Re: I really just don't like her.

[Guest guest]

You know what? I told someone just today that I love my stepnada but I don't

like her at all.

Not a bit.

It's really freeing to finally admit it, like you're slowly crawling out of the

muddy sludge of denial that's been obscuring and slowing your life thus far. And

by " you, " I really mean me.

Lynnette, another good one from you.

Tina

>

> I would love to say that I have a mother I like. I would love to say that she

puts thought into her words and actions. I would love to say that I hope to be

like her, to follow in her footsteps.

>

> But that's not true.

>

> And it's sad.

>

> And it hurts.

>

> Very much.

>

> I have a reactionary mother. I have one that uses guilt, manipulation, anger

and ridicule to get her way: and make me feel badly in the process. So much so,

that I've stopped doing most of what she wants because it's pointless.

>

> I just really don't like her as a person... let alone a mother.

>

> Lynnette - yes, " it " hit today.

>

[Guest guest]

I don't like her either. And I told her that I will always love her (in some

way... it is true)- and that is why it hurts so bad. It is why I grieve so

deeply, because I love her. But I also told her that while I would love to have

a healthy relationship with her, I simply don't need her in my life to be happy.

She wasn't happy with that.

I don't like her at all.

> >

> > I would love to say that I have a mother I like. I would love to say that

she puts thought into her words and actions. I would love to say that I hope to

be like her, to follow in her footsteps.

> >

> > But that's not true.

> >

> > And it's sad.

> >

> > And it hurts.

> >

> > Very much.

> >

> > I have a reactionary mother. I have one that uses guilt, manipulation,

anger and ridicule to get her way: and make me feel badly in the process. So

much so, that I've stopped doing most of what she wants because it's pointless.

> >

> > I just really don't like her as a person... let alone a mother.

> >

> > Lynnette - yes, " it " hit today.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

wow, I can relate to that. My mother is pitiful, whiny, negative, plays her kids

against each other, picks the worst possible moment to complain, stayed with my

dad despite his abuse, etc etc. She has good qualities, but her bad ones are

really grating on me lately. I needed a role model when I was younger, someone

to show me how to be in the world, and she only showed me how to be a doormat

and attract abusers. Plus throughout my life she has consistently resented me

and made me pay for the strong qualities I developed DESPITE being raised by a

manipulative wet noodle who won't stand up for herself because it 'rocks the

boat' of her martyrdom, which is enshrined in gold, and yet enlists other people

to fight her battles, then promptly diminshes her role in encouraging them to

be codependent on her behalf. In short, she's exasperating. Hugs.

>

> I would love to say that I have a mother I like. I would love to say that she

puts thought into her words and actions. I would love to say that I hope to be

like her, to follow in her footsteps.

>

> But that's not true.

>

> And it's sad.

>

> And it hurts.

>

> Very much.

>

> I have a reactionary mother. I have one that uses guilt, manipulation, anger

and ridicule to get her way: and make me feel badly in the process. So much so,

that I've stopped doing most of what she wants because it's pointless.

>

> I just really don't like her as a person... let alone a mother.

>

> Lynnette - yes, " it " hit today.

>

[Guest guest]

You know, I think it is those " good " qualities that can make them even more

crazy-making and confusing. My mother had some really good qualities too,

but the whiney, needy, manipulative, phobic, hermit, waify qualities were

well over the top and it's hard to even appreciate their good qualities when

they're like this.

In a message dated 6/24/2010 10:29:44 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

josephinebl67@... writes:

She has good qualities, but her bad ones are really grating on me lately.