dysfunctional sibling?

[Guest guest]

I had never directly attributed my brother's dysfunction to nada's behavior

until someone alluded to her brother who sounded quite similar. I am now

wondering how much of his personality is actually due to her craziness!

My brother is almost 30 years old and has never had a job in his life. He lived

45 min away from home for a few years but has recently moved back in. Even when

he lived away from home he called my nada several times a day and she would

visit several times a week. She also did his laundry, cleaning, and cooking so

he still hasn't developed those skills.

He used to have friends in middle school but had even fewer in high school.

Growing up, my nada tried to force us to cheat by getting last year's quizzes

and tests and I always refused. My brother complied though, and I'm not sure if

that made him think cheating was ok. He and his last friend separated in college

when my brother cheated off of him and they both got in trouble.

He is the golden child and is spoiled rotten- when he visited me, my filtered

water wasn't good enough for him and I had to go buy a case of bottled water for

him to drink.

He fits the hermit description a lot in Understanding the Borderline Mother. He

has many paranoid tendencies and often thinks people are following him when he

drives.

My therapist has recently made me realize that my nada is actively trying to

sabotage my brother's and my professional careers so we remain dependent. It

hasn't worked on my end but it completely has on his end. She has forced him

into schooling for many different careers, and soon after he finishes the

application process and starts school she changes her mind and makes him start

the whole process over again for another career.

I also wonder if my brother has bpd because although he's meek, he has tried

explicit manipulation. I think it's a learned behavior from nada and may not be

as consciously manipulative but doesn't realize how inappropriate it is. When I

left the field of medicine he told me my nada was going to kill herself if I

didn't return to training and that I should return to save the family.

He also maybe gaslights? I feel like he has severe memory damage- when I ask him

what he did that day he has to check his notes to remember.

Here are the many diagnoses I have wondered about over the years: ADHD,

asperger's, paranoid schizophrenia, BPD.

Have any of you had similar experiences with your siblings??