breakthrough with father

[Guest guest]

Hi friends,

hugs to all!

I recently talked with my father, who is still married to nada... and although

we have been talking on the phone about a year now (I've been NC 5 years, and RC

this last year if you count calls that I control with my number blocked out)

I recently brought up, that I want to see him. He is really elderly, and I know

that if something were to happen, and I didn't see him, I would forever be angry

at nada for taking that from me. It's hard. I know you understand.

So, I recently, found new strength and have been pushing past my fears, and I

called him and told him I am thinking of visiting. I plan to stay in a hotel,

and rent a car, and only go for one or two afternoons. A long trip for a short

time, he said. I told him, well, it's just you and my nieces (that I have never

met) that I want to see, I told him, mymother and split good golden child

sibling I am not interested in.

He actually said to me, " I hear you "

Can you believe it??

There was a long silence on the phone, and I told him, " that means a lot to me

what you just said. thank you "

I don't know, I hope I am making the right decision. But recently, I have made

a resolution not to let nada take my father completely away from me. Nor old

family friends who knew me as a child. Nor my nieces.

I feel like, in being NC, I give nada more power. I know my thoughts on this

have changed, but this is my latest perspective. I feel strong enough to go and

visit. I want to see my nieces, I want to stand up to nada in front of them, I

want to see my father. These desires are stronger than my fear of nada.

Really, I have no problem telling nada to go to hell in a polite and

professional way. I found out at work, that I can do this quite successfully

with my BP supervisor.

Any thoughts/opinions/ advice? Am I being hoovered? This time feels different.

Because I am not afraid. It's like I faced my worst demon at work. I feel like

one has to face one's demons and allow them into one's life.

Or have I totally lost my mind???

Hugs,

Walkingto Happiness