Re: Life After BPD

[Guest guest]

I read an interesting online article once.... I think it was the near death

experience of someone who was brougth back after a suicide attempt, but anyway,

his philosophy was that when you died, before you could move on to a higher

plane, you had to 'get' what it was you missed in life and that instead of

judgement and condemnation, you received love, acceptance and counseling by

higher spirits. The counseling part was interesting to me. He claimed that in

his near death experience, a spirit being was guiding and counseling him and

showing him where he went wrong.

I know it probably sounds a little 'out there,' but I certainly like that idea

more than thinking my mom went to hell or is in some way suffering for the

things she did. She did some really bad things, but I try to remember she was

sick. If there is anything I would like her to have realized, it's that she

truly hurt us by being so selfish and by not trying to get help for her own

mental illness.

I obviously have nothing to back this belief....but it sounds plausible, lol.

Life After BPD

For those of us who believe in the soul living on after death, I often wonder

how a BPD feels when they realize the extent of difficulty they have caused

their child, and their childs true feelings towards them...hate tinged with love

and loathing.

Or, are they still BPD...engrained into their soul after this life? And

therefore it is still ALL about them?

I find myself being guilted (already) into worrying about how she will feel when

she passes and finds that she really caused so many problems in my life, just by

being. I don't want to hurt anyone. But, honestly, how else will a soul move on

without recognition of the truth? They were full time care. They thwarted our

personal growth and development at every turn...that would have given

confidence, they hedged up the way.

Maybe, we all affect others in these ways on some level. But, still I wonder. I

love my mother. More, I needed her sincere love, encouragement, and help that

was not there in times of trouble. Because, she could not give it. Doesn't mean

her intensions weren't in place and that it may have meant alot to her to be a

good mother. She just was unable to on so many levels. For that I cry for her.

I know, as a mother, I could not bare to think I'd caused my child harm. Of

course, I'm not BPD. I'm neuro-typical.

[Guest guest]

OK, since we're being " out there " , I was told by a....I'm not really sure what

she calls herself, a spiritual guide something something....that before coming

here I signed a contract. Part of that contract was that I was here to learn a

lesson about suffering and making it through suffering. So really, nada was

just doing her job.

Deanna

>

>

> I read an interesting online article once.... I think it was the near death

experience of someone who was brougth back after a suicide attempt, but anyway,

his philosophy was that when you died, before you could move on to a higher

plane, you had to 'get' what it was you missed in life and that instead of

judgement and condemnation, you received love, acceptance and counseling by

higher spirits. The counseling part was interesting to me. He claimed that in

his near death experience, a spirit being was guiding and counseling him and

showing him where he went wrong.

>

> I know it probably sounds a little 'out there,' but I certainly like that idea

more than thinking my mom went to hell or is in some way suffering for the

things she did. She did some really bad things, but I try to remember she was

sick. If there is anything I would like her to have realized, it's that she

truly hurt us by being so selfish and by not trying to get help for her own

mental illness.

>

> I obviously have nothing to back this belief....but it sounds plausible, lol.

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Life After BPD

>

>

>

>

> For those of us who believe in the soul living on after death, I often wonder

how a BPD feels when they realize the extent of difficulty they have caused

their child, and their childs true feelings towards them...hate tinged with love

and loathing.

>

> Or, are they still BPD...engrained into their soul after this life? And

therefore it is still ALL about them?

>

> I find myself being guilted (already) into worrying about how she will feel

when she passes and finds that she really caused so many problems in my life,

just by being. I don't want to hurt anyone. But, honestly, how else will a soul

move on without recognition of the truth? They were full time care. They

thwarted our personal growth and development at every turn...that would have

given confidence, they hedged up the way.

>

> Maybe, we all affect others in these ways on some level. But, still I wonder.

I love my mother. More, I needed her sincere love, encouragement, and help that

was not there in times of trouble. Because, she could not give it. Doesn't mean

her intensions weren't in place and that it may have meant alot to her to be a

good mother. She just was unable to on so many levels. For that I cry for her.

>

> I know, as a mother, I could not bare to think I'd caused my child harm. Of

course, I'm not BPD. I'm neuro-typical.

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I think about this too sometimes. One theory I've heard from a few different

sources (so it feels likely to be true to me) is that everyone gets a life

review and in that review they get to feel the impact of their actions on

others. Can you imagine what that would be for a nada?

FoC, I've felt similarly about my grandmother wondering how she feels now that

she's in the afterlife to see how my mother and I are together and what the

impact of some of her decisions in raising my mother has had on me. I consulted

a psychic once who gave me very accurate information from others who had passed

on and told me my grandmother was there too wanting to talk. When I asked her

to ask her about my difficulties with my mother the psychic got real quiet and

then said that my grandmother was " still learning " and it was best not to go

there now. So you know I've gotta wonder how bad the thing was that the

psychic picked up that she wouldn't repeat it to me. This was in a few months

after her death so I'd say from that they haven't become enlightened or learned

everything at that point.

