our upcoming visit to Oz

[Guest guest]

I've not been to the Emerald City in awhile (that is really where my

folks live too!)... and the day we travel is just four weeks away now.

28 days and counting...

My nada (L) does not yet know we are planning to visit the area, and

there is no way I am going to tell her very far in advance of our

plans, nor give her much of a whisper of our itinerary. I do tend to

have a difficult time not telling the truth, frankly, so I have been

strategizing some as to how to communicate and trying to discern just

when I *should* communicate with her.

One thing I am glad about is that L is not calling me much these days,

and I no longer send pointed letters, or letters of any kind.

I know that this lack of contact is one reason I am actually more open

to a visit. Well really I want to see my dad. Married over 50 years,

and joined at the hip, it is a package deal, so I have to " put up "

with my mom, too. That said, right now our family of three (DH, son

and I) has decided we can put up with L and her sidekick for just a

few hours. Like for lunch one day and (if all goes really well and

nice) dinner (on another day), or a visit to the zoo. I am praying

for the right *possibility* (for US) to be in my mind when I finally

do call her.

I picture us seeing nada on the mainland, just before going to see

my bro or on a mainland sidetrip a day (more likely two, so we can

recover if she becomes too wild and weird) before we head home.

I'm thinking to call her the day we fly (from my cell phone), and just

let her know that we will be in the area, that we'd like to visit with

them for dinner, and tell them the dates that will work best for us

and let her consider those dates, before our next phone call. Then, as

it is my cell, I can pretend I am still at home, but very busy in

traffic (can I get back to you the day after tomorrow... or.......?)

Then as we get a few days away, I'd stay on the phone long enough for

them to give me the date that works... I'm thinking to have them

choose the spot to meet, too (with a few suggestions as parameters: I

think I have decided not to try to micromanage as the area is quite

unfamiliar to me as I've not visited in 16 years).... suggest that it

be near the zoo or the ferry (so that if they are very late, we can

just change the venue and take care of ourselves)... but otherwise let

go of expectations. We will not be under any obligation to stay with

them, and I will not alter our plans to meet up with them;

We've known we were going for almost six months now, and have planned

our trip around my husband's family and my brother's; my brother lives

on an island that my nada has yet to visit; she is afraid of ferries?

I am not into having a lot of control over events, I really like to be

spontaneous. But to be too open-ended with my nada, means she will

think she is supposed to be in control and the visit is about HER (no

boundaries!)... Yuck. That is one reason, I won't tell her the date

we fly in (even though I will call on that date)... I will tell her

when we will be coming in the east side of their state (Washington)

and I will tell her when we fly home. I will " act as if " we are just

popping in from Eastern Washington where we will be showing our son

the Paloose...Actually, we'll spend most of the first half our time in

another western state, several hours away. We'll stay four days with

my bro, who she doesn't seem to act jealous of (thank God)..

If I communicate to her that we are spending any time with folks,

other than my bro and his family, she will turn into a peevish

person. And act like she does not want to see us at all. Another

reason, I decided long ago not to announce our coming , including them

in our plans and make our plans known at all.... so as to avoid

dealing with my mom yo-yoing around for months, trying to be more

important than other folks we might be seeing.

Oh life with nada... I am so used to her expecting to know all

details, I am also a person who likes being honest.. but have learned

that even normal people don't need to know all my dealings... yet with

nada.. I never know if she is going to ask one of those questions that

will make " Honest Vicki " cringe at, or " admit " something that will end

up biting me in the nose...

Ah the tangled webs we weave, when we (have to) practice to

deceive.... Ah nada!!!

The visit with her will be so short, that I wonder why I have to twist

myself in a pretzel at all?Guess it is the fear, obligation and guilt

and knowing that if my nada knew how short her leash was, compared to

other family members, she would bite~

I thought I'd better check in here for some input over the coming

weeks.