Re: Do they really kick us when we're down?

[Guest guest]

Yes, they kick us when we are down. When we are down, it seems to exacerbate

their sadistic tendencies. They see our weakness as a greater opportunity to

control us (the weaker the prey, the easier it is to manipulate) and they can't

stand it when the attention points away from THEM!

Welcome to our group! You are among friends here.

If there's one thing I've learned, there really isn't any such a thing as

" reading too much into her behavior. " If it smells bad to you, rest assured

there is something stinky going on. No matter how shocking or bizarre your

suspicions.

Hope that helps--

Blessings,

Karla

>

> I'm still fairly new to this whole BPD parent idea. It's only been a few

months since a counselor pointed me in this direction, that my mom is like this.

I'm still trying to find out what is part of her BPD and what is me reading too

much into her behavior.

>

> Does it seem like when things are going wrong for you, the parent ramps up the

drama and demands a bit more?

>

> I've been sick for the past week and feel crummy. My nada keeps calling to see

how I am. Sounds nice, right? Except she starts by saying she wants to know how

I am then goes right into a long tirade about how much pain she's in, how

horrible her life is going. Has to list every little thing she's done around the

house. I'm sitting there with a lot of sinus pressure and coughing up my

toenails :-) but she keeps on going. Yesterday she called twice. The second time

she was in a tizzy because her garden hose sprung a tiny leak. She acted all

helpless: should she call the water company? Could I call them for her? She was

too weak to turn off the water all the way. What is she going to do? Will it

destroy the foundation of her house?

>

> True, I'm exactly dying here but I didn't need to hear that. She turns the

water on and off all the time when she cleans the doggie yard. Now she's too

weak?

>

> Or the time I had to go to ER and she got royally angry because I couldn't be

there to pick up her dog from the vet.

>

> Or when my Dad was dying and she decided she needed to go to ER because she

was having a heart attack. Or all the other times she's called in the middle of

the night and wanted us to take her to ER because she was dying. The last time

she did that, we got smart and told her to call 9-1-1 because we live 30 minutes

away. But we still had to disrupt our work day and call for subs and spend hours

(wasted) at the hospital.

>

> OK, I know I'm getting wound up here and just venting. But you get the idea. I

could go on and on about her putting pressure on us when we're already having

problems of our own. I suppose this is just part of the BPD and I'm not

imagining this? To be honest, we don't tell her anything any more about our

life. If we tell her we're going to be doing something nice like a musical

downtown or go to the beach for the day, 9 times out of 10 she'll come up with a

catastrophe to mess it up. I don't tell her about any health problems either

because she'll blab it all to strangers at the mall to get attention. Blecch.

>

> irene

>

[Guest guest]

Yes, yes, yes, I believe they kick us when we're down. They

aren't particularly capable of feeling sorry that someone else

is having a bad time. Not only that, if whatever it is

interferes with what they want from us, then we're causing

problems for them and thus need to be kicked. Apart from that,

it is often like a contest with them, where if we are suffering,

they need to show that they're suffering even more. Letting our

problems upstage their problems is just not to be allowed.

I almost never tell my nada about what's going on in my life,

good or bad. I feel much safer when she doesn't know about

anything she could use to cause problems for me.

At 10:17 AM 07/01/2010 IreneM wrote:

>I'm still fairly new to this whole BPD parent idea. It's only

>been a few months since a counselor pointed me in this

>direction, that my mom is like this. I'm still trying to find

>out what is part of her BPD and what is me reading too much

>into her behavior.

>

>Does it seem like when things are going wrong for you, the

>parent ramps up the drama and demands a bit more?

>

>I've been sick for the past week and feel crummy. My nada keeps

>calling to see how I am. Sounds nice, right? Except she starts

>by saying she wants to know how I am then goes right into a

>long tirade about how much pain she's in, how horrible her life

>is going. Has to list every little thing she's done around the

>house. I'm sitting there with a lot of sinus pressure and

>coughing up my toenails :-) but she keeps on going. Yesterday

>she called twice. The second time she was in a tizzy because

>her garden hose sprung a tiny leak. She acted all helpless:

>should she call the water company? Could I call them for her?

