Re: I need help changing my identity

[Guest guest]

Hey !

This is what the internet tells me about changing your SSN:

" If your card has been lost or your number has fallen into the wrong hands,

that's generally not enough. You must provide evidence that the number is

actually being misused, and that the misuse is causing you harm... To get a new

SSN, you must visit your local Social Security field office. There is no fee. "

And here's the real government webpage: http://www.ssa.gov/pubs/10002.html

As for names, it's pretty easy. You get a free name change for

divorce/marriage/obtaining citizenship, but you can also file one. The laws

depend on your state, but in MA you file a petition at the courthouse (or some

official building) and then give notice in the publication of your choice for a

set amount of time... you can petition to waive the publicity end of it.

Feel free to ignore this, but would you feel comfortable elaborating on the

background story? I'm about to obtain US citizenship (I might push it off one

more year for financial concerns), so I'm changing my name, well, legally

changing it. I was supposed to be a boy (I fooled all the doctors) and my

parents were going to name me " Francis " since it's a family name on both sides.

I chose " FrancEs " so that I wasn't disrespecting their decision, but I was still

making a choice of my own; plus, " FrancEs " isn't associated with the saint

(according to the internet), and I'm disaffiliating myself with Christianity.

I've tried over and over to explain the change and it's hard to encapsulate the

whole story. My therapist actually had a really great way of framing it: " You

even chose to go by 'Frances' now because 'Maia' had so many traumatic memories

associated with it. "

I miss my name. " Frances " doesn't roll off the tongue the same way. I miss how

" Maia " was so fluid... it means so many things in so many different languages.

Technically it's a Hebrew name. I've toyed with the idea of keeping it as a

middle name, but it's just too painful to hear it or " hide " it in my new name.

So I'm going from Maia *last name* to Frances (?)

*last name* was my granny's name, and I do miss her. Now that I'm back

in touch with my dad, I feel bad about getting rid of her name, even thoguh I'm

keeping the family last name (Nada has a different one). I'd really rather

replace with a Hebrew name. I'm gettin grid of because my Nada

chose it for " Mother " (re: not Christian anymore), and Nada just liked

" " but I'm sick of having SO many middle names, so that's going too.

Ok... that was long. I like talking about my name and how ridiculously long it

was and all the meanings behind it =)

-Frances

>

> There's a long background story to this that I'm sure most of you can guess.

The conclusion is I'm 27 years old, my parents are trying to force me into a

career and marriage I don't want, and I'm sick of it.

>

> I'm looking into how to change my name and identity and I was wondering if any

of you have experience with that. I'm pretty sure I need to change my SSN

because my parents use it to access my bank accounts. Any advice would be

greatly appreciated!

>

> Thank you,

>

>

[Guest guest]

- You've said before that you are ready to go it alone and stop taking

money from your parents. Why not just open some new accounts in your name only,

move your own money (whatever you've earned - not a penny they've given you)

into them, and then start living on your own earnings? I know that you're in

school, and it's expensive, but that whole conversation has already been covered

on another thread.

It seems to me that if you just go ahead and get the student loans to finish the

degree you want, then pack your stuff and move to some ratty little student

apartment for as long as it takes, you'll be free of them (poor, but free) and

they will finally get the message that you aren't for sale - not to them or to

any future husband they hand-pick.

I totally get the cultural thing about choosing a good man for you, and really,

now that I have a teenaged son, I wish I could hand-pick some nice girls to

introduce to him rather than those hussies he sees at school - not good enough

for my baby! But I think introductions have to be the limit of parental

meddling, here in the twenty-first century.

Other than the financial pressure and constant nagging, they really have no

power over you - other than what you hand to them. You already have more

education than most other people in this country, and you're on your way to the

career you want, if I read your posts correctly. So what if you have student

loans, or have to work to support yourself while you finish school? Loans are a

misery, but lots of us live paycheck to paycheck - and we manage. Eventually,

they'll be paid off and you'll have the job you want - and maybe even a life

partner of your own choosing.

I don't think it takes anything as dramatic as changing your name, unless your

parents are so crazy they'd go in for honor killings or something like that.

>

> There's a long background story to this that I'm sure most of you can guess.

The conclusion is I'm 27 years old, my parents are trying to force me into a

career and marriage I don't want, and I'm sick of it.

>

> I'm looking into how to change my name and identity and I was wondering if any

of you have experience with that. I'm pretty sure I need to change my SSN

because my parents use it to access my bank accounts. Any advice would be

greatly appreciated!

>

> Thank you,

>

>

[Guest guest]

, why are you looking to change your identity? Is it so that your family

cannot contact you?

This is harder than you think. I seriously looked into this recently and due to

the modern internet age and how much " public records " information is now sold on

the internet to data brokers it is very difficult. For example if you get a

name change that is part of the public record. In olden times someone would

have to know you changed it, which courthouse, and go in person to look it up.

These days all they have to do is type in your name to the right search database

and your new name will come up with your old name linked together. To get a

sealed name change you have to prove you are at risk of serious harm to a judge.

