Feel like I want to cry right now

[Guest guest]

I wanted to share what has just happended to me. I can't talk about it because I

am at work now. But i feel like I'm going to cry and I need to get this out so i

don't embarrass myself.

I was at a work

meeting, and my supervisor was supposed to go to a panel today, but we just

found

out he's going to be gone all week because his mother-in-law died suddenly. Much

of the meeting was taken up by a scramble by everybody else to cover all of his

duties for the week. I myself volunteered to go to a panel discussion tonight. I

called my mother and told her (because I had been going to her house that

night). Please note that at the time, we had NOTHING planned, when I go over

there, I just usually help with some chores. Well nada started screaming at me

(on my work phone at our open-plan office) that she has just made an appointment

with some renovators and needed me at her house tonight to " keep her dogs quiet

because the contractor doesn't like them. She kept screaming at me, until I hung

up, talked to my coworker (also a very good friend), who volunteered to go alone

without me. I called back nada, told her that I could come over tonight. Was she

happy? Of course she wasn't. There was more screaming and yelling. I asked her

calmly five times what time she wanted me over there. More screaming and

yelling, playing the matyr, refusing my help, degrading and demeaning me....etc,

etc. I hung up on her. Went back to my coworker, and recommitted myself to the

panel. Now, I am a social worker ,and deal with many people who have mental

health issues. When my friend/coworker heard the screaming over the phone, she

though that I was dealing with a particularly disturbed patient. I am so sick

and tired of trying to pretend to come from a normal family, and then have nada

humiliate me in front of friends, cowrokers, and the world at large. I am

disgusted with her selfishness, and ashamed to be her daughter.

Please, some encouraging words. I could really use some support right now....

Sherry

[Guest guest]

Dear Sherry,

Just happened to be online right now and I saw your message. I'm so sorry to

hear about this!! I know that everyone on the board would want to send you warm

wishes and sympathy. We have all been there. Nadas are particularly notorious

at trying to embarass and humiliate us in front of people who respect us and

take us seriously (co-workers, people in restaraunts, people at public functions

such as wedddings/funerals, I could go on....)

Your nada's behviour is nothing short of obscene. The reason that nadas are

considered mentally ill, is because what they do is offensive to civilized

society. Your work is important. It should be respected. Nada's attempting to

defile it and disregard it with a childlike scream for attention is immoral.

Your dignity and the respect of your co-workers is well-earned.

Remember that what nada just tried to do to you is part of a universal theme.

Nadas trample their childrens' dignity--or, try their darndest to. People at

work do NOT see you as nada wants you to see you--like you said, they see you as

a dignified person dealing with a particularly troubled client.

Hang in there!

Charlie

>

> I wanted to share what has just happended to me. I can't talk about it because

I am at work now. But i feel like I'm going to cry and I need to get this out so

i don't embarrass myself.

>

> I was at a work

> meeting, and my supervisor was supposed to go to a panel today, but we just

found

> out he's going to be gone all week because his mother-in-law died suddenly.

Much

> of the meeting was taken up by a scramble by everybody else to cover all of

his

> duties for the week. I myself volunteered to go to a panel discussion tonight.

I

> called my mother and told her (because I had been going to her house that

> night). Please note that at the time, we had NOTHING planned, when I go over

> there, I just usually help with some chores. Well nada started screaming at me

> (on my work phone at our open-plan office) that she has just made an

appointment

> with some renovators and needed me at her house tonight to " keep her dogs

quiet

> because the contractor doesn't like them. She kept screaming at me, until I

hung

> up, talked to my coworker (also a very good friend), who volunteered to go

alone

> without me. I called back nada, told her that I could come over tonight. Was

she

> happy? Of course she wasn't. There was more screaming and yelling. I asked her

> calmly five times what time she wanted me over there. More screaming and

> yelling, playing the matyr, refusing my help, degrading and demeaning

me....etc,

> etc. I hung up on her. Went back to my coworker, and recommitted myself to the

> panel. Now, I am a social worker ,and deal with many people who have mental

> health issues. When my friend/coworker heard the screaming over the phone, she

> though that I was dealing with a particularly disturbed patient. I am so sick

> and tired of trying to pretend to come from a normal family, and then have

nada

> humiliate me in front of friends, cowrokers, and the world at large. I am

> disgusted with her selfishness, and ashamed to be her daughter.