>She was too weak to turn off the water all the way. What is she

>going to do? Will it destroy the foundation of her house?

>

>True, I'm exactly dying here but I didn't need to hear that.

>She turns the water on and off all the time when she cleans the

>doggie yard. Now she's too weak?

>

>Or the time I had to go to ER and she got royally angry because

>I couldn't be there to pick up her dog from the vet.

>

>Or when my Dad was dying and she decided she needed to go to ER

>because she was having a heart attack. Or all the other times

>she's called in the middle of the night and wanted us to take

>her to ER because she was dying. The last time she did that, we

>got smart and told her to call 9-1-1 because we live 30 minutes

>away. But we still had to disrupt our work day and call for

>subs and spend hours (wasted) at the hospital.

>

>OK, I know I'm getting wound up here and just venting. But you

>get the idea. I could go on and on about her putting pressure

>on us when we're already having problems of our own. I suppose

>this is just part of the BPD and I'm not imagining this? To be

>honest, we don't tell her anything any more about our life. If

>we tell her we're going to be doing something nice like a

>musical downtown or go to the beach for the day, 9 times out of

>10 she'll come up with a catastrophe to mess it up. I don't

>tell her about any health problems either because she'll blab

>it all to strangers at the mall to get attention. Blecch.

>

>irene

--

Katrina

[Guest guest]

I think they just can't stand for the attention to be on someone else so they

have to find dramatic ways to make everything about THEM. It's crazy making

behavior.

From a psychological point of view, I think it's one of the core issues of BPD.

People with BPD don't experience life like normal people. Life for them revolves

around them and has to be all about them at all times or they have meltdowns. If

they don't get what they want when they want it, they hop the drama up a notch

and do things like feign major illness (ie, having a heart attack when your dad

is ill).

My mother was always sicker than anyone else or more depressed than anyone else

anyway.

If she had a cold, she was DYING and nobody gave a sh**. If she had to have

surgery (one time in her whole life that I remember), she laid on the couch FOR

MONTHS afterward and then claimed pain in that area so bad for YEARS that she

couldn't drive, cook dinner, do the dishes or anything else. It was

ri.dic.u.lous. She simply had a benign fibroid removed from her breast and all

of this crazy drama ensued for years afterward.

Although a lot of our BPD parents are on a spectrum of different issues, I think

most everyone had the drama queen at some point.

Do they really kick us when we're down?

I'm still fairly new to this whole BPD parent idea. It's only been a few months

since a counselor pointed me in this direction, that my mom is like this. I'm

still trying to find out what is part of her BPD and what is me reading too much

into her behavior.

Does it seem like when things are going wrong for you, the parent ramps up the

drama and demands a bit more?

I've been sick for the past week and feel crummy. My nada keeps calling to see

how I am. Sounds nice, right? Except she starts by saying she wants to know how

I am then goes right into a long tirade about how much pain she's in, how

horrible her life is going. Has to list every little thing she's done around the

house. I'm sitting there with a lot of sinus pressure and coughing up my

toenails :-) but she keeps on going. Yesterday she called twice. The second time

she was in a tizzy because her garden hose sprung a tiny leak. She acted all

helpless: should she call the water company? Could I call them for her? She was

too weak to turn off the water all the way. What is she going to do? Will it

destroy the foundation of her house?

True, I'm exactly dying here but I didn't need to hear that. She turns the water

on and off all the time when she cleans the doggie yard. Now she's too weak?

Or the time I had to go to ER and she got royally angry because I couldn't be

there to pick up her dog from the vet.

