Becoming the company you keep

June 30, 2010

Did your nadas change their beliefs frequently? I know it's a classic sign of

being BPD too....not knowing who you are.

My mother changed her core moral beliefs frequently depending on who she was

friends with at the time.

One minute she was die-hard prolife and the next minute she was prochoice.

One minute she was a staunch republican and the next minute she was campaigning

for a democrat.

She was Baptist but she never went to church. She didn't believe in drinking

alcohol, but would get drunk on red wine.

Contradictory. She held other people to much higher standards than she was

willing to hold herself to.

She got pregnant before she was married, but I was a " whore " because my husband

and I lived together before we married.

She moved from Florida to Indiana when she got married to my father, but I was

an awful daughter who was abandoning her

because I moved from Florida to Georgia when I got married.

The lists are endless, but you get the idea.

Can you relate?

July 4, 2010

my brother told me something the other day that blew my mind. my mother is

extremely religious (since the last ten years or so) and he told me the other

day she told him that she " would love to learn more about astronomy " . I was

stunned, because I can't mention anything scientific without her getting her

knickers in a huge knot and her essentially leaving the room or otherwise

completely shutting down the conversation. If the person she's with is religious

(or 'in name only', even) she has a strange unearned respect for them. I find

her ridiculous in this way, part of it being unfamiliar because she didn't used

to behave this way, but for her to appear to approve astronomy is the cherry on

top of her crazy cake. In fact, my brother and I are incredibly similar in many

ways (he's here visiting) and his visits are extremely rare, he was cut off from

the family for about 4 years or so) and it blows my mind how similar are our

intellectual pursuits, our senses of humor, our topics of interests, our

strengths and weaknesses, etc, yet he can do no wrong, and I can do no right.

It's beyond bizarre how arbitrary it is, when you have someone who is virtually

your twin in town, and yet they are the golden child and you are the painted

black one. LOL. Everyday I end up scratching my head about it.

>

> Did your nadas change their beliefs frequently? I know it's a classic sign of

being BPD too....not knowing who you are.

>

> My mother changed her core moral beliefs frequently depending on who she was

friends with at the time.

> One minute she was die-hard prolife and the next minute she was prochoice.

> One minute she was a staunch republican and the next minute she was

campaigning for a democrat.

>

> She was Baptist but she never went to church. She didn't believe in drinking

alcohol, but would get drunk on red wine.

>

> Contradictory. She held other people to much higher standards than she was

willing to hold herself to.

>

> She got pregnant before she was married, but I was a " whore " because my

husband and I lived together before we married.

> She moved from Florida to Indiana when she got married to my father, but I was

an awful daughter who was abandoning her

> because I moved from Florida to Georgia when I got married.

>

> The lists are endless, but you get the idea.

> Can you relate?

>

July 4, 2010

I understand. My mother was always spouting fundamentilsm and yet she would read

books Shirley McClaine wrote on reincarnation. A walking contradiction.

Re: Becoming the company you keep