Grieving process?

[Guest guest]

My brother is almost excited about learning that our mother has BPD, but I think

I'm still so exhausted and drained. It is a sense of relief to know that it's

not me afterall but instead of feeling so free like I have prayed and prayed for

I feel like I'm going through a grieving process. Every time I pick up a book

(now reading " Surviving a Borderline Parent " ) every few sentences I cry. I mean,

I think it is a good thing, maybe I'm finally healing deep inside. I guess it

takes time...seems like I've been trying to heal for so long but there was

always a constant open wound...I don't know...

[Guest guest]

I'm fairly new to all this myself. When I was reading Eggshells, it was so hard

to get through the first part. It reminded me of too many things I have tried to

forget. Once I got past that pain, I was thrilled to finally realize it wasn't

just me being a loser. My nada has a problem and it affected my whole life.

I guess I didn't grieve so much. I've never had a " Mom " so I don't know what I'm

missing. If I grieve over anything, it's the lost childhood. But I cling to the

good parts that had nothing to do with her. There's very little to cling to but

she'll never take away my love of books and libraries (always been my escape),

my love of the outdoors (another escape). In a weird way I guess I can thank her

for those. :-p

It will get better for you. Reading the books is hard. Like picking off scabs.

Don't stop yet. Eventually you'll feel a sense of freedom knowing it's not all

your fault, no matter what she tries to tell you.

>

> My brother is almost excited about learning that our mother has BPD, but I

think I'm still so exhausted and drained. It is a sense of relief to know that

it's not me afterall but instead of feeling so free like I have prayed and

prayed for I feel like I'm going through a grieving process. Every time I pick

up a book (now reading " Surviving a Borderline Parent " ) every few sentences I

cry. I mean, I think it is a good thing, maybe I'm finally healing deep inside.

I guess it takes time...seems like I've been trying to heal for so long but

there was always a constant open wound...I don't know...

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you Irene. I think I'm grieving more for the lost childhood too. I never

wanted to act like the victim, but now for the first time I'm telling myself

that yeah maybe I was a victim after all.

I hear what you're saying. Thanks for your insights.

> >

> > My brother is almost excited about learning that our mother has BPD, but I

think I'm still so exhausted and drained. It is a sense of relief to know that

it's not me afterall but instead of feeling so free like I have prayed and

prayed for I feel like I'm going through a grieving process. Every time I pick

up a book (now reading " Surviving a Borderline Parent " ) every few sentences I

cry. I mean, I think it is a good thing, maybe I'm finally healing deep inside.

I guess it takes time...seems like I've been trying to heal for so long but

there was always a constant open wound...I don't know...

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Out of all the healing I've done (and healing is always painful) the very worst

time, by far, was the weekend I read Understanding the Borderline Mother.

There was just no place to hide after reading it.

So sorry. Just know the grief will pass, and you aren't crazy for crying

through it.

>

> My brother is almost excited about learning that our mother has BPD, but I

think I'm still so exhausted and drained. It is a sense of relief to know that

it's not me afterall but instead of feeling so free like I have prayed and

prayed for I feel like I'm going through a grieving process. Every time I pick

up a book (now reading " Surviving a Borderline Parent " ) every few sentences I

cry. I mean, I think it is a good thing, maybe I'm finally healing deep inside.

I guess it takes time...seems like I've been trying to heal for so long but

there was always a constant open wound...I don't know...

>

[Guest guest]

Actually just after I posted this, I started reading the book again and came to

chapter 3 which is " Grieving your lost childhood. " Wow, is all I can say. Thank

you for your encouragement.

> >

> > My brother is almost excited about learning that our mother has BPD, but I

think I'm still so exhausted and drained. It is a sense of relief to know that

it's not me afterall but instead of feeling so free like I have prayed and

prayed for I feel like I'm going through a grieving process. Every time I pick

up a book (now reading " Surviving a Borderline Parent " ) every few sentences I

cry. I mean, I think it is a good thing, maybe I'm finally healing deep inside.

I guess it takes time...seems like I've been trying to heal for so long but

there was always a constant open wound...I don't know...

> >

>

[Guest guest]

that book is a real eye opener !!

Jackie

Out of all the healing I've done (and healing is always painful) the very

worst time, by far, was the weekend I read Understanding the Borderline

Mother.

There was just no place to hide after reading it.

So sorry. Just know the grief will pass, and you aren't crazy for crying

through it.