My guess on what she said... " you should live near your mother and take care of

her it's a daughters duty and you are a failure as a daughter " That's what she

believed her children owed her and I have little doubt it's what she believed/s

I owe my mother.

That's cheery.

>

> For those of us who believe in the soul living on after death, I often wonder

how a BPD feels when they realize the extent of difficulty they have caused

their child, and their childs true feelings towards them...hate tinged with

love and loathing.

>

> Or, are they still BPD...engrained into their soul after this life? And

therefore it is still ALL about them?

>

> I find myself being guilted (already) into worrying about how she will feel

when she passes and finds that she really caused so many problems in my life,

just by being. I don't want to hurt anyone. But, honestly, how else will a

soul move on without recognition of the truth? They were full time care. They

thwarted our personal growth and development at every turn...that would have

given confidence, they hedged up the way.

>

> Maybe, we all affect others in these ways on some level. But, still I

wonder. I love my mother. More, I needed her sincere love, encouragement,

and help that was not there in times of trouble. Because, she could not give

it. Doesn't mean her intensions weren't in place and that it may have meant

alot to her to be a good mother. She just was unable to on so many levels. For

that I cry for her.

>

> I know, as a mother, I could not bare to think I'd caused my child harm. Of

course, I'm not BPD. I'm neuro-typical.

>

[Guest guest]

I believe about the life review too. I think if you start to get things here in

this life, (realizing your impact on others and accepting responsibility for

actions) it's not as " bad " for you to review.

But, those who never see it, yes, it will be harder. BPD or not.

> >

> > For those of us who believe in the soul living on after death, I often

wonder how a BPD feels when they realize the extent of difficulty they have

caused their child, and their childs true feelings towards them...hate tinged

with love and loathing.

> >

> > Or, are they still BPD...engrained into their soul after this life? And

therefore it is still ALL about them?

> >

> > I find myself being guilted (already) into worrying about how she will feel

when she passes and finds that she really caused so many problems in my life,

just by being. I don't want to hurt anyone. But, honestly, how else will a

soul move on without recognition of the truth? They were full time care. They

thwarted our personal growth and development at every turn...that would have

given confidence, they hedged up the way.

> >

> > Maybe, we all affect others in these ways on some level. But, still I

wonder. I love my mother. More, I needed her sincere love, encouragement,

and help that was not there in times of trouble. Because, she could not give

it. Doesn't mean her intensions weren't in place and that it may have meant

alot to her to be a good mother. She just was unable to on so many levels. For

that I cry for her.

> >

> > I know, as a mother, I could not bare to think I'd caused my child harm.

Of course, I'm not BPD. I'm neuro-typical.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

In a way, I feel that my BPD mom was like a little girl playing house. Her

dolls were real. Though, as long as everything went along like playing, she

did fine. But, if anything that required an adult to participate, she could not

do. Because, she is still in a lower developmental age....I think. That's my

take on BPD parenting.

I also had an experience with a " spiritual leader " concerning my grandmother and

the feeling I got was that she could not move on. Because, of the problems I

was experiencing at what she felt was at her hand...and for the influence she

could have. But, did not choose to have on my life for the better...in regard

to my mother.

>

> For those of us who believe in the soul living on after death, I often wonder

how a BPD feels when they realize the extent of difficulty they have caused

their child, and their childs true feelings towards them...hate tinged with

love and loathing.

>

> Or, are they still BPD...engrained into their soul after this life? And

therefore it is still ALL about them?

>

> I find myself being guilted (already) into worrying about how she will feel

when she passes and finds that she really caused so many problems in my life,

just by being. I don't want to hurt anyone. But, honestly, how else will a

soul move on without recognition of the truth? They were full time care. They

thwarted our personal growth and development at every turn...that would have

given confidence, they hedged up the way.

>

> Maybe, we all affect others in these ways on some level. But, still I

wonder. I love my mother. More, I needed her sincere love, encouragement,

and help that was not there in times of trouble. Because, she could not give

it. Doesn't mean her intensions weren't in place and that it may have meant

alot to her to be a good mother. She just was unable to on so many levels. For

that I cry for her.

>

> I know, as a mother, I could not bare to think I'd caused my child harm. Of

course, I'm not BPD. I'm neuro-typical.

>

[Guest guest]

This is a very interesting topic that I am glad you brought up. I often think to

myself " Does she realize how much damage she has done to me? " How can a parent

tell her child " They don't love you. They don't care for you. I tried but they

said no. " I get upset when someone doesn't WAVE to my niece!! I'm not a parent

yet, so I can't imagine saying that to my nieces.

Being a Christian, I believe that you cannot get into heaven unless you are born

again and accept the Lord Jesus into your life. It does, however, say in the

Bible that before you enter the gates of heaven, you will be called to answer

for all your faults and actions. I agree that everyone will be called to answer

for all their actions. I worry about forgiveness sometimes, but I realize that

forgiveness DOES NOT equate with reconciliation. Forgiveness is something that I

need to do for myself. I refuse to carry all that hatred and bitterness and

sadness around with me. If I don't forgive, that is what I will be doing. She

will answer for her actions, but not to me. She will answer to God.

