fada question

[Guest guest]

for as long as I can remember my father has talked about my mother to us like

she had the most horrible experiences possible (she did have a horrible

childhood after losing her mother). But no matter what happened to us nothing

about our childhoods mattered because my mother had it worse. Her father was a

pedophile who abused her her entire childhood, and also abused my sister and I.

The very few times I have talked about this to my father he completely minimizes

this happening, saying things like 'your mother had to endure it her entire

life, and you just had one or two little incidences " with an air of complete

indignance (!!!...for the record even though her father did this my mother still

sent my sister and I to stay with him for a week unsupervised, separately, and

of course we were assaulted by him). Does anyone else have this excuse making by

the fada in the family to invalidate their own suffereing? It's absolutely inane

the lengths my father will go to to deny that I and my siblings might have had

any pain or suffered at all, during childhood. We are always silenced by his

protectiveness of my mother as 'the queen of having suffered'. (I sometimes

wonder if perhaps he's projected his own suffereing as a child, which he can't

consciously claim, onto her). He talks about her like she is infallible and

without any fault yet at the same time he has abused her emotionally and

pschologically their entire marriage. I also found out that he cheated on her,

as well. Probably serially. i don't understand this dynamic, at all. Can anyone

relate to this type of dysfunction?