Re: twinned gifts

June 23, 2010

,

My nada has a history of giving gifts that are duplicates of

things she owns, but I think her reasoning is at least partially

different. As far as I can tell, the reason is that she thinks

that if she likes something, everyone else should like it too.

In more recent years, she's switched to giving gifts that she

wants but doesn't own, seemingly with the hope that she might

get to keep the gifts herself if they don't suit the recipient.

She has been known to take back gifts if we aren't properly

effusive over them.

And yes, being weirded out by your nadas twinned gifts sounds

like a reasonable reaction.

At 02:30 AM 06/23/2010 climberkayak wrote:

>Do any of you ever get what I call twinned gifts? Where your

>nada buys an item for herself and buys one just like it for you

>and makes a big deal out of giving you this " gift " ? I just get

>an icky feeling from this and then feel like I'm being paranoid

>for it bothering me. It feels like yet another way she tries

>to physically reinforce the connection between me and her -

>like now we both have this exact same item in our homes. She

>also remembers which gifts she's given even from years ago, so

>just throwing things out is not so simple.

>

>Anyone relate? And would these twinned gifts weird you out

>any?

>

--

Katrina

June 23, 2010

Yep.

She also used to do that when I would go clothes shopping with her. If I bought

something, she'd buy the same thing, 'You have better taste than I do. " And

then I'd worry about wearing things at the same time.... and it would always be

a 'thing.'

Or haircuts. Same thing.

I realized I wasn't going to fix this, now I just avoid those situations.

Lynnette

>

> Do any of you ever get what I call twinned gifts? Where your nada buys an

item for herself and buys one just like it for you and makes a big deal out of

giving you this " gift " ? I just get an icky feeling from this and then feel like

I'm being paranoid for it bothering me. It feels like yet another way she

tries to physically reinforce the connection between me and her - like now we

both have this exact same item in our homes. She also remembers which gifts

she's given even from years ago, so just throwing things out is not so simple.

>

> Anyone relate? And would these twinned gifts weird you out any?

>

June 23, 2010

Katrina, that is similar it's like if she likes it then automatically I should

like it. Given that I have no individuality it seems. That's amazing your

nada actually takes gifts back...wow.

Lynette, with your mother copying you it sounds more like she's trying to coopt

your identity rather than trying to force her identity on you. Either way it's

icky.

And sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. Sometimes I can't help but read a lot

into these things sometimes.

> >Do any of you ever get what I call twinned gifts? Where your

> >nada buys an item for herself and buys one just like it for you

> >and makes a big deal out of giving you this " gift " ? I just get

> >an icky feeling from this and then feel like I'm being paranoid

> >for it bothering me. It feels like yet another way she tries

> >to physically reinforce the connection between me and her -

> >like now we both have this exact same item in our homes. She

> >also remembers which gifts she's given even from years ago, so

> >just throwing things out is not so simple.

> >

> >Anyone relate? And would these twinned gifts weird you out

> >any?

> >

>

> --

> Katrina

>

June 23, 2010

Hi, when I was in contact, at Chrismtas my nada was especially fond of giving

the two of us 'twin' pajamas. The exact same set, but in different colors,

usually. She meant it in an enmeshing, intimately abusive way and it was icky

and slimy, absolutely horrible. She never did this with my split good siblings,

only with me, the eldest and split black. She also would ocasionally give us

twin shirts or pants, and was very fond of trying to get me to accept clothes of

her own she was throwing out. Again, she never did this with my sister and

split good brother--though she did buy the brother and all boyfriends clothes

that *she* liked.

Overall nada was deperately and sexually obsessed with everything we ate and all

of our clothing choices, she manically, relentless monitored these and attempted

to coerce and control them in various ways. She never, ever, EVER got tired of

asking my fada what he had eaten for lunch that day, even though he expressed

annoyance or ignored her every time she asked.

So, yes. Nada behaviour pattern.

--Charlie

> >

> > Do any of you ever get what I call twinned gifts? Where your nada buys an

item for herself and buys one just like it for you and makes a big deal out of

giving you this " gift " ? I just get an icky feeling from this and then feel like

I'm being paranoid for it bothering me. It feels like yet another way she

tries to physically reinforce the connection between me and her - like now we

both have this exact same item in our homes. She also remembers which gifts

she's given even from years ago, so just throwing things out is not so simple.