The one thing I have learned is that if I wait for my nada to validate and/or

acknowledge what she put me through all these years, I will be waiting a long

time because it will NEVER happen. I know the truth and that is all that

matters.

AJ

>

> For those of us who believe in the soul living on after death, I often wonder

how a BPD feels when they realize the extent of difficulty they have caused

their child, and their childs true feelings towards them...hate tinged with

love and loathing.

>

> Or, are they still BPD...engrained into their soul after this life? And

therefore it is still ALL about them?

>

> I find myself being guilted (already) into worrying about how she will feel

when she passes and finds that she really caused so many problems in my life,

just by being. I don't want to hurt anyone. But, honestly, how else will a

soul move on without recognition of the truth? They were full time care. They

thwarted our personal growth and development at every turn...that would have

given confidence, they hedged up the way.

>

> Maybe, we all affect others in these ways on some level. But, still I

wonder. I love my mother. More, I needed her sincere love, encouragement,

and help that was not there in times of trouble. Because, she could not give

it. Doesn't mean her intensions weren't in place and that it may have meant

alot to her to be a good mother. She just was unable to on so many levels. For

that I cry for her.

>

> I know, as a mother, I could not bare to think I'd caused my child harm. Of

course, I'm not BPD. I'm neuro-typical.

>

[Guest guest]

I dont believe they are still BPD after life. I think we are all healed

when we die, so our afterlife is a joy, something to look forward to

Jackie

For those of us who believe in the soul living on after death, I often

wonder how a BPD feels when they realize the extent of difficulty they have

caused their child, and their childs true feelings towards them...hate

tinged with love and loathing.

Or, are they still BPD...engrained into their soul after this life? And

therefore it is still ALL about them?

I find myself being guilted (already) into worrying about how she will feel

when she passes and finds that she really caused so many problems in my

life, just by being. I don't want to hurt anyone. But, honestly, how else

will a soul move on without recognition of the truth? They were full time

care. They thwarted our personal growth and development at every

turn...that would have given confidence, they hedged up the way.

Maybe, we all affect others in these ways on some level. But, still I

wonder. I love my mother. More, I needed her sincere love,

encouragement, and help that was not there in times of trouble. Because,

she could not give it. Doesn't mean her intensions weren't in place and

that it may have meant alot to her to be a good mother. She just was unable

to on so many levels. For that I cry for her.

I know, as a mother, I could not bare to think I'd caused my child harm.

Of course, I'm not BPD. I'm neuro-typical.

[Guest guest]

it does sound like a good way to be in the afterlife :-)

Jackie

I read an interesting online article once.... I think it was the near death

experience of someone who was brougth back after a suicide attempt, but

anyway, his philosophy was that when you died, before you could move on to a

higher plane, you had to 'get' what it was you missed in life and that

instead of judgement and condemnation, you received love, acceptance and

counseling by higher spirits. The counseling part was interesting to me. He

claimed that in his near death experience, a spirit being was guiding and

counseling him and showing him where he went wrong.

I know it probably sounds a little 'out there,' but I certainly like that

idea more than thinking my mom went to hell or is in some way suffering for

the things she did. She did some really bad things, but I try to remember

she was sick. If there is anything I would like her to have realized, it's

that she truly hurt us by being so selfish and by not trying to get help for

her own mental illness.

I obviously have nothing to back this belief....but it sounds plausible,

lol.

[Guest guest]

i agree jackie..

Subject: Re: Life After BPD

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Friday, July 2, 2010, 6:59 AM

 

I dont believe they are still BPD after life. I think we are all healed

when we die, so our afterlife is a joy, something to look forward to

Jackie

For those of us who believe in the soul living on after death, I often

wonder how a BPD feels when they realize the extent of difficulty they have

caused their child, and their childs true feelings towards them...hate

tinged with love and loathing.

Or, are they still BPD...engrained into their soul after this life? And

therefore it is still ALL about them?

I find myself being guilted (already) into worrying about how she will feel

when she passes and finds that she really caused so many problems in my

life, just by being. I don't want to hurt anyone. But, honestly, how else

will a soul move on without recognition of the truth? They were full time

care. They thwarted our personal growth and development at every

turn...that would have given confidence, they hedged up the way.

Maybe, we all affect others in these ways on some level. But, still I

wonder. I love my mother. More, I needed her sincere love,

encouragement, and help that was not there in times of trouble. Because,

she could not give it. Doesn't mean her intensions weren't in place and

that it may have meant alot to her to be a good mother. She just was unable

to on so many levels. For that I cry for her.

I know, as a mother, I could not bare to think I'd caused my child harm.

Of course, I'm not BPD. I'm neuro-typical.