Or when my Dad was dying and she decided she needed to go to ER because she was

having a heart attack. Or all the other times she's called in the middle of the

night and wanted us to take her to ER because she was dying. The last time she

did that, we got smart and told her to call 9-1-1 because we live 30 minutes

away. But we still had to disrupt our work day and call for subs and spend hours

(wasted) at the hospital.

OK, I know I'm getting wound up here and just venting. But you get the idea. I

could go on and on about her putting pressure on us when we're already having

problems of our own. I suppose this is just part of the BPD and I'm not

imagining this? To be honest, we don't tell her anything any more about our

life. If we tell her we're going to be doing something nice like a musical

downtown or go to the beach for the day, 9 times out of 10 she'll come up with a

catastrophe to mess it up. I don't tell her about any health problems either

because she'll blab it all to strangers at the mall to get attention. Blecch.

irene

[Guest guest]

A few examples of how my nada has kicked me when I am down:

1. Whenever something happens, she takes my worst fear and points it out to me.

For ex: I broke up with a long term boyfriend and she said, " Gee Mozz, you have

had so many men fall in love with you, aren't you afraid you are running out of

chances? " Yeah thanks nada, that's EXACTLY what I was afraid of and thanks for

validating it. Don't congratulate me on refusing to settle or try to comfort my

broken heart in any way.

2. When my 1st love died, she was mad at me for not being there enough for HER.

Umm... wasn't it MY BF who died?

3. HOURS after I gave birth to my 1st child, she didn't ask me how I felt, but

immediatley launched into her cancer, which we talked about every day all day.

So yeah, they kick you when you are down, and when you are up. They just kick

you, period. Sorry to sound bitter- I am having a rough day. But welcome to the

group- I have found much solace here.

>

> I'm still fairly new to this whole BPD parent idea. It's only been a few

months since a counselor pointed me in this direction, that my mom is like this.

I'm still trying to find out what is part of her BPD and what is me reading too

much into her behavior.

>

> Does it seem like when things are going wrong for you, the parent ramps up the

drama and demands a bit more?

>

> I've been sick for the past week and feel crummy. My nada keeps calling to see

how I am. Sounds nice, right? Except she starts by saying she wants to know how

I am then goes right into a long tirade about how much pain she's in, how

horrible her life is going. Has to list every little thing she's done around the

house. I'm sitting there with a lot of sinus pressure and coughing up my

toenails :-) but she keeps on going. Yesterday she called twice. The second time

she was in a tizzy because her garden hose sprung a tiny leak. She acted all

helpless: should she call the water company? Could I call them for her? She was

too weak to turn off the water all the way. What is she going to do? Will it

destroy the foundation of her house?

>

> True, I'm exactly dying here but I didn't need to hear that. She turns the

water on and off all the time when she cleans the doggie yard. Now she's too

weak?

>

> Or the time I had to go to ER and she got royally angry because I couldn't be

there to pick up her dog from the vet.

>

> Or when my Dad was dying and she decided she needed to go to ER because she

was having a heart attack. Or all the other times she's called in the middle of

the night and wanted us to take her to ER because she was dying. The last time

she did that, we got smart and told her to call 9-1-1 because we live 30 minutes

away. But we still had to disrupt our work day and call for subs and spend hours

(wasted) at the hospital.

>

> OK, I know I'm getting wound up here and just venting. But you get the idea. I

could go on and on about her putting pressure on us when we're already having

problems of our own. I suppose this is just part of the BPD and I'm not

imagining this? To be honest, we don't tell her anything any more about our

life. If we tell her we're going to be doing something nice like a musical

downtown or go to the beach for the day, 9 times out of 10 she'll come up with a

catastrophe to mess it up. I don't tell her about any health problems either

because she'll blab it all to strangers at the mall to get attention. Blecch.

>

> irene

>

[Guest guest]

I agree that they aren't capable of feeling bad for other people. Maybe not all

BPDs are like this, but I think most are. Even when my mother seemed to have an

ounce of care about me, it always had to somehow benefit her. Almost like some

sort of jacked up form of Muchaeusen Syndrome (I'm sure that spelling is way

off. I haven't had a lot of sleep). If I had an issue, whether it be medical or

involved one of my kids' health or my husband's health (he has Crohn's Disease)

or something, my mother had to make it all about how much SHE worried and SHE

stressed over it.

