Guest guest Posted June 21, 2010 Report Share Posted June 21, 2010 she sounds like she has a LOT of problems !!! she is NOT normal !!! Jackie Hi All, Were do i start?? Ok my hubby to be has recently over the past few months realised that he has a Nada too, hence the reason behind is breakdown and trying to end his life etc, because he always felt he was worthless and a bad person. My mother in law to be, my hubbys nada never visited him whilst he was in hospital after trying to end his life, and he has not seen her in over two months, or even spoke to her because he has been getting therapy etc. However, yesterday we visited his father for fathers day, his nada was there, she totally blanked my hubby to be never said a word to him, like he was not even there, she didnt even congratulate me on our wedding. Is it me or is that behaviour so not normal and rational??? His whole family seem to be brainwashed by her and fooled, I feel like my hubby to be and me are the only people who see through her. But it saddens me to think how she could be like this, when in the beginning I thought she was great. All thoughts welcome. Thanks xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 21, 2010 Report Share Posted June 21, 2010 those sound like BPD behaviors to me. mad at him for being engaged, afraid of abandonment, so not talking to him. and the ultimate abandonment? suicide. so that freaked her out so much she couldn't deal with it. Deanna > > Hi All, > > Were do i start?? Ok my hubby to be has recently over the past few months realised that he has a Nada too, hence the reason behind is breakdown and trying to end his life etc, because he always felt he was worthless and a bad person. > > My mother in law to be, my hubbys nada never visited him whilst he was in hospital after trying to end his life, and he has not seen her in over two months, or even spoke to her because he has been getting therapy etc. > > However, yesterday we visited his father for fathers day, his nada was there, she totally blanked my hubby to be never said a word to him, like he was not even there, she didnt even congratulate me on our wedding. Is it me or is that behaviour so not normal and rational??? > > His whole family seem to be brainwashed by her and fooled, I feel like my hubby to be and me are the only people who see through her. > > But it saddens me to think how she could be like this, when in the beginning I thought she was great. > > All thoughts welcome. > > Thanks > xx > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 21, 2010 Report Share Posted June 21, 2010 thanks deanna....thats just the tip of the iceburg, she tried to manipulate me into leaving my husband at the time of his breakdown, telling me he is nothing without her, and he doesnt know a good thing when he has it, that his suicide attempt was nothing more than a cry for help, all kinds of horrible nasty things. Which thankfully I didnt believe, however, at the time it did put alot of strain on the relationship. It seems that she only loves him when she has him all to herself, and when he is happily getting along with his own life, she totally rejects him, does not call to see him or anything. She even went on a family holiday with his sister and her two children without even mentioning a word to us. And its all about how amazing his sister is, how wonderful she is, how my hubby is bad etc. But the worst thing is she disguises that with supposed love. My hubby for years before I came on the scene, (i also have a nada!!) thought he was going insane, it was only when and since ive been healing from my past abuse that this has all came out. xx ________________________________ To: WTOAdultChildren1 Sent: Mon, June 21, 2010 7:09:38 PM Subject: Re: Visit to Nada  those sound like BPD behaviors to me. mad at him for being engaged, afraid of abandonment, so not talking to him. and the ultimate abandonment? suicide. so that freaked her out so much she couldn't deal with it. Deanna > > Hi All, > > Were do i start?? Ok my hubby to be has recently over the past few months realised that he has a Nada too, hence the reason behind is breakdown and trying to end his life etc, because he always felt he was worthless and a bad person. > > My mother in law to be, my hubbys nada never visited him whilst he was in hospital after trying to end his life, and he has not seen her in over two months, or even spoke to her because he has been getting therapy etc. > > However, yesterday we visited his father for fathers day, his nada was there, she totally blanked my hubby to be never said a word to him, like he was not even there, she didnt even congratulate me on our wedding. Is it me or is that behaviour so not normal and rational??? > > His whole family seem to be brainwashed by her and fooled, I feel like my hubby to be and me are the only people who see through her. > > But it saddens me to think how she could be like this, when in the beginning I thought she was great. > > All thoughts welcome. > > Thanks > xx > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 21, 2010 Report Share Posted June 21, 2010 My thoughts exactly Jackie. I think she has major un-resolved issues from her childhood......and she has projected her own shit onto my hubby. I call her the rescuer, she is only happy when she seems to be rescuing someone, its always been my hubby self destructing in the past, but never knew why he was doing it. xx ________________________________ To: WTOAdultChildren1 Sent: Mon, June 21, 2010 7:03:31 PM Subject: Re: Visit to Nada  she sounds like she has a LOT of problems !!! she is NOT normal !!! Jackie Hi All, Were do i start?? Ok my hubby to be has recently over the past few months realised that he has a Nada too, hence the reason behind is breakdown and trying to end his life etc, because he always felt he was worthless and a bad person. My mother in law to be, my hubbys nada never visited him whilst he was in hospital after trying to end his life, and he has not seen her in over two months, or even spoke to her because he has been getting therapy etc. However, yesterday we visited his father for fathers day, his nada was there, she totally blanked my hubby to be never said a word to him, like he was not even there, she didnt even congratulate me on our wedding. Is it me or is that behaviour so not normal and rational??? His whole family seem to be brainwashed by her and fooled, I feel like my hubby