Re: Worried that everyone hates me

[Guest guest]

Deanna,

All the time. I still look at myself in the mirror and think I'm the

ugliest person I've ever seen (even though I modeled as a teen and had

others tell me I'm pretty). Often, I've felt like people are faking

interest in what I have to say, and it's really difficult for me to

trust others' intentions. I work in PR so I've had to try and overcome

those tendencies for the sake of my career, but they are definitely

there.

Cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) helped me learn how to manage these

emotions, but years of being shamed by my BPD mom and never having my

opinions or desires matter have left deep scars. Bottom line: you're

worth listening to and people do like you, even if your nada implied

(or told you) otherwise.

Anastasia

> Of the many fleas I have, I think the saddest one is that I worry

> that people don't like me. I know this is a distorted thought...sort

> of. I always worry that people are pretending to like me, but they

> really don't and when I walk out, they will talk crap about me. When

> I have any kind of a disagreement or altercation with someone, I am

> sure when it is over that they hate me now. I hesitate to go to

> reunions or gatherings of ex co-workers because I am sure they will

> not want to see me.

>

> When I AM at one of those gatherings, I spend the whole time

> worrying that they won't want to talk to me. It's hurtful to feel

> this way about myself, and downright debilitating. I try to see it

> from the outside, and try to ask myself if, objectively, someone

> appears to like me. If they do, I worry they are faking it.

>

> I've never been one to have a lot of casual friends. I've been more

> of a few close friends kind of person. Sometimes those friendships

> fade away, like, I guess many friendships do.

>

> And of course, adding to my insecurities is one of my nada's smear

> campaigns, whereby she is telling people that I always push away

> those who love me the most. The only " people " she could be referring

> to are her and the guy who sexually assaulted me. Perhaps to her

> " love " and " bully " are synonymous.

>

> I think the root of my insecurity about being liked is that my nada

> would say " I love you " and make me say it back, but I never, ever

> felt anything like love coming from her. Very confusing.

>

> Does anyone else feel this way?

>

> Deanna

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

OMG I have always felt this way...nada always told me people didnt really

like me, they only pretended so as not to hurt my feelings...but as I got

older, while I still feel this way a bit, It doesnt bother me...I have my

dogs :-)

Jackie

Of the many fleas I have, I think the saddest one is that I worry that

people don't like me. I know this is a distorted thought...sort of. I

always worry that people are pretending to like me, but they really don't

and when I walk out, they will talk crap about me. When I have any kind of

a disagreement or altercation with someone, I am sure when it is over that

they hate me now. I hesitate to go to reunions or gatherings of ex

co-workers because I am sure they will not want to see me.

When I AM at one of those gatherings, I spend the whole time worrying that

they won't want to talk to me. It's hurtful to feel this way about myself,

and downright debilitating. I try to see it from the outside, and try to

ask myself if, objectively, someone appears to like me. If they do, I worry

they are faking it.

I've never been one to have a lot of casual friends. I've been more of a

few close friends kind of person. Sometimes those friendships fade away,

like, I guess many friendships do.

And of course, adding to my insecurities is one of my nada's smear

campaigns, whereby she is telling people that I always push away those who

love me the most. The only " people " she could be referring to are her and

the guy who sexually assaulted me. Perhaps to her " love " and " bully " are

synonymous.

I think the root of my insecurity about being liked is that my nada would

say " I love you " and make me say it back, but I never, ever felt anything

like love coming from her. Very confusing.

Does anyone else feel this way?

Deanna

[Guest guest]

I like you Jackie!!!

In a message dated 6/25/2010 2:38:41 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

sleddog@... writes:

OMG I have always felt this way...nada always told me people didnt really

like me, they only pretended so as not to hurt my feelings...but as I got

older, while I still feel this way a bit, It doesnt bother me...I have my

dogs :-)

Jackie

Of the many fleas I have, I think the saddest one is that I worry that

people don't like me. I know this is a distorted thought...sort of. I

always worry that people are pretending to like me, but they really don't

and when I walk out, they will talk crap about me. When I have any kind of

a disagreement or altercation with someone, I am sure when it is over that

they hate me now. I hesitate to go to reunions or gatherings of ex

co-workers because I am sure they will not want to see me.