I remember that my son was once having major back surgery at 2 years old to stop

his scoliosis and I was pretty much a basket case worrying about him and she

started laughing at me and said, " What in the world do you have to be stressed

about? You should live my life for a day! "

I was completely speechless.

Re: Do they really kick us when we're down?

Yes, yes, yes, I believe they kick us when we're down. They

aren't particularly capable of feeling sorry that someone else

is having a bad time. Not only that, if whatever it is

interferes with what they want from us, then we're causing

problems for them and thus need to be kicked. Apart from that,

it is often like a contest with them, where if we are suffering,

they need to show that they're suffering even more. Letting our

problems upstage their problems is just not to be allowed.

I almost never tell my nada about what's going on in my life,

good or bad. I feel much safer when she doesn't know about

anything she could use to cause problems for me.

At 10:17 AM 07/01/2010 IreneM wrote:

>I'm still fairly new to this whole BPD parent idea. It's only

>been a few months since a counselor pointed me in this

>direction, that my mom is like this. I'm still trying to find

>out what is part of her BPD and what is me reading too much

>into her behavior.

>

>Does it seem like when things are going wrong for you, the

>parent ramps up the drama and demands a bit more?

>

>I've been sick for the past week and feel crummy. My nada keeps

>calling to see how I am. Sounds nice, right? Except she starts

>by saying she wants to know how I am then goes right into a

>long tirade about how much pain she's in, how horrible her life

>is going. Has to list every little thing she's done around the

>house. I'm sitting there with a lot of sinus pressure and

>coughing up my toenails :-) but she keeps on going. Yesterday

>she called twice. The second time she was in a tizzy because

>her garden hose sprung a tiny leak. She acted all helpless:

>should she call the water company? Could I call them for her?

>She was too weak to turn off the water all the way. What is she

>going to do? Will it destroy the foundation of her house?

>

>True, I'm exactly dying here but I didn't need to hear that.

>She turns the water on and off all the time when she cleans the

>doggie yard. Now she's too weak?

>

>Or the time I had to go to ER and she got royally angry because

>I couldn't be there to pick up her dog from the vet.

>

>Or when my Dad was dying and she decided she needed to go to ER

>because she was having a heart attack. Or all the other times

>she's called in the middle of the night and wanted us to take

>her to ER because she was dying. The last time she did that, we

>got smart and told her to call 9-1-1 because we live 30 minutes

>away. But we still had to disrupt our work day and call for

>subs and spend hours (wasted) at the hospital.

>

>OK, I know I'm getting wound up here and just venting. But you

>get the idea. I could go on and on about her putting pressure

>on us when we're already having problems of our own. I suppose

>this is just part of the BPD and I'm not imagining this? To be

>honest, we don't tell her anything any more about our life. If

>we tell her we're going to be doing something nice like a

>musical downtown or go to the beach for the day, 9 times out of

>10 she'll come up with a catastrophe to mess it up. I don't

>tell her about any health problems either because she'll blab

>it all to strangers at the mall to get attention. Blecch.

>

>irene

--

Katrina

[Guest guest]

I think BPD parents, especially mothers, have a hard time accepting us having

boyfriends or husbands. My mother got way over involved in any relationship I

ever had with a guy. She would try to go off behind my back and have a

relationship of her own with him. It was just weird...and the guy always knew

it. My present husband is the only man that ever actually looked at me and said,

" your mother is wacked, but I love you! " Every other man I was with left me

within a few months usually. I even had one guy I was dating tell me that my

mother scared the hell out of him!!

And your story about how your mom talked about herself after your delivery

reminded me that my mother just had to get out of the hospital when I had my son

because the hospital was too cold and her feet were swelling...lol. I wouldn't

care if I was on my deathbed, I will be there when my daughter has her first

child.

