not like me. And she is not that way all the time, just with me, mostly. I think I am both parents' least favorite child. > > Does anyone else have a mother that withholds as least as much as she is actively engaging in abuse? This is a weird category for me, because the result of being ignored by her when I stepped out of line the least little bit (sometimes without even being able to figure out what I had done) and being ignored and worse by my dad I feel like a ghost. I feel invisible and like people can't see me or hear me. For instance I remember my first twelve step meeting and everyone went around the room and said " I'm so and so " and people said " hi so and so " and I knew when they got to me and I introduced myself no one would answer back. I still remember the jolt I got when I said my name and everyone in the room said " hi " or " welcome " . It was such a relief to not be invisible. I also think that I am so convinced people are ignoring me when they are not that I overreact and go 'over-the-top' sometimes in my reactions, because I am so convinced no one is paying attention. I have to really work to keep my reactions appropriate sometimes. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 17, 2010 Report Share Posted June 17, 2010 I know my nadas behaviors are manipulative and deliberate as she does them to one person only ( me, my father or one of my siblings) and yet is extra nice/friendly to the rest of the pack, especially while in the presence of the " black " person...for instance... we were all at the parents house a few years back...I " stole " her attention from others because I had to wear a leg brace in an attempt to make my bowed leg less bowed ( it was bowing due to my knees breaking down) I hated that thing and it didn't help, but while I wore it...the relatives all were asking me what was wrong...and nada was left in the cold...so night time cones along, and she is saying good night to everyone, and hugging them...until she got to me...she looked me right in the eye, never said a word, and went right past me, not giving me a hug...the started with the hugs and good nights on the other side of me....that was a deliberate slight to me on her part...she MEANT to hurt me!! Jackie The behaviors you describe, how your mother treated you / treats you, might be due to her bpd " black and white " thinking. Perhaps she has painted you as " all bad " . The reason I speculate this is that the withholding, unresponsive, cold-shoulder, no-eye contact behaviors are how my nada treats me when I am " painted black. " For whatever reason, my nada can't or won't discuss the issue (whatever it is) she's having with me in a calm, rational, adult way so we can resolve it. Instead, she either triggers into an explosive rage-tantrum, or she goes into " waif " mode and cries, or she sulks and gives me the silent treatment. When I was younger her rages terrified me, but her withdrawing and withholding communication and affection would make me crazed with guilt and anxiety and I'd try to placate her and get her to speak to me again. I agree that both raging tantrums (active,obvious emotional and physical abuse) and withdrawing/sulking/withholding (passive, covert abuse) are extremely immature behaviors and can inflict an enormous amount of long-term emotional damage when directed at small children, or even older kids, teens and young adults. With my mother, I think these behaviors can also be manipulative tactics used in a deliberate way, not unconscious, un-planned reactions. I don't know how much of my bpd/npd mom's raging or sulking is deliberate, or how much is just automatic and not planned. I probably never will know. -Annie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 18, 2010 Report Share Posted June 18, 2010 I so totally relate to the comment about your childhood being erased. When I accepted her offer to kick me out (for the fifth time), stepnada took all of my years of diaries and trashed them. She gave my clothes to goodwill. She gave away my furniture. Everything that was there she either gave away or threw away. And she told me this in a tone of voice that implied everyone does this when their kid leaves home. Whatever I took with me that day was all I have now from my childhood. My husband has all sorts of things -- boxes with shells glued to them, stuffed Garfields, legos, -- and sometimes, to be honest, I'm so jealous of this stuff that I just feel ashamed. Like, I wish that cheesy crap were mine. A couple of years ago, during one of the so-called holidays, we went down a hallway where a picture of me and a picture of my stepbrother have always hung on walls across from each other. Mine was covered over with a calendar. Subtle, subtle, subtle. Tina > > >I am seeing for the first time in my life how much of what my > > >mother does is not 'active' abuse, but withholding. I would > > >like to hear some other people's perspective on this, the ways > > >in which their bpd mothers withhold from them or did in the > > >past. One thing I have noticed is if my mother is not pleased > > >in some way with me (usually because I have failed to caretake > > >her emotions in some way or be her lay therapist) she withholds > > >eye contact, she won't look at me directly by keeping her head > > >turned away, she will not respond to me when I am speaking to > > >her. I have noticed that other times when someone else (say, my > > >SIL) asks her a question her tone of voice and responsiveness > > >is very different. She will answer questions I ask but in a > > >very annoyed and indignant tone of voice, when there was > > >nothing wrong with my simple inquiry. Most of the time I feel > > >that she just does not like me. And she is not that way all the > > >time, just with me, mostly. I think I am both parents' least > > >favorite child. > > > > > >Does anyone else have a mother that withholds as least as much > > >as she is actively engaging in abuse? This is a weird category > > >for me, because the result of being ignored by her when I > > >stepped out of line the least little bit (sometimes without > > >even being able to figure out what I had done) and being > > >ignored and worse by my dad I feel like a ghost. I feel > > >invisible and like people can't see me or hear me. For instance > > >I remember my first twelve step meeting and everyone went > > >around the room and said " I'm so and so " and people said " hi so > > >and so " and I knew when they got to me and I introduced myself > > >no one would answer back. I still remember the jolt I got when > > >I said my name and everyone in the room said " hi " or " welcome " . > > >It was such a relief to not be invisible. I also think that I > > >am so convinced people are ignoring me when they are not that I > > >overreact and go 'over-the-top' sometimes in my reactions, > > >because I am so convinced no one is paying attention. I have to > > >really work to keep my reactions appropriate sometimes. > > > > -- > > Katrina > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 18, 