> >

> > Anyone relate? And would these twinned gifts weird you out any?

> >

>

June 23, 2010

Obsessed with what you ate? Wow, mine does this too. She has a strange

interest in the details of what I've eaten or if I say I've gone to the store

with what I've bought. It's more than just making conversation...it's odd. If

I've had something she doesn't have access to she *must* have it or whine about

not having it.

And pajamas, that's an even ickier twinned gift than I have to put up with.

Something so personal that you'd wear while asleep. Did you wear them, what did

you do with them? Thanks for sharing about this helps to know that it is part

of the nada pattern.

> > >

> > > Do any of you ever get what I call twinned gifts? Where your nada buys an

item for herself and buys one just like it for you and makes a big deal out of

giving you this " gift " ? I just get an icky feeling from this and then feel like

I'm being paranoid for it bothering me. It feels like yet another way she

tries to physically reinforce the connection between me and her - like now we

both have this exact same item in our homes. She also remembers which gifts

she's given even from years ago, so just throwing things out is not so simple.

> > >

> > > Anyone relate? And would these twinned gifts weird you out any?

> > >

> >

>

June 24, 2010

At first I didn't get it; but then I put myself in your place and experienced

the " ick. "

The creepy feeling of " I saw this in the store, LOVED it, and got one for you,

because I **am** YOU! "

Yes....ick.

>

> Do any of you ever get what I call twinned gifts? Where your nada buys an

item for herself and buys one just like it for you and makes a big deal out of

giving you this " gift " ? I just get an icky feeling from this and then feel like

I'm being paranoid for it bothering me. It feels like yet another way she

tries to physically reinforce the connection between me and her - like now we

both have this exact same item in our homes. She also remembers which gifts

she's given even from years ago, so just throwing things out is not so simple.

>

> Anyone relate? And would these twinned gifts weird you out any?

>

June 24, 2010

I completely understand last year my mom bought us matching swimming suits, mine

in a size 22 although I wasn't that big and her's in a size 10, and then I had

to wear it to the pool with her or listen to the tirade, this year when she came

to visit I am in a size 14, so I don't have to wear it anymore. I am 39 and

right before she bought me my suit last year she announced to the entire pool,

by yelling at me across the pool that my swim suits was completely see through.

I was embarrassed but experienced enough that I pretended she wasn't talking to

me and kept playing with my son. This year she said you can really see your

nipples through that suit, it has padded cups and I said yep, I'm cold. There

is never enough gratitude that can be shown or enough bending to please her, and

it's ironic to be acting so grateful when you are not,.

> > >Do any of you ever get what I call twinned gifts? Where your

> > >nada buys an item for herself and buys one just like it for you

> > >and makes a big deal out of giving you this " gift " ? I just get

> > >an icky feeling from this and then feel like I'm being paranoid

> > >for it bothering me. It feels like yet another way she tries

> > >to physically reinforce the connection between me and her -

> > >like now we both have this exact same item in our homes. She

> > >also remembers which gifts she's given even from years ago, so

> > >just throwing things out is not so simple.

> > >

> > >Anyone relate? And would these twinned gifts weird you out

> > >any?

> > >

> >

> > --

> > Katrina

> >

>

June 24, 2010

Yep, my nada is the same. If nada likes/dislikes something then everybody else

is the same. So everything I get from nada is pink or plaid. I hate pink and my

house now looks like the set of " So I Married an Axe Murderer " Nada's house also

looks like a tartan bomb went off inside it. ish nada's suck too.

Digression warning:

When we had scottish visitors to the house nada planned their entire visit down

to the last detail without consulting them whatsoever on what they wanted to do.

It's the same idea of " What I like, you must therefore like because I am the

smartest, best, and most experienced person who ever lived. "

The scottish cousin and I were forced to go rafting on the river even though I

warned nada of a thunder/lightning storm. That was the wettest, scariest raft

i've ever been on. Then nada refused to pass along my message asking this same

scottish cousin if he'd like to come with me to my worksite for half a day. I

worked on oil and gas drilling rigs which is kind of exciting for some people.

Nada said " oh Allan won't want to do that " because nada never wanted to do that.

Allan was very disappointed when I asked him if nada gave him the message and he

of course confirmed that he would have LOVED to come to the drilling rig with

me. ARGHHH