Re: Do they really kick us when we're down?

A few examples of how my nada has kicked me when I am down:

1. Whenever something happens, she takes my worst fear and points it out to me.

For ex: I broke up with a long term boyfriend and she said, " Gee Mozz, you have

had so many men fall in love with you, aren't you afraid you are running out of

chances? " Yeah thanks nada, that's EXACTLY what I was afraid of and thanks for

validating it. Don't congratulate me on refusing to settle or try to comfort my

broken heart in any way.

2. When my 1st love died, she was mad at me for not being there enough for HER.

Umm... wasn't it MY BF who died?

3. HOURS after I gave birth to my 1st child, she didn't ask me how I felt, but

immediatley launched into her cancer, which we talked about every day all day.

So yeah, they kick you when you are down, and when you are up. They just kick

you, period. Sorry to sound bitter- I am having a rough day. But welcome to the

group- I have found much solace here.

>

> I'm still fairly new to this whole BPD parent idea. It's only been a few

months since a counselor pointed me in this direction, that my mom is like this.

I'm still trying to find out what is part of her BPD and what is me reading too

much into her behavior.

>

> Does it seem like when things are going wrong for you, the parent ramps up the

drama and demands a bit more?

>

> I've been sick for the past week and feel crummy. My nada keeps calling to see

how I am. Sounds nice, right? Except she starts by saying she wants to know how

I am then goes right into a long tirade about how much pain she's in, how

horrible her life is going. Has to list every little thing she's done around the

house. I'm sitting there with a lot of sinus pressure and coughing up my

toenails :-) but she keeps on going. Yesterday she called twice. The second time

she was in a tizzy because her garden hose sprung a tiny leak. She acted all

helpless: should she call the water company? Could I call them for her? She was

too weak to turn off the water all the way. What is she going to do? Will it

destroy the foundation of her house?

>

> True, I'm exactly dying here but I didn't need to hear that. She turns the

water on and off all the time when she cleans the doggie yard. Now she's too

weak?

>

> Or the time I had to go to ER and she got royally angry because I couldn't be

there to pick up her dog from the vet.

>

> Or when my Dad was dying and she decided she needed to go to ER because she

was having a heart attack. Or all the other times she's called in the middle of

the night and wanted us to take her to ER because she was dying. The last time

she did that, we got smart and told her to call 9-1-1 because we live 30 minutes

away. But we still had to disrupt our work day and call for subs and spend hours

(wasted) at the hospital.

>

> OK, I know I'm getting wound up here and just venting. But you get the idea. I

could go on and on about her putting pressure on us when we're already having

problems of our own. I suppose this is just part of the BPD and I'm not

imagining this? To be honest, we don't tell her anything any more about our

life. If we tell her we're going to be doing something nice like a musical

downtown or go to the beach for the day, 9 times out of 10 she'll come up with a

catastrophe to mess it up. I don't tell her about any health problems either

because she'll blab it all to strangers at the mall to get attention. Blecch.

>

> irene

>

[Guest guest]

Yes, I think your observations are accurate. I think this attention-grabbing

behavior is due to the narcissistic component of their personality disorder,

they need the attention focused on themselves at all times. And the tendency to

pour salt on a wound is creepy but I've experienced that from my bpd/npd nada

( " not-a-mom " ) also.

The more you read about bpd, the more you'll be able to tell what is part of the

disorder and what may be unique to your mother's individual personality. I

recommend the book " Understanding The Borderline Mother " that breaks down bpd

behaviors into sub-types. I think my mother was a Witch/Queen when I was

growing up, but now she's added Waif in the mix too.

A Witch is a person with bpd + antisocial pd,

a Queen is bpd + narcissistic pd,

a Waif is bpd + dependent pd, and

a Hermit is bpd + avoidant pd.

