Guest guest Posted July 2, 2010 Report Share Posted July 2, 2010 Hi all, I am not new to the group, but it has been awhile since my last post.its been hard for me not to pst for long but I needewd space away from all this nada stuff. Now it's hard for me to think about but I know I have to My nada is bdp and we have been n\c for about 8 years and a couple months. I live fairly close to nada so it is pretty amazing that I have not bumped into her more often over the year but really I have only ran into her about 3 time in 8 years. Once I knew would happen because my little sister graduated, once nada just showed up at my house uninvited and I asked her to leave and today I just happened to see her at the store. I am feeling a little down now. You know nadas tend to have that spell over us KO's. But it is more than just that. I feel so sad because I didn't even recognize my own mother. Dh saw her, she was standing right next to me looking at meat and dh said " isn't that you mom " I looked at the lady, then I looked all around me and I could not find my mom. I said who? The lady in green? He said yes, I said no way, but I kept staring and she would not make eye contact with me. Then I realised yes this is my mom. She changed so much! I could not see it was her! How emberrasing! She had the same look for years and years and now, I don't know who she is anymore. I admite she looks better. I saw her cover her mouth and start to get teary eyed. So my reaction once the lightbulb clicked...I said we are leaving. I grabbed my sons went to stand in line and had dh grab the rest of the stuff. I was in no mood to shop Anymore. I just took the kids to the car and locked the doors. My sons asked me why does she cry when she sees us if she hates us? I explained the best way I could. I said that she is much like the queen in Alice in Wonderland. People are things to her, they are not people. She will like you when things go her way but if you do something she does not like it off with your head! I hope they understand. I told them I love her very much but it's not safe.maybe someday they will understand. And maybe some day when they are older and I don't have to worry about protecting them I can have a relationship with her. But I know she does not want a relationship with me for a pure reason and that hurts. The really funny part is that last night I had a very vivid dream I was talking to my mom. I told dh about it and he said are you sure that didn't happen? And I said no I think Its a premonition. Then today I had a bad feeling about going to the store at that time but I didn't listen to my gut amd sure enough. Times like this I could kick myself! Sadly now that she " made contact " even though we didn't really make contact she will start attacking me with calls emails and maybe even a visit. I am not happy about this, but its always the same crap. I wish she would change on the inside the way she changed on the outside.well thanks for reading. I really don't know who else to talk to people in the real world never can understand. You guys are always there and you are the only ones who really know my painwithout me having to express it. LB Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 3, 2010 Report Share Posted July 3, 2010 Wow LB, I feel like I have looked 2 years into my future and experienced running into my nada through your experience. My heart started beating faster just reading your recount of your nada encouter. I am sorry you had to go trough that and sorry that this will probably mean having to re-establish boundaries with your nada. It's never over, is it? peace & courage patinage Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 4, 2010 Report Share Posted July 4, 2010 Hi Lizzy, I have to tell you, I really admire your courage to do what's right, what's necessary, for your own sanity and your family's well-being. When you said you had that feeling in your gut...I can relate to that. I've had events happen when I got that feeling, ignored it, and later wished I had listened to it. wow--8 years nc and you've only run into her 3 times! amazing. I live pretty close to mine, am not nc, but when I fantasize about it, I figure " wouldn't be worth it, I'd see her in town all the time. " And Lizzy, I share your concern about explaining why I avoid my mother to my kids. I think they think I " m crazy or mean or something...but what can I do?? Stay strong, Fiona > > Hi all, I am not new to the group, but it has been awhile since my last post.its been hard for me not to pst for long but I needewd space away from all this nada stuff. Now it's hard for me to think about but I know I have to > My nada is bdp and we have been n\c for about 8 years and a couple months. > I live fairly close to nada so it is pretty amazing that I have not bumped into her more often over the year but really I have only ran into her about 3 time in 8 years. > Once I knew would happen because my little sister graduated, once nada just showed up at my house uninvited and I asked her to leave and today I just happened to see her at the store. > > I am feeling a little down now. You know nadas tend to have that spell over us KO's. But it is more than just that. I feel so sad because I didn't even recognize my own mother. > Dh saw her, she was standing right next to me looking at meat and dh said " isn't that you mom " I looked at the lady, then I looked all around me and I could not find my mom. > I said who? The lady in green? He said yes, I said no way, but I kept staring and she would not make eye contact with me. Then I realised yes this is my mom. She changed so much! > I could not see it was her! How emberrasing! She had the same look for years and years and now, I don't know who she is anymore. I admite she looks better. > > I saw her cover her mouth and start to get teary eyed. So my reaction once the lightbulb clicked...I said we are leaving. I grabbed my sons went to stand in line and had dh > grab the rest of the stuff. I was in no mood to shop > Anymore. I just took the kids to the car and locked the doors. > > My sons asked me why does she cry when she sees us if she hates us? I explained the best way I could. I said that she is much like the queen in Alice in Wonderland. > People are things to her, they are not people. She will like you when things go her way but if you do something she does not like it off with your head! I hope they understand. > I told them I love her very much but it's not safe.maybe someday they will understand. And maybe some day when they are older and I don't have to worry about protecting them > I can have a relationship with her. But I know she does not want a relationship with me for a pure reason and that hurts. > > The really funny part is that last night I had a very vivid dream I was talking to my mom. I told dh about it and he said are you sure that didn't happen? And I said no I think > Its a premonition. Then today I had a bad feeling about going to the store at that time but I didn't listen to my gut amd sure enough. Times like this I could kick myself! > > Sadly now that she " made contact " even though we didn't really make contact she will start attacking me with calls emails and maybe even a visit. I am not happy about this, > but its always the same crap. I wish she would change on the inside the way she changed on the outside.well thanks for reading. > I really don't know who else to talk to people in the real world never can understand. You guys are always there and you are the only ones who really know my painwithout me > having to express it. LB > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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