Done

June 25, 2010

I do not wish to go to family parties on my moms side. Not because of her.

But, because of my two narcisitic siblings on her side. I'm done with it. I'm

done with them, their abuse, and their tactics. Yet, my borderline mother goes

on and on and makes a scene about how hurt I am that I couldn't be at their

events. A niece finally called feeling sorry for me that I hadn't been invited

to some graduation party. But, she said there were limited seats...only two

tickets per person. And she told me that my mom had said how hurt I was for not

being invited...blah, blah, blah. I had to tell my niece that not only was I

not hurt. But, that I would not have come had I been invited. I no longer want

anything to do with that person after how rudely he had treated me in the past.

My niece seemed really stunned insisting that I was so hurt. NO! I'm not hurt.

I don't choose to have anything to do with the narcisistic side of the family.

I'm done. But, my mom keeps painting a whole different picture. Why?

And what would you do?

June 26, 2010

Why? I can think of several possibilities. The lies may be an

attempt to create drama and draw attention to herself. They may

be an attempt to drive a wedge between you and other family

members. She may be pretending to herself that they're true for

some twisted reason of her own. My nada does that a lot. If

believing something that isn't true makes it easier for her to

justify her own choices, she can become firmly convinced that

her lies are the truth. Maybe your nada is refusing to believe

that you don't want anything to do with her relatives, so she

has to pretend that you're hurt by not being invited to the

party because in her fantasy world, you have reason to be hurt.

As for what to do about it, that's hard. Telling her to stop

doing it isn't likely to help. Talking to any relatives who are

your nada's flying monkeys probably won't help either. With

other relatives, I think it depends on what kind of relationship

you have with them. If you want to stay friendly with some of

them, you might want to just tell them that your nada doesn't

speak for you and they shouldn't believe everything they hear

from her about you. I sometimes tell people that my nada is

confused about things and leave it go at that. The more fuss you

make about her lies, the more likely she is to tell more and

bigger lies.

At 01:27 AM 06/26/2010 friend wrote:

>I do not wish to go to family parties on my moms side. Not

>because of her. But, because of my two narcisitic siblings on

>her side. I'm done with it. I'm done with them, their abuse,

>and their tactics. Yet, my borderline mother goes on and on and

>makes a scene about how hurt I am that I couldn't be at their

>events. A niece finally called feeling sorry for me that I

>hadn't been invited to some graduation party. But, she said

>there were limited seats...only two tickets per person. And

>she told me that my mom had said how hurt I was for not being

>invited...blah, blah, blah. I had to tell my niece that not

>only was I not hurt. But, that I would not have come had I

>been invited. I no longer want anything to do with that person

>after how rudely he had treated me in the past. My niece

>seemed really stunned insisting that I was so hurt. NO! I'm

>not hurt. I don't choose to have anything to do with the

>narcisistic side of the family. I'm done. But, my mom keeps

>painting a whole different picture. Why?

>And what would you do?

--

Katrina

June 26, 2010

I never go to stuff much either. there isn't much to go to but what I do go to

I just end up regretting. I didn't go to my sister's wedding. I woke up with a

huge headache which lasted twelve hours, the worst i have ever had. i think that

was the universe saying 'no'. my sister has a touch of NPD and she's not a fan

of mine. most of her boyfriends will hardly speak to me...she came over here the

other day with her latest and he only said one sentence to me. I can't imagine

what I have done to her to make her slander me to her boyfriends so badly. it's

very weird. she intensely dislikes me although she is 'nice' to my face. it's

bizarre because I have never involved myself in her life to any degree. when

good things happen for her I am happy. we fought like kids do growing up but i

never have born her any ill will as an adult. but she tries to paint me as black

as night nonetheless.

i probably won't go to anymore family funerals. it's grief porn, or at least it

seems that way in my family. I was deeply hurt about something that happened at

my grandmother's funeral. well, several things that happened. I can't take it

anymore. grief has nothing to do with public displays. I grieve for my animals

when they die but there are never public funerals.

they do what they do. my father does alot of that kind of thing. distortion

campaigns, slander, lies, drama. it really confuses me because alot of the

things I hear people on here say about their mothers, my mother doesn't do. or

she keeps it on the down low. but my father does all of those things. and gets

away with it. the people that are drawn to drama and have a sense of victimhood

about themselves (which aren't hard to find in a family like mine with abuse and

addiction issues running through it) will latch onto that stuff and get

involved.

but honestly I know if I weren't related to them we would never interact in

real life. I have nothing in common with them. so I have to let go. the only

time I am 'allowed in' or recieve kindnessess is when someone is acting out, and

they need an ally. that's going on now because my SIL if off the charts with her

behavior.

>

> I do not wish to go to family parties on my moms side. Not because of her.