Guest guest Posted June 17, 2010 Report Share Posted June 17, 2010 We all attract these people. I've been doing the same thing my whole life. I discovered Melonie Beaties(spelling?) book, " Codependant No More " . It was the beginning of a real change for me. I put it on my I Touch and have listened to it at least 5 times this year. Understanding that I can and should take care me first, that I am not responsible for anyone else but myself, and how to detach from people (and to know when to detach), has really changed my live already. You can also get addicted to drama, even though you hate it, then you will entangle yourself in other peoples problems as if only you can fix them. You can't, you shouldn't. Hang in there, you only need to be responsible for you and what ever you choose to take on. No guilt, no drama. > > like your entire life you have been surrounded by nuts your entire life? I feel like I've been caretaking for some dysfunctional person my entire life. And I'm sick of it. Are there really this many people who can't function? Or, only a few of us willing to help those who are? > > Or, is it just me that seems to keep running into the same thing. My father was mentally ill after a brain tumor. My mother severely borderline. My brother and sister abusive narcissists. Here I am taking care of my now dementied, borderline mother > > So, of course, I felt perfectly " normal " to marry a man with bpd and bipolar. And ...divorce...of course. > > I'd like to for once in my life, feel like there is someone normal around to talk to. Someone one supportive in my life. Not, just me here shoring everyone else up. > > I'm really, really tired of it. And have begun to wonder if life has anything else to offer me. And why there are some of us that seem to be dumped on. Okay, so I'm in a bad mood. But, really. Normalcy is needed now and then. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 18, 2010 Report Share Posted June 18, 2010 That's because this is level 564-B of hell. Just joking, kinda. There was a whole long post that went with that but I decided it might offend some people so I got rid of it. > > like your entire life you have been surrounded by nuts your entire life? I feel like I've been caretaking for some dysfunctional person my entire life. And I'm sick of it. Are there really this many people who can't function? Or, only a few of us willing to help those who are? > > Or, is it just me that seems to keep running into the same thing. My father was mentally ill after a brain tumor. My mother severely borderline. My brother and sister abusive narcissists. Here I am taking care of my now dementied, borderline mother > > So, of course, I felt perfectly " normal " to marry a man with bpd and bipolar. And ...divorce...of course. > > I'd like to for once in my life, feel like there is someone normal around to talk to. Someone one supportive in my life. Not, just me here shoring everyone else up. > > I'm really, really tired of it. And have begun to wonder if life has anything else to offer me. And why there are some of us that seem to be dumped on. Okay, so I'm in a bad mood. But, really. Normalcy is needed now and then. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 18, 2010 Report Share Posted June 18, 2010 yes. more and more every day. NPD father, probably sex addict, who did this covertly the whole time growing up. possible BPD OR NPD mother. My sister has narcissistic tendencies and both my brothers married complete psychos and became dishrag dads. my extended family are largely nuts as well. I think there might be a few normies in there here and there but my relationsips with my extended family have been so damaged due to my father's distortion campaign vs. me, shored up by my codependent mother with issues of her own, that none of them want to get to know me and all of them have preconceived notions of me that are founded in falsehoods my father has pulled out of his behind in his quest to make himself look like a victim of his own children, particularly me. I have only met sane people in twelve step, honest to god. And this may sound terrible, but that's only on a casual level. if you get close enough to most people in twelve step you will run headlong into their issues, because most of us with addiction problems have them for a reason, i.e being in flight from trauma in childhood.but it is true that most people in twelve step are trying on some level to get better. > > like your entire life you have been surrounded by nuts your entire life? I feel like I've been caretaking for some dysfunctional person my entire life. And I'm sick of it. Are there really this many people who can't function? Or, only a few of us willing to help those who are? > > Or, is it just me that seems to keep running into the same thing. My father was mentally ill after a brain tumor. My mother severely borderline. My brother and sister abusive narcissists. Here I am taking care of my now dementied, borderline mother > > So, of course, I felt perfectly " normal " to marry a man with bpd and bipolar. And ...divorce...of course. > > I'd like to for once in my life, feel like there is someone normal around to talk to. Someone one supportive in my life. Not, just me here shoring everyone else up. > > I'm really, really tired of it. And have begun to wonder if life has anything else to offer me. And why there are some of us that seem to be dumped on. Okay, so I'm in a bad mood. But, really. Normalcy is needed now and then. