meeting BP over and over again (Re: learning about normal life)

[Guest guest]

WTH, I'm with you on the whole idea of attracting BPs.

They thrive on our placations, because they know they can pretty much do

whatever and we'd bend over backwards to make peace.

I'm learning, and it's slow. Yesterday, I got so irate that another manager was

trying to bully one of my colleagues to try to extort a watch (you can't make

this crap up) that I made up some " rules of non-engagement " for these people.

Wanna hear em?

I take that as a yes. I'm actually quite curious to know what people think.

(big breath) ok, here goes.

Rules of Non-Engagement in the Workplace

--

These are rules for dealing with bullies or people who misues their position of

power (formally or informally) in the workplace. Non-engagement starves problems

before they grow.

1. Go around the problem person whenever possible. If the manager has to sign

for things, find another manager.

2. Communicate as little as possible. If they have information, they will use

it. Cut off any potential sources of ammunition that they can use against you.

3. Bullies bully in private. Take someone with you.

4. Don't immediately agree to anything. If they ask for something from you, say

" Let me think about that/talk to <contact> and get back to you. "

5. Prepare to rebut. Figure out the most negative things they could say about

you and have your calm, confident, convincing rebuttals ready. Rebut with calm

confidence, not hostility. If you are emotionally worked up, this may take some

practice.

6. As much as possible maintain a friendly demeanor. Chat about innocuous topics

like news or weather (not politics or religion). This could cause the other

party to lay down their defenses and give you a heads up about the actions they

are contemplating. " Keep your friends close, your enemies closer. "

7. When the conversation gets heated, redirect it. " Is that so? Hmmm. I'm going

to have to think about that. Not to change the subject, but have you heard... "

<insert innocuous topic>.

8. Don't engage. Head for the bathroom if you have to.

9. Keep your head down and do your job.

10. People embellish. Watch what you say; when in doubt, don't say anything.

Keep a blank facial expression. Assume Big Brother is watching, because office

gossip is pretty much the KGB.

11. Don't believe what you're told. Double check. People who scheme like to

control what people hear of a story. Getting the other side often provides

illumination.

12. When you get a compliment, ask for an email.

13. Keep a log. It will help you remember events as they happened, in the face

of intentional distortions.

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> > Good luck, WTH, and way to go! Please let us know what happens.

> >

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