And so it goes...

There are books like JJ Luna's " How to Disappear " about how to keep your

identity private but once I read what was truly involved I realized it was a

pretty extreme path to take. It's gotta be worth it. There are more minor

steps you can take to make finding your address/phone more difficult but if they

hire a PI those may not be enough. There are a number of books about

maintaining identity and financial privacy out there though and may be parts of

them may be helpful to you. If you search Luna's book on Amazon the rest will

pop up as related titles.

Blessings,

>

> There's a long background story to this that I'm sure most of you can guess.

The conclusion is I'm 27 years old, my parents are trying to force me into a

career and marriage I don't want, and I'm sick of it.

>

> I'm looking into how to change my name and identity and I was wondering if any

of you have experience with that. I'm pretty sure I need to change my SSN

because my parents use it to access my bank accounts. Any advice would be

greatly appreciated!

>

> Thank you,

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you all for your advice. Here's a little more information. The reason I

feel that I need to become untraceable is my parents have just showed up when

they couldn't reach me (i.e, I didn't return their calls for 48 hrs). They did

this a number of times in college (i was on the east coast and they are in the

midwest). They also did this once when I was studying in Paris and forgot my

charger for a weekend. I got back to Paris and they were there. That's why I

think it will be worth the hassle to change all my info (at the very least, my

name).

I absolutely am not worried about taking out loans anymore and have started the

ball rolling. I applied to live in the dorms and I'm working on how to get my

stuff there.

It's just the much larger issue that they really feel they own every part of me

and I need to separate from that. They have been so freaking persistent in the

past when I've tried to separate (not call home for 2 days) that it really

worries me about doing this for good in the future- I can just imagine them

backlashing and moving to whatever town I'm in until they have control (they

tried to do this in college also).

I have heard you have to publish a name change but I was under the impression it

was not super hard to have it sealed. My therapist and psychiatrist have said

that they will write letters on my behalf to prove abuse. I guess I'll find out

when I try.

Luckily my family is tech-illiterate and I know they will be too embarrassed to

ask anyone else how to stalk me. I just really really want that peace of mind

that I've never had before. I finally realized that this year I've received zero

financial support from them but thousands of hours of belittling controlling

tirades. I might as well continue having no financial support but at least get

peace of mind...

Thanks for all of your advice and I'd appreciate any other words of wisdom!

> >

> > There's a long background story to this that I'm sure most of you can guess.

The conclusion is I'm 27 years old, my parents are trying to force me into a

career and marriage I don't want, and I'm sick of it.

> >

> > I'm looking into how to change my name and identity and I was wondering if

any of you have experience with that. I'm pretty sure I need to change my SSN

because my parents use it to access my bank accounts. Any advice would be

greatly appreciated!

> >

> > Thank you,

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hi , just a heads up one email coming your way...

> > >

> > > There's a long background story to this that I'm sure most of you can

guess. The conclusion is I'm 27 years old, my parents are trying to force me

into a career and marriage I don't want, and I'm sick of it.

> > >

> > > I'm looking into how to change my name and identity and I was wondering if

any of you have experience with that. I'm pretty sure I need to change my SSN

because my parents use it to access my bank accounts. Any advice would be

greatly appreciated!

> > >

> > > Thank you,

> > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

just remember they might hire a private investigator and that person will not be

'tech-illiterate'...I wish you didn't have to go this length although I

understand why you might want to, in the end if they find out your new

information it would just have been alot of hassle, or you might have to do it

again. I wish you could go the legal route of getting restraining orders and all

that stuff. Definitely look up the laws about involuntary committment in your

state as well because if they are this controlling they might go off the deep

end. I am glad you have therapists that will back you up. Congrats on getting

the ball rolling for loans, you sound very strong and confident. Hugs!

> > >

> > > There's a long background story to this that I'm sure most of you can

guess. The conclusion is I'm 27 years old, my parents are trying to force me

into a career and marriage I don't want, and I'm sick of it.

> > >

> > > I'm looking into how to change my name and identity and I was wondering if

any of you have experience with that. I'm pretty sure I need to change my SSN

because my parents use it to access my bank accounts. Any advice would be

greatly appreciated!

> > >

> > > Thank you,

> > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hi ! Grant Hall is regarded as an " expert " on this and I have followed

some of his advice, and intend to use it further in the future. Here is the

content of an email flyer I recently received:

USING I.D. TO DISAPPEAR

" With sufficient nerve and confidence, the right " papers, " and the knowledge

that you have a right to be whomever you choose to be at the time, you

too-whether being investigated or not-can pull off the challenge of convincing

people in everyday life that you are someone else. And you have a right to do

it. "

Excerpt, CHAPTER THREE, USING I.D. TO DISAPPEAR, Privacy Crisis: Identity Theft

Prevention Plan and Guide to Anonymous Living by Grant Hall.

www.PrivacyCrisis.com

" Under those circumstances, when you don't want your true legal name assoiciated

with " the real you, " an alternate name can be used. Privacy-conscious

individuals often obtain official-looking identification documents to add

credibility to their alternate identity.Although this is legal, it's a touchy

subject to discuss with anyone. "

Excerpt, CHAPTER THREE, Privacy Crisis

FREE infoseries of privacy courses: www.PrivacyCrisis.com

Privacy Crisis is the best selling e-book on identity theft and privacy on the

internet.

