Guest guest Posted June 15, 2010 Report Share Posted June 15, 2010 well, i sometimes wonder too if they will ever go away completely.. there may be traces of this fear and nervousness for a long time, but with more time and effort and practice it does get better i believe and is well worth it to try your best. Â it helps me when i remember that i am feeling these old feelings in the present but the present is now very different from the past.. nada and fada are no longer around to try to micro manage my life.. the people now are busy living their own lives, too busy to pay that much attention to mine and when i can let this sink in i am ok with it. Â it takes work to do this, the feelings of fear are still there sometimes and still strong even but with awareness that they are from the past and i can focus on the present they can be accepted, heard and allowed to fade and change.. slow going sometimes but progress none the less. and i am grateful for it (when i'm not angry about the source !)best wishes, ann Subject: Hyper-vigilance To: WTOAdultChildren1 Date: Saturday, June 12, 2010, 12:36 AM Â Growing up my mother always had a way of " finding me " . If i took a minute to sit down, pick up a book, turn on the radio, or go to the bathroom, it's like she new that I had stopped doing whatever it was that she had directed me to do...and she would undoubtedly let me know that that was unacceptable. The only time I was allowed to be in my bedroom was when I was sleeping. The fact that if you weren't doing or cleaning something meant that you were doing something wrong was just another one of those tacit agreements in my household. However, as a result I find myself in a perpetual state of hyper-vigilance, always on the look out for someone to come into the room, for someone to shout at me. Every room I walk into, every situation I enter, my first thought is always " what should I be doing " . i don't understand how people can just sit down and truly relax. I am in a perpetual state of fear, plagued by an unrelenting tension that makes my chest aches. How do I learn to let go? How do I learn that she is not lurking around every corner, that she is not lurking around every corner, waiting on me to fail? how do i learn that it is OK to just be? Will the knots ever go away? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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