When I AM at one of those gatherings, I spend the whole time worrying that

they won't want to talk to me. It's hurtful to feel this way about myself,

and downright debilitating. I try to see it from the outside, and try to

ask myself if, objectively, someone appears to like me. If they do, I

worry

they are faking it.

I've never been one to have a lot of casual friends. I've been more of a

few close friends kind of person. Sometimes those friendships fade away,

like, I guess many friendships do.

And of course, adding to my insecurities is one of my nada's smear

campaigns, whereby she is telling people that I always push away those who

love me the most. The only " people " she could be referring to are her and

the guy who sexually assaulted me. Perhaps to her " love " and " bully " are

synonymous.

I think the root of my insecurity about being liked is that my nada would

say " I love you " and make me say it back, but I never, ever felt anything

like love coming from her. Very confusing.

Does anyone else feel this way?

Deanna

[Guest guest]

thanks :-) you're so sweet. I like you too :-)

Jackie

I like you Jackie!!!

[Guest guest]

Oh yeah - to a paranoid level. I am not sure why but since I went NC from nada,

I have become much more insecure about this and I think you are right about the

smear campaign contributing to this. I live in the same small city as nada and

I am constantly paranoid every time I meet someone, that nada has already

embedded her crap in their head about me. I have a home-based business and I

have gotten to the point that I can hardly get up the gumption to have a home

party for fear of people not liking me.

I also think, when nada made the ultimate betrayal towards me and I saw her

mental illness in it's full color, my trust was shattered. If my own mom can't

find it in her heart to love me, who can? What a horrible thought but there it

is. If people only new the courage we have to face life everyday.

patinage

P.S. I like you Deanna and all of you out there too . Deanna, you are witty,

supportive, sensitive and honest. I would be proud to call you a friend.

[Guest guest]

Thank you so much, patinage. I really like everyone here too, of course. I do

feel a special kinship with you and with Jackie. I think our HF nadas are so

similar, and I feel like I know you both, even though I really don't.

Deanna

>

> Oh yeah - to a paranoid level. I am not sure why but since I went NC from

nada, I have become much more insecure about this and I think you are right

about the smear campaign contributing to this. I live in the same small city as

nada and I am constantly paranoid every time I meet someone, that nada has

already embedded her crap in their head about me. I have a home-based business

and I have gotten to the point that I can hardly get up the gumption to have a

home party for fear of people not liking me.

>

> I also think, when nada made the ultimate betrayal towards me and I saw her

mental illness in it's full color, my trust was shattered. If my own mom can't

find it in her heart to love me, who can? What a horrible thought but there it

is. If people only new the courage we have to face life everyday.

>

> patinage

>

> P.S. I like you Deanna and all of you out there too . Deanna, you are witty,

supportive, sensitive and honest. I would be proud to call you a friend.

>

[Guest guest]

I understand this. I don't think anyone *can* love me, since I was the painted

black child. I am not sure how much of this I can change.

>

> Of the many fleas I have, I think the saddest one is that I worry that people

don't like me. I know this is a distorted thought...sort of. I always worry

that people are pretending to like me, but they really don't and when I walk

out, they will talk crap about me. When I have any kind of a disagreement or

altercation with someone, I am sure when it is over that they hate me now. I

hesitate to go to reunions or gatherings of ex co-workers because I am sure they

will not want to see me.

>

> When I AM at one of those gatherings, I spend the whole time worrying that

they won't want to talk to me. It's hurtful to feel this way about myself, and

downright debilitating. I try to see it from the outside, and try to ask myself

if, objectively, someone appears to like me. If they do, I worry they are

faking it.

>

> I've never been one to have a lot of casual friends. I've been more of a few

close friends kind of person. Sometimes those friendships fade away, like, I

guess many friendships do.

>

> And of course, adding to my insecurities is one of my nada's smear campaigns,

whereby she is telling people that I always push away those who love me the

most. The only " people " she could be referring to are her and the guy who

sexually assaulted me. Perhaps to her " love " and " bully " are synonymous.

>

> I think the root of my insecurity about being liked is that my nada would say

" I love you " and make me say it back, but I never, ever felt anything like love

coming from her. Very confusing.

>

> Does anyone else feel this way?

>

> Deanna

>