Re: Birth Order...Is the youngest child taken advantage of?

[Guest guest]

I can relate as the baby of the family - always chasing the ever elusive

acceptance when the carrot just keeps getting pulled farther away. Yes, my

brother was given money for a new car, a new roof...the list goes on. I got

taken out to eat when they wanted me to go once in awhile but never thousands of

dollars!

I also had the " dumb one " status. My oldest brother was a gifted musician and

writer, my second brother had a photographic memory and did well at just about

anything...then me, I had to fight even at the start of high school to get out

of remedial classes that I clearly didn't belong in. I found out later, my nada

was responsible for my being put into lower classes. All I can think is that,

in third grade when we moved from a city with a terrible school system, I had

difficulty memorizing my multiplication figures at the new school. I think she

decided then that I was dumb and acted accordingly. No one took into account

that I was a full year younger than many of my classmates (Oct. birthday).

I went on to college and received A's in many really hard classes (calculus,

physics...) but I still struggle with thinking I am smart enough. But I have a

friend who is a physician and when I talk with her, except that she has

extraordinary memory, I don't think she is all that much smarter than I am. I

have some pretty good problem solving skills - hell, we all problem solved how

to survive under the rule of a nada!

I think everyone has some birth-order roles but nadas, like everything, use and

abuse those roles for their own needs. I hope to be a mom who celebrates the

positive birth-order traits of my kids but most importantly I love and protect

them.

patinage

>

> I had an ah ha moment today while checking on my dementiad Nada (not the

mama).

>

> For the fourth time this morning, she made a negative comment about someone

and added that, " They must have been the baby of the family...spoiled, didn't

amount to anything, and all that. "

>

> Well, guess what? I was the baby of the family. I am also the one that picked

up all her pieces, kept the family going, took care of my dad for her after his

brain surgery, took care of her when she was sick, helped her after the death of

her mother. And even then, I found out years later that she had divided her

> mothers inheritance and given it all to my nc brother and sister. I had gotten

nothing! Is that her idea of controlling who amounts to " nothing " in the family?

>

> Oh, I take it back...I got to " borrow " grandmas' old bed frame and

> dresser because I was getting married and needed a bed. Let me guess she felt

guilty like she should buy us one and so opted to give us one used.

>

> I was not allowed the money...because heaven forbid, I was the baby and might

end up in the end with more than anyone else. I don't see how that math adds up

anywhere.

>

> Over the years, with each death of a family member, I've watched my

> siblings build larger and better homes, and drive better cars, and travel

around the world ...moving up financially in

> life. While, I was given no help whatsoever. And in fact, the 9,000.oo

dollars put aside for my down payment on a home was given wo my sister at the

last moment. Because, she needed it & after all the baby might get more than

her. " Oh, well. That's too bad. " my mom said & gave it to someone who had

already had help in purchasing three homes.

>

> I don't know why I didn't leave the family, long ago, out of respect for

myself.

>

> I had just been raised to believe all of my life, that I had no value and thus

did not deserve what the others got. I was flawed because my birth father was

not theirs and he loved me (possibly a little more than the children my mother

had with another man) and

> because I was the youngest. Well, they couldn't make a mistake of spoiling me.

>

> All I can say is What IDIOTS! And what Ingrates for all the work I have done

for their family.

>

[Guest guest]

Yep! I was the " Dumb and Ugly " little sister who just didn't have enough

brains. Maybe, you and I should have left home and gone to see the wizard long

ago.

Turns out, I had the highest IQ in my college class. And I dare say, higher

than either of theirs. But, the difference being that I was kind, not

manipulative, and ill prepared for what I'd have to deal with chasing the

" carrot " and love that I was told of that was not really there!

> >

> > I had an ah ha moment today while checking on my dementiad Nada (not the

mama).

> >

> > For the fourth time this morning, she made a negative comment about someone

and added that, " They must have been the baby of the family...spoiled, didn't

amount to anything, and all that. "

> >

> > Well, guess what? I was the baby of the family. I am also the one that

picked up all her pieces, kept the family going, took care of my dad for her

after his brain surgery, took care of her when she was sick, helped her after

the death of her mother. And even then, I found out years later that she had

divided her

> > mothers inheritance and given it all to my nc brother and sister. I had

gotten nothing! Is that her idea of controlling who amounts to " nothing " in the

family?

> >

> > Oh, I take it back...I got to " borrow " grandmas' old bed frame and

> > dresser because I was getting married and needed a bed. Let me guess she

felt guilty like she should buy us one and so opted to give us one used.

> >

> > I was not allowed the money...because heaven forbid, I was the baby and

might end up in the end with more than anyone else. I don't see how that math

adds up anywhere.

> >

> > Over the years, with each death of a family member, I've watched my

> > siblings build larger and better homes, and drive better cars, and travel

around the world ...moving up financially in

> > life. While, I was given no help whatsoever. And in fact, the 9,000.oo

dollars put aside for my down payment on a home was given wo my sister at the

last moment. Because, she needed it & after all the baby might get more than

her. " Oh, well. That's too bad. " my mom said & gave it to someone who had

already had help in purchasing three homes.

> >

> > I don't know why I didn't leave the family, long ago, out of respect for

myself.

> >

> > I had just been raised to believe all of my life, that I had no value and

thus did not deserve what the others got. I was flawed because my birth father

was not theirs and he loved me (possibly a little more than the children my

mother had with another man) and

> > because I was the youngest. Well, they couldn't make a mistake of spoiling

me.

> >

> > All I can say is What IDIOTS! And what Ingrates for all the work I have done

for their family.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

same here...it's like because I was the youngest, nada did everything she

could to make SURE I was no spoiled ( that was HER position in the family) I

got hand-me-downs...never anything new and my very own...my older siblings

got much more in way of money and material things then I ever did. My

sister gets a 2 year old car, the parents gave me a 9 year old beat up car

that had been recalled...my siblins all got money, I didn't get a dime

Jackie

I can relate as the baby of the family - always chasing the ever elusive

acceptance when the carrot just keeps getting pulled farther away. Yes, my

brother was given money for a new car, a new roof...the list goes on. I got

taken out to eat when they wanted me to go once in awhile but never

thousands of dollars!

I also had the " dumb one " status. My oldest brother was a gifted musician

and writer, my second brother had a photographic memory and did well at just

about anything...then me, I had to fight even at the start of high school to

get out of remedial classes that I clearly didn't belong in. I found out

later, my nada was responsible for my being put into lower classes. All I

can think is that, in third grade when we moved from a city with a terrible

school system, I had difficulty memorizing my multiplication figures at the

new school. I think she decided then that I was dumb and acted accordingly.

No one took into account that I was a full year younger than many of my

classmates (Oct. birthday).

I went on to college and received A's in many really hard classes (calculus,

physics...) but I still struggle with thinking I am smart enough. But I

have a friend who is a physician and when I talk with her, except that she

has extraordinary memory, I don't think she is all that much smarter than I

am. I have some pretty good problem solving skills - hell, we all problem

solved how to survive under the rule of a nada!

I think everyone has some birth-order roles but nadas, like everything, use

and abuse those roles for their own needs. I hope to be a mom who

celebrates the positive birth-order traits of my kids but most importantly I

love and protect them.

patinage