>

> Please, some encouraging words. I could really use some support right now....

>

>

> Sherry

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Sherry,

I'm sorry this happened to you. It sounds like classic nada

behavior. It doesn't matter what you do for them, it is never

enough and they always want more. They often don't care whether

they're disturbing you at work either. Sometimes they even

prefer to cause drama in front of others.

I wonder why you feel you need to pretend to come from a normal

family? Are you still subscribing to the idea that nadas

commonly promote that we must never let others know anything

isn't perfect at home? Real people come from families with

problems of various sorts. Most families aren't perfect. It

seems to me that pretending just adds a lot of stress to life. I

don't bother to try to hide the fact that my mother acts crazy

sometimes, at least not when other people can see or hear what

she's doing. I don't go out of my way to talk about it, but if

people ask me about it, I tell them an appropriate amount of

information for the level of relationship I have with them. For

co-workers I wasn't close to, that would probably mean saying

that she has mental health issues that cause her to have

problems with close relationships. Friends get told more if they

ask about it. There is nothing shameful about having a close

relative with a mental illness. You don't have to hide it from

people who can already tell something is wrong. If people have

some clue about what is going on, they often end up being

sympathetic rather than thinking something might be wrong with

you. Some people are clueless no matter what, but most people

can understand that having a mother who is mentally ill is not

your fault.

Also, I'd recommend being firm with her about yelling at you

while you're at work. You don't have to put up with that. I'd

tell her you're going to hang up when she starts yelling and

then do it right away rather than listening to it and trying to

reason with her. Take control of the situation. You could even

go so far as to tell her that you're not going to do anything to

help her if she yells at you.

At 12:53 PM 06/02/2010 SherryM wrote:

>I wanted to share what has just happended to me. I can't talk

>about it because I am at work now. But i feel like I'm going to

>cry and I need to get this out so i don't embarrass myself.

>

>I was at a work

>meeting, and my supervisor was supposed to go to a panel today,

>but we just found

>out he's going to be gone all week because his mother-in-law

>died suddenly. Much

>of the meeting was taken up by a scramble by everybody else to

>cover all of his

>duties for the week. I myself volunteered to go to a panel

>discussion tonight. I

>called my mother and told her (because I had been going to her

>house that

>night). Please note that at the time, we had NOTHING planned,

>when I go over

>there, I just usually help with some chores. Well nada started

>screaming at me

>(on my work phone at our open-plan office) that she has just

>made an appointment

>with some renovators and needed me at her house tonight to

> " keep her dogs quiet

>because the contractor doesn't like them. She kept screaming at

>me, until I hung

>up, talked to my coworker (also a very good friend), who

>volunteered to go alone

>without me. I called back nada, told her that I could come over

>tonight. Was she

>happy? Of course she wasn't. There was more screaming and

>yelling. I asked her

>calmly five times what time she wanted me over there. More

>screaming and

>yelling, playing the matyr, refusing my help, degrading and

>demeaning me....etc,

>etc. I hung up on her. Went back to my coworker, and

>recommitted myself to the

>panel. Now, I am a social worker ,and deal with many people who

>have mental

>health issues. When my friend/coworker heard the screaming over

>the phone, she

>though that I was dealing with a particularly disturbed

>patient. I am so sick

>and tired of trying to pretend to come from a normal family,

>and then have nada

>humiliate me in front of friends, cowrokers, and the world at

>large. I am

>disgusted with her selfishness, and ashamed to be her daughter.

>

>Please, some encouraging words. I could really use some support

>right now....

>

>

>Sherry

--

Katrina

[Guest guest]

Sherry,

Oh, wow. I thought my nada could be bad, but this was wayyy over the top.

Sorry you had to put up with this. IMO you did totally the right thing, because

if a person like this does this behavior and gets what she wants--you putting up

with it and coming meekly right over to do what she wanted you to do--she would

see that it worked and you would be subjected to it again and again. So, it may

have made for an awful day, but you might have lessened, at least a little bit,

the chances of a similar meltdown in the future.

--.