-Annie

>

> I'm still fairly new to this whole BPD parent idea. It's only been a few

months since a counselor pointed me in this direction, that my mom is like this.

I'm still trying to find out what is part of her BPD and what is me reading too

much into her behavior.

>

> Does it seem like when things are going wrong for you, the parent ramps up the

drama and demands a bit more?

>

> I've been sick for the past week and feel crummy. My nada keeps calling to see

how I am. Sounds nice, right? Except she starts by saying she wants to know how

I am then goes right into a long tirade about how much pain she's in, how

horrible her life is going. Has to list every little thing she's done around the

house. I'm sitting there with a lot of sinus pressure and coughing up my

toenails :-) but she keeps on going. Yesterday she called twice. The second time

she was in a tizzy because her garden hose sprung a tiny leak. She acted all

helpless: should she call the water company? Could I call them for her? She was

too weak to turn off the water all the way. What is she going to do? Will it

destroy the foundation of her house?

>

> True, I'm exactly dying here but I didn't need to hear that. She turns the

water on and off all the time when she cleans the doggie yard. Now she's too

weak?

>

> Or the time I had to go to ER and she got royally angry because I couldn't be

there to pick up her dog from the vet.

>

> Or when my Dad was dying and she decided she needed to go to ER because she

was having a heart attack. Or all the other times she's called in the middle of

the night and wanted us to take her to ER because she was dying. The last time

she did that, we got smart and told her to call 9-1-1 because we live 30 minutes

away. But we still had to disrupt our work day and call for subs and spend hours

(wasted) at the hospital.

>

> OK, I know I'm getting wound up here and just venting. But you get the idea. I

could go on and on about her putting pressure on us when we're already having

problems of our own. I suppose this is just part of the BPD and I'm not

imagining this? To be honest, we don't tell her anything any more about our

life. If we tell her we're going to be doing something nice like a musical

downtown or go to the beach for the day, 9 times out of 10 she'll come up with a

catastrophe to mess it up. I don't tell her about any health problems either

because she'll blab it all to strangers at the mall to get attention. Blecch.

>

> irene

>

[Guest guest]

" To be honest, we don't tell her anything any more about our

life. If we tell her we're going to be doing something nice like a musical

downtown or go to the beach for the day, 9 times out of 10 she'll come up with a

catastrophe to mess it up. I don't tell her about any health problems either

because she'll blab it all to strangers at the mall to get attention. Blecch. "

Hahaha....yep that's her to a t. My mom does the same stuff and I wish that I'd

have learned early in my life not to share anything of importance with her. The

second that something means the world to me and I am the least bit excited about

it, she'll do her darndest to make it hell for me, to stop it from happening

for me, or see that I don't show up. Because, of some family drama. At the

last possible moment as I'm getting ready to go, she will show up with some

catastrophe and have me in tears. I hate her for it. She never wanted me to

succeed at the things that mattered to me.

This caused me such pain over the years, not understanding why I had to fail at

something to keep her livable as my mother.

When I began to have middle age spread she would introduce me as her fat

daughter, the one who tries really hard. At that I refused to go anywhere with

her. It was maddening.

>

> I'm still fairly new to this whole BPD parent idea. It's only been a few

months since a counselor pointed me in this direction, that my mom is like this.

I'm still trying to find out what is part of her BPD and what is me reading too

much into her behavior.

>

> Does it seem like when things are going wrong for you, the parent ramps up the

drama and demands a bit more?

>

> I've been sick for the past week and feel crummy. My nada keeps calling to see

how I am. Sounds nice, right? Except she starts by saying she wants to know how

I am then goes right into a long tirade about how much pain she's in, how

horrible her life is going. Has to list every little thing she's done around the

house. I'm sitting there with a lot of sinus pressure and coughing up my

toenails :-) but she keeps on going. Yesterday she called twice. The second time

she was in a tizzy because her garden hose sprung a tiny leak. She acted all

helpless: should she call the water company? Could I call them for her? She was

too weak to turn off the water all the way. What is she going to do? Will it

destroy the foundation of her house?