2010 Report Share Posted June 18, 2010 My mother had an way of snooping out the things that meant the absolute most to someone and disposing of them. What is that about anyways. > > > >I am seeing for the first time in my life how much of what my > > > >mother does is not 'active' abuse, but withholding. I would > > > >like to hear some other people's perspective on this, the ways > > > >in which their bpd mothers withhold from them or did in the > > > >past. One thing I have noticed is if my mother is not pleased > > > >in some way with me (usually because I have failed to caretake > > > >her emotions in some way or be her lay therapist) she withholds > > > >eye contact, she won't look at me directly by keeping her head > > > >turned away, she will not respond to me when I am speaking to > > > >her. I have noticed that other times when someone else (say, my > > > >SIL) asks her a question her tone of voice and responsiveness > > > >is very different. She will answer questions I ask but in a > > > >very annoyed and indignant tone of voice, when there was > > > >nothing wrong with my simple inquiry. Most of the time I feel > > > >that she just does not like me. And she is not that way all the > > > >time, just with me, mostly. I think I am both parents' least > > > >favorite child. > > > > > > > >Does anyone else have a mother that withholds as least as much > > > >as she is actively engaging in abuse? This is a weird category > > > >for me, because the result of being ignored by her when I > > > >stepped out of line the least little bit (sometimes without > > > >even being able to figure out what I had done) and being > > > >ignored and worse by my dad I feel like a ghost. I feel > > > >invisible and like people can't see me or hear me. For instance > > > >I remember my first twelve step meeting and everyone went > > > >around the room and said " I'm so and so " and people said " hi so > > > >and so " and I knew when they got to me and I introduced myself > > > >no one would answer back. I still remember the jolt I got when > > > >I said my name and everyone in the room said " hi " or " welcome " . > > > >It was such a relief to not be invisible. I also think that I > > > >am so convinced people are ignoring me when they are not that I > > > >overreact and go 'over-the-top' sometimes in my reactions, > > > >because I am so convinced no one is paying attention. I have to > > > >really work to keep my reactions appropriate sometimes. > > > > > > -- > > > Katrina > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 19, 2010 Report Share Posted June 19, 2010 i think this withholding behavior by nada can be just as destructive and crazy-making and terrorizing as the active abuse sometimes.  i know after she would be enraged and physically abuse me when i was a small child she would then turn her back on me and i would be left with nothing but my own unresolved feelings of rage and terror to have to deal with all by myself.. something that i found even more difficult to do than endure her active abuse because at least then she was present and engaged with me, tho in a destructive way.. to have emptiness and no way of dealing with the aftermath by myself seemed even more hard to handle i have found.  i have since learned as an adult to turn to others for help with my anxieties and fears but as a child i had no one.  Subject: Re: withholding To: WTOAdultChildren1 Date: Thursday, June 17, 2010, 11:55 AM  The behaviors you describe, how your mother treated you / treats you, might be due to her bpd " black and white " thinking. Perhaps she has painted you as " all bad " . The reason I speculate this is that the withholding, unresponsive, cold-shoulder, no-eye contact behaviors are how my nada treats me when I am " painted black. " For whatever reason, my nada can't or won't discuss the issue (whatever it is) she's having with me in a calm, rational, adult way so we can resolve it. Instead, she either triggers into an explosive rage-tantrum, or she goes into " waif " mode and cries, or she sulks and gives me the silent treatment. When I was younger her rages terrified me, but her withdrawing and withholding communication and affection would make me crazed with guilt and anxiety and I'd try to placate her and get her to speak to me again. I agree that both raging tantrums (active,obvious emotional and physical abuse) and withdrawing/sulking/withholding (passive, covert abuse) are extremely immature behaviors and can inflict an enormous amount of long-term emotional damage when directed at small children, or even older kids, teens and young adults. With my mother, I think these behaviors can also be manipulative tactics used in a deliberate way, not unconscious, un-planned reactions. I don't know how much of my bpd/npd mom's raging or sulking is deliberate, or how much is just automatic and not planned. I probably never will know. -Annie > > I am seeing for the first time in my life how much of what my mother does is not 'active' abuse, but withholding. I would like to hear some other people's perspective on this, the ways in which their bpd mothers withhold from them or did in the past. One thing I have noticed is if my mother is not pleased in some way with me (usually because I have failed to caretake her emotions in some way or be her lay therapist) she withholds eye contact, she won't look at me directly by keeping her head turned away, she will not respond to me when I am speaking to her. I have noticed that other times when someone else (say, my SIL) asks her a question her tone of voice and responsiveness is very different. She will answer questions I ask but in a very annoyed and indignant tone of voice, when there was nothing wrong with my simple inquiry. Most of the time I feel that she just does not like me. And she is not that way all the time, just with me, mostly. I think I am both parents' least favorite child. > > Does anyone else have a mother that withholds as least as much as she is actively engaging in abuse? This is a weird category for me, because the result of being ignored by her when I stepped out of line the least little bit (sometimes without even being able to figure out what I had done) and being ignored and worse by my dad I feel like a ghost. I feel invisible and like people can't see me or hear me. For instance I remember my first twelve step meeting and everyone went around the room and said " I'm so and so " and people said " hi so and so " and I knew when they got to me and I introduced myself no one would answer back. I still remember the jolt I got when I said my name and everyone in the room said " hi " or " welcome " . It was such a relief to not be invisible. I also think that I am so convinced people are ignoring me when they are not that I overreact and go 'over-the-top' sometimes in my reactions, because I am so convinced no one is paying attention. I have to really work to keep my reactions appropriate sometimes. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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