Re: Re: Life Long Trauma & Birth

[Guest guest]

As a mother of 4 grown children who Nada watched one of them one time for a

couple hrs because I was desperate. I always wished and hoped for her to be a

loving grandmother. she couldn't be bothered due to her BPD & narcisstic

nature. It still hurts deeply. I know she has had mental problems all her

life but I still believe you know when you are hurting someones feelingsÂ

as in when she would blame, rage, hit, me .

As a result of her n/c with her grandchildren. they do not know her or have

time for her now. You reap what you sow. I really hate her for taking away

my childhood (I was her parent). but my reaction is to see her only 4 times or

less per month. She is the same manipulative woman she has always been in her

old age. This website has given me the courage to enjoy my life and leave her

behind. She has been and anchor around my neck long enough,

Blessings,

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Wed, June 30, 2010 12:09:50 PM

Subject: Re: Life Long Trauma & Birth

Â

I didn't have a name for my Mother's problems when my son was born (other than

the very general term " nuckin fut " ) but bc of her instability, rages and cruel

remarks, I told my mother she could not come for his birth. Yes, this was an

extremely awkward conversation, but I did not want the focus of that magical

time to be on mother and on trying to guage when she might " blow. " my husband

and I are pretty much on our own and that was hard. It still hurts that I had to

be on my own with my son before he was a week old after nearly 24 hours of

active labor and nearly 4 hours in the delivery room and what my doctor called a

" blowout " birth and no mom to be there. I didn't even expect sympathy from her

bc she actually once told me (when she was angry about something I wouldn't do)

" Dont expect any sympathy from me when you have a baby! I won't listen and I

won't help! " My husband owns his own business and in this economy... He was

there more than we could

afford, but I was devastated not to have the motherly help, comfort, and

presence all my friends received. (My MIL is deceased.) I just don't trust her

to hold it together and to focus on what is important - and she's so sensitive

that if I don't do everything her way she comes unglued. So I don't really think

I'm traumatized per se, but it is a lingering disappointment that I am so sad

had to become part of my reality.

>

> yes, they are that selfish, unfortunately !!

>

> Jackie

>

>

>

>

> I think this is a great topic. I have never considered whether I had

> long-term trauma from this, but my mother simply was not there for me. I was

> given very grim news about my son and told he had less than a 3% chance to

> survive. He has a condition called Arhtrogryposis. He was born with all

> sorts of problems including pulmonary hypertension, prematurity, scoliosis,

> etc.

>

> I'll share a small example of what it was like. I was getting difficult news

> throughout my pregnancy as we found out via ultra sound that my son was

> going to have problems. So I was going back and forth to specilaists during

> my pregnancy. When I was about 7 months along, my mother called me one day

> whining about her problems and issues. She then told me she had spoken to

> Jo, a friend of hers, and that Jo was the only person who had asked how MY

> pregnancy had affected HER.

>

> Honestly, I was flabergasted. Completely floored. And yet at the same time,

> not surpised.

>

> My baby spent a month in the NICU. Do you think my mother came to help me

> clean my house, cook a meal, wash clothes? No. She was too busty worrying

> about herself.

>

> Incidentally, she was the same way with my sister. My sister's daughter was

> born at 34 weeks and was on a ventilator in the NICU for a few weeks. My

> mother told my sister she was getting " too attached " to her daughter and

> shouldn't be going to the hospital every day.

>

> Sometimes it's really unbelievable how freaking selfish they can be.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I understand. My one sister says the same thing of when her 2 kids were

born ( and they were healthy) that she had always dreamed of having our

mother with her when they were born and to help out for a couple of

weeks...nope, not with a nada :-(

Jackie

I didn't have a name for my Mother's problems when my son was born (other

than the very general term " nuckin fut " ) but bc of her instability, rages

and cruel remarks, I told my mother she could not come for his birth. Yes,

this was an extremely awkward conversation, but I did not want the focus of

that magical time to be on mother and on trying to guage when she might

" blow. " my husband and I are pretty much on our own and that was hard. It

still hurts that I had to be on my own with my son before he was a week old

after nearly 24 hours of active labor and nearly 4 hours in the delivery

room and what my doctor called a " blowout " birth and no mom to be there. I

didn't even expect sympathy from her bc she actually once told me (when she

was angry about something I wouldn't do) " Dont expect any sympathy from me

when you have a baby! I won't listen and I won't help! " My husband owns his

own business and in this economy... He was there more than we could afford,

but I was devastated not to have the motherly help, comfort, and presence

all my friends received. (My MIL is deceased.) I just don't trust her to

hold it together and to focus on what is important - and she's so sensitive

that if I don't do everything her way she comes unglued. So I don't really

think I'm traumatized per se, but it is a lingering disappointment that I am

so sad had to become part of my reality.