>

> True, I'm exactly dying here but I didn't need to hear that. She turns the

water on and off all the time when she cleans the doggie yard. Now she's too

weak?

>

> Or the time I had to go to ER and she got royally angry because I couldn't be

there to pick up her dog from the vet.

>

> Or when my Dad was dying and she decided she needed to go to ER because she

was having a heart attack. Or all the other times she's called in the middle of

the night and wanted us to take her to ER because she was dying. The last time

she did that, we got smart and told her to call 9-1-1 because we live 30 minutes

away. But we still had to disrupt our work day and call for subs and spend hours

(wasted) at the hospital.

>

> OK, I know I'm getting wound up here and just venting. But you get the idea. I

could go on and on about her putting pressure on us when we're already having

problems of our own. I suppose this is just part of the BPD and I'm not

imagining this? To be honest, we don't tell her anything any more about our

life. If we tell her we're going to be doing something nice like a musical

downtown or go to the beach for the day, 9 times out of 10 she'll come up with a

catastrophe to mess it up. I don't tell her about any health problems either

because she'll blab it all to strangers at the mall to get attention. Blecch.

>

> irene

>

[Guest guest]

To all: thank you for the feedback. It was helpful and interesting.

Karla: thanks for the encouragement, that " if it smells " , there's probably

something stinky going on. I like that and it made me laugh. Too often I tend to

doubt myself and think I'm being too critical. I want to think the best of

others. But it's hard to have a lot of good thoughts about her. :-)

Katrina: you mention them wanting to " upstage us. " Oh yeah. If I have a cough,

hers is worse; if I have a bruise, she has 5; if I have a heart problem, hers is

ready to stop any moment. More on that later.

Mozzarella: thank you for the welcome. I'm still in the reading mode for the

most part, trying to understand what's been going on in my life for 57 years. It

turns my memories upside down. All these years seeing myself one way, through my

nada's eyes. And now I'm finding out I'm not as bad as I thought. It's been hard

to accept compliments from people because I kept disagreeing with them. Maybe

I'm an OK person after all.

Annie: I'm headed to the library today. I'll look for that book you mentioned.

I've read the eggshells book but more info means more understanding and

strength.

And : my, my, you have a lot of things to say and you're so helpful. You

also mentioned them trying to outdo us in the bad health department. I kept

thinking that maybe she really is sick because she is getting older. I should

respect that and be kind. All these years I've listened to her horror stories

about all the surgeries she's had (why don't I remember any of them?), the 5

battles with cancer (but never had any treatment for it), her " very weak heart

that can give out an any time. " Recently with all her trips to the doctor and

all the testing they've been doing because of her complaints, they haven't found

anything wrong with her. She thinks they're hiding something or haven't found it

yet. No one can be in as much pain as she has and be healthy.

The real clincher was the day she was in ER again. They did all kinds of tests

and the doctor was quite blunt with her: there was no sign of a stroke (her

disease of the day), no sign of any heart problems, past or present, no sign of

cancer and her bone structure was fine. Ever since that trip, she won't allow me

in with her to see the doctor. She used to take me in to be her spokesperson and

handle everything for her. Now she goes in and can tell me whatever she wants

when she comes out. Coincidence? I think not.

I had the same trouble keeping a boyfriend around her. Either she flirted with

them or criticized them to death. Didn't like one because he drove a small car;

another one she didn't like his teeth; another one because he didn't talk

enough. I married that one. LOL My Dad retired and they moved away. I stayed put

and got to date this quiet guy and we got married. Been almost 37 years and he's

terrific. I cringe to think of " what if " she had driven him off and out of my

life. She did shock him though with her talk about her sex life when we were

dating. He still talks to me about that.

Enough of my chattering. Thank you all. I guess I was in a cranky mood and got

carried away with my complaints. Thanks for making me feel normal again. LOL