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 18, 2010 Report Share Posted June 18, 2010 Wendi, Another insight: I hear we often are addicted to drama because it makes us feel alive AND (this is a big one for me): It gets us outside ourselves away from the pain, grief, sadness, and shame that are hard to sit with. I am now identifying when I want to call someone that I know would not be good for me and simply because I like drama and gossip I take a deep breath hold back. and ask " Why? " I then realize I have an unresolved issue coming up inside me and it hasnt come out yet. I usually hold back and feel very BORED. I know my body is being prepared for what is going to come up next. I often sit quietly when I can or get involved in a relaxing meditative project or go for a walk. That's when it usually comes up. When I'm slightly distracted but just not too much and not trying to pull a giant microscope over it. That's the right climate for it to come up, for me to move through it and process it, to BE with it. And then let it go naturally. I am ready for the next chapter so to speak. I learn to realize the bad feeling is not really " bad " . There is no bad or good necessarily. There just IS so they say. That has made it easier to not judge myself for what comes up. I am simply a spirit in my mind and body and I'm learning to love all of myself equally. It's a slow but very rewarding process. Well I'm driving to meet friends I am wearing a nice dress. And I'm also going to be listening to Beattie on my iPod connector. Joy > > > > like your entire life you have been surrounded by nuts your entire life? I feel like I've been caretaking for some dysfunctional person my entire life. And I'm sick of it. Are there really this many people who can't function? Or, only a few of us willing to help those who are? > > > > Or, is it just me that seems to keep running into the same thing. My father was mentally ill after a brain tumor. My mother severely borderline. My brother and sister abusive narcissists. Here I am taking care of my now dementied, borderline mother > > > > So, of course, I felt perfectly " normal " to marry a man with bpd and bipolar. And ...divorce...of course. > > > > I'd like to for once in my life, feel like there is someone normal around to talk to. Someone one supportive in my life. Not, just me here shoring everyone else up. > > > > I'm really, really tired of it. And have begun to wonder if life has anything else to offer me. And why there are some of us that seem to be dumped on. Okay, so I'm in a bad mood. But, really. Normalcy is needed now and then. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 18, 2010 Report Share Posted June 18, 2010 You are right girl! Before I got into that book about codendancy I was always involved in someones drama. When there wasn't any I would get depressed. I didn't put it together at the time, it was kind of like drinking to forget or be numb. I was so involved with thier problems that I didnt' have to think about or feel the stuff I needed to be dealing with. It turns out that my stuff is really easier than I thought. Maybe I'm just finally really ready. I still am something of a workaholic, but I can't give that up yet. When I'm still too long I get wierd. I can't really describe it, I start to feel panicky, scared, teary, I don't know. As long as i'm busy, I'm happy and strangly relaxed. One thing at a time. Hey also, you were talking about setting boundries in the other post. It takes practice, everything worth doing takes some work I think. If you don't have " Codependant No More " on your Ipod, you should. It is really helpful. I don't know how old you are, but I have found that the older I get the less I care what other people think. I have started acting really silly at work a lot. Partly because I want everyone else to loosen up and have some fun, but mostly because I've decided I'm gonna have fun despite everyone else. I am the boss and I never used to repremand anyone for anything or really enforce my own policies for fear that someone would get mad at me or not like me. I really don't care anymore. Working that book has truelly done that for me. I'm not mean or rude to them, but I dont' hesitate to call them out for bad behavior. Thanks for the insight about the drama thing. It all makes more sense. > > > > > > like your entire life you have been surrounded by nuts your entire life? I feel like I've been caretaking for some dysfunctional person my entire life. And I'm sick of it. Are there really this many people who can't function? Or, only a few of us willing to help those who are? > > > > > > Or, is it just me that seems to keep running into the same thing. My father was mentally ill after a brain tumor. My mother severely borderline. My brother and sister abusive narcissists. Here I am taking care of my now dementied, borderline mother > > > > > > So, of course, I felt perfectly " normal " to marry a man with bpd and bipolar. And ...divorce...of course. > > > > > > I'd like to for once in my life, feel like there is someone normal around to talk to. Someone one supportive in my life. Not, just me here shoring everyone else up. > > > > > > I'm really, really tired of it. And have begun to wonder if life has anything else to offer me. And why there are some of us that seem to be dumped on. Okay, so I'm in a bad mood. But, really. Normalcy is needed now and then. > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 21, 2010 Report Share Posted June 21, 2010 I too was addicted to drama. as BPNada was . Co Dependent no more. made me realize this. Life is simplier when I am not trying to control the world. /Illinois ________________________________ To: WTOAdultChildren1 Sent: Fri, June 18, 2010 6:21:46 PM Subject: Re: Do you ever feel  Wendi, Another insight: I hear we often are addicted to drama because it makes us feel alive AND (this is a big one for me): It gets us outside ourselves away from the pain, grief, sadness, and shame that are hard to sit with. I am now identifying when I want to call someone that I know would not be good for me and simply because I like drama and gossip I take a deep breath hold back. and ask " Why? " I then realize I have an unresolved issue coming up inside me and it hasnt come out yet. I usually hold back and feel very BORED. I know my body is being prepared for what is going to come up next. I often sit quietly when I can or get involved in a relaxing meditative project or go for a walk. That's when it usually comes up. When I'm slightly distracted but just not too much and not trying to pull a giant microscope over it. That's the right climate for it to come up, for me to move through it and process it, to BE with it. And then let it go naturally. I am ready for the next chapter so to speak. I learn to realize the bad feeling is not really " bad " . There is no bad or good necessarily. There just IS so they say. That has made it easier to not judge myself for what comes up. I am simply a spirit in my mind and body and I'm learning to love all of myself equally. It's a slow but very rewarding process. Well I'm driving to meet friends I am wearing a nice dress. And I'm also going to be listening to Beattie on my iPod connector. Joy > > > > like your entire life you have been surrounded by nuts your entire life? I feel like I've been caretaking for some dysfunctional person my entire life. And I'm sick of it. Are there really this many people who can't function? Or, only a few of us willing to help those who are? > > > > Or, is it just me that seems to keep running into the same thing. My father was mentally ill after a brain tumor. My mother severely borderline. My brother and sister abusive narcissists. Here I am taking care of my now dementied, borderline mother > > > > So, of course, I felt perfectly " normal " to marry a man with bpd and bipolar. And ...divorce...of course. > > > > I'd like to for once in my life, feel like there is someone normal around to talk to. Someone one supportive in my life. Not, just me here shoring everyone else up. > > > > I'm really, really tired of it. And have begun to wonder if life has anything else to offer me. And why there are some of us that seem to be dumped on. Okay, so I'm in a bad mood. But, really. Normalcy is needed now and then. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 22, 2010 Report Share Posted June 22, 2010 > > > like your entire life you have been surrounded by nuts your entire life? I feel like I've been caretaking for some dysfunctional person my entire life. And I'm sick of it. Are there really this many people who can't function? Or, only a few of us willing to help those who are? > > > I'm really, really tired of it. And have begun to wonder if life has anything else to offer me. And why there are some of us that seem to be dumped on. Okay, so I'm in a bad mood. But, really. Normalcy is needed now and then. Boyyy can I relate to this one. After 38 years of nada I finally got smart and said, " No more. " So what did God send my way?? My 86 year old bipolar great aunt who just isn't very well attached to reality anymore, and her handicapped daughter who is also retarded, has been SPOILED to death by her mother, and is hell to deal with a great deal of the time. It's very hard managing the personal affairs of people who just want what they want when they want it, and don't really get such things as financial limits, or the fact that you're too busy and cash-strapped to be their beck and call girl all the time. *sigh* I want to declare my life a Mental Illness Free Zone, and actually have it STAY that way. 42 years is enough. --. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 22, 2010 Report Share Posted June 22, 2010 Fake your own death and move to the south of France. ....because at least the crazy people there speak another language, and you don't have to pretend you understand their crap. In my dreams, Tina > > > > > > like your entire life you have been surrounded by nuts your entire life? I feel like I've been caretaking for some dysfunctional person my entire life. And I'm sick of it. Are there really this many people who can't function? Or, only a few of us willing to help those who are? > > > > > I'm really, really tired of it. And have begun to wonder if life has anything else to offer me. And why there are some of us that seem to be dumped on. Okay, so I'm in a bad mood. But, really. Normalcy is needed now and then. > > > > Boyyy can I relate to this one. After 38 years of nada I finally got smart and said, " No more. " > > So what did God send my way?? My 86 year old bipolar great aunt who just isn't very well attached to reality anymore, and her handicapped daughter who is also retarded, has been SPOILED to death by her mother, and is hell to deal with a great deal of the time. It's very hard managing the personal affairs of people who just want what they want when they want it, and don't really get such things as financial limits, or the fact that you're too busy and cash-strapped to be their beck and call girl all the time. > > *sigh* > > I want to declare my life a Mental Illness Free Zone, and actually have it STAY that way. 42 years is enough. > > --. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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