to be and me are the only people who see through her. But it saddens me to think how she could be like this, when in the beginning I thought she was great. All thoughts welcome. Thanks xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 21, 2010 Report Share Posted June 21, 2010 well what a wonderful thing that you two have found each other! you can understand one another and help one another, while you grow together and become fully individuated from your nadas. that is a great thing! Deanna > > > > Hi All, > > > > Were do i start?? Ok my hubby to be has recently over the past few months realised that he has a Nada too, hence the reason behind is breakdown and trying to end his life etc, because he always felt he was worthless and a bad person. > > > > My mother in law to be, my hubbys nada never visited him whilst he was in hospital after trying to end his life, and he has not seen her in over two months, or even spoke to her because he has been getting therapy etc. > > > > However, yesterday we visited his father for fathers day, his nada was there, she totally blanked my hubby to be never said a word to him, like he was not even there, she didnt even congratulate me on our wedding. Is it me or is that behaviour so not normal and rational??? > > > > His whole family seem to be brainwashed by her and fooled, I feel like my hubby to be and me are the only people who see through her. > > > > But it saddens me to think how she could be like this, when in the beginning I thought she was great. > > > > All thoughts welcome. > > > > Thanks > > xx > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 21, 2010 Report Share Posted June 21, 2010 My nada is also " The Rescuer " ! When there is no one to rescue, she will create a huge crisis so she can go in and play " rescue hero " . It always blows my mind when I read about the similarities between our nadas. My nada also goes to visit my brother and SIL and will not say a word to my SIL. She thinks my SIL is evil (probably for a very similar reasons: she stole my brother away from nada). Except a few weeks ago, nada brought some friends with her to visit my brother and SIL. Suddenly she was so sweet and kind to my SIL (who stood there in complete shock) and spoke to her for the first time in a year! I guess her need to look good in front of her friends outweighed her need to treat my SIL as a villain. Yuck! - > > My thoughts exactly Jackie. I think she has major un-resolved issues from her childhood......and she has projected her own shit onto my hubby. > > I call her the rescuer, she is only happy when she seems to be rescuing someone, its always been my hubby self destructing in the past, but never knew why he was doing it. > > xx > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 21, 2010 Report Share Posted June 21, 2010 I'm really glad your healing is bringing his pain to light. I bet when the worst is over you both will be closer and happier. May the rest of your lives bring you much joy. > > > > Hi All, > > > > Were do i start?? Ok my hubby to be has recently over the past few months realised that he has a Nada too, hence the reason behind is breakdown and trying to end his life etc, because he always felt he was worthless and a bad person. > > > > My mother in law to be, my hubbys nada never visited him whilst he was in hospital after trying to end his life, and he has not seen her in over two months, or even spoke to her because he has been getting therapy etc. > > > > However, yesterday we visited his father for fathers day, his nada was there, she totally blanked my hubby to be never said a word to him, like he was not even there, she didnt even congratulate me on our wedding. Is it me or is that behaviour so not normal and rational??? > > > > His whole family seem to be brainwashed by her and fooled, I feel like my hubby to be and me are the only people who see through her. > > > > But it saddens me to think how she could be like this, when in the beginning I thought she was great. > > > > All thoughts welcome. > > > > Thanks > > xx > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 21, 2010 Report Share Posted June 21, 2010 You know, reading others having the exact same complaints/issues as I have had for years, makes me feel amazingly sane for the first time in a while. It's one thing to KNOW you are not the issue and it's another to see other mom's who not only do the exact same lunatic behaviors but even use my mom's words. Does this sound familiar to anyone? A friend used the phrase (with a loving ending about her son) " I brought you into this world... " and in my mind it finished with " and I can take you out. " I told her the end my mind created and we were amazed that she grew up with her NADA mom saying the exact same line. I SOOOOO know the one of being rageful and in the next heartbeat, a friend walking in and she is gloating on you for something and well, finding a way to take all the credit for it. It's crazymaking. I have gotten to the point where I don't want to tell my nada anything good I do in the world cause she will own it. Somehow, everything I do that is good, is because of her, but anything I do that is 'bad', is something that I need to be shamed about, out loud, for years. Btw, this friend told me the best line I have heard in a long time today. At one point, her NADA mom threatened suicide once again " You are so awful to me I am going to kill myself " . Her response was " well, mom, you gotta do what you gotta do. " . Sad that I laughed my butt off. Sad that I understand why that is a hysterical response. Sad that we all do. Calling the bluff of a narcissist BPD. Everyone who's mom has threatened suicide raise their hand... ame raises hers. my mom's latest " hero rescue " attempt has backfired on her. it's caused the LC I am now having. She's not happy about it naturally. it was my last straw. interesting tho to watch her try to backpedal. " When there is no one to rescue, she will create a huge crisis so she can go in and play " rescue hero " . nada brought some friends with her to visit my brother and SIL. Suddenly she was so sweet and kind to my SIL (who stood there in complete shock) and spoke to her for the first time in a year! I guess her need to look good in front of her friends outweighed her need to treat my SIL as a villain. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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