Affiliate program available.

YOU CAN DOWNLOAD Privacy CrisisIN FIVE MINUTES FROM NOW AND BEGIN LEARNING HOW

TO USE AN ALTERNATE IDENTITY FOR PRIVACY PURPOSES.

Do not give law enforcement false i.d.-EVER.

Buy the e-book at www.PrivacyCrisis.com

> >

> > There's a long background story to this that I'm sure most of you can guess.

The conclusion is I'm 27 years old, my parents are trying to force me into a

career and marriage I don't want, and I'm sick of it.

> >

> > I'm looking into how to change my name and identity and I was wondering if

any of you have experience with that. I'm pretty sure I need to change my SSN

because my parents use it to access my bank accounts. Any advice would be

greatly appreciated!

> >

> > Thank you,

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you all for your advice,

I have been on 4x speed trying to order the proper documents and I am finally

giving myself a day of rest (well at least a few hrs).

I started to work on a lot of the details last week and thought that at least

I'd get the ball rolling and then I could decide if this is really what I want

to do. I'm so glad I did because this week has only continued to get worse with

them. I ignored when they called twice in a row, and my brother then sent a text

saying " if you don't pick up right now we're all flying to your place this

weekend. " I just don't understand the reasoning that if I missed two calls they

can come to my home and try to verbally subjugate me. From their perspective,

absolutely nothing has happened this week and I told them i'd call them on

Sunday as I always do. They literally feel like they own me and are appalled

when I try to breath without them.

At this point, I can't even honestly say the last time I've " loved " them or even

had just lukewarm feelings about them. Maybe in elementary school when I didn't

know better? So I am very confident in my decision to disappear, it just makes

me so so sad on a different level.

The few scenarios in which I would ever do this to my child all involve iV drug

use and prostitution. not getting a massive scholarship at a great business

school....

I know logically it doesn't make sense but i'm a very logical person so that's

where I go- and I just can't understand what I ever did to make them try to

control me like this and to not trust me and to try to overtake my life. I am

still in such shock that my brother gets away with murder (i.e., never working a

day in his life but he's the golden child), while I have been so disciplined and

self-motivated but my nada literally hates me. I can see it in her eyes. I

cannot imagine ever looking at someone you once loved like that. I can't even

look at ex-bfs the way she looks at me.

I have to call nada today and pretend everything's ok so I don't give her a

reason to try to come here. It makes me so mad that she can sit at home with

nothing affecting her while she says these horrible things to me, and is shocked

that I don't want to talk to her after she's belittled me for hours. I know that

it has never crossed her mind I would do something like this- but I find that

surprising too. I don't know how she can treat me the way she has and not think

that something like this would cross my mind.

I have no doubt in my mind that this is something I want to do. I think the only

things that have prevented me in the past are financial security and hope. And

now I know that I can take care of myself and the only possible way to even hold

onto the illusion of hope would be to go back to residency and marry someone

I've never even met. So I'll just have to give up on hope!

Thank you all for your support,

> > > >

> > > > There's a long background story to this that I'm sure most of you can

guess. The conclusion is I'm 27 years old, my parents are trying to force me

into a career and marriage I don't want, and I'm sick of it.

> > > >

> > > > I'm looking into how to change my name and identity and I was wondering

if any of you have experience with that. I'm pretty sure I need to change my SSN

because my parents use it to access my bank accounts. Any advice would be

greatly appreciated!

> > > >

> > > > Thank you,

> > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Wow I am SO glad I don't fall for nada's bs anymore. After a psychotic week of

her calling me all the time and threatening to fly in if I didn't pick up

immediately- she now has no recollection of stalking me. She acted like

everything was normal and she hadn't told me to f*ck off and get the h*ll out of

her life. I can tell she's still plotting- I told her I'm going to my new city

this week to look at places and sign a lease and she said she wanted to see me

face to face before that- i.e. to still try to harass me out of going to school

and to try to get me to move back with them. I am so so glad I've picked up on

her manipulations. Sigh. I'm going to call the judge tomorrow to try to get

things expedited, keep your fingers crossed for me!!

> > >

> > > There's a long background story to this that I'm sure most of you can

guess. The conclusion is I'm 27 years old, my parents are trying to force me

into a career and marriage I don't want, and I'm sick of it.

> > >

> > > I'm looking into how to change my name and identity and I was wondering if

any of you have experience with that. I'm pretty sure I need to change my SSN

because my parents use it to access my bank accounts. Any advice would be

greatly appreciated!

> > >

> > > Thank you,

> > >

> > >

> >

>