Re: is this a classic hoover?

[Guest guest]

Only a KO would even have to ask it that is dysfunctional. If she felt

compelled to contact you, that is what she should have done. Instead she

tried an end run, using your children. If the old family friend is

terminally ill, and it that is a person for whom you have feelings, you

are quite capable of finding out where they are and making contact,

without nada.

And yes, it is manipulation. Be assured, she has forgotten her

misbehavior, or gaslighted it to something else altogether by now. NC is

all because you are a villain. But she is condecending to contact you

in dire circumstances because she feels compelled by the illness of a

family friend. Yet in the meantime, she has let a year pass with NC with

her daughter and grandkids over a trivial incident, ie an arguement.

Doug

>

> I stopped verbally and emotionally tiptoeing around my nada, we had a

fight and she has been NC with me for about a year (during which time I

gave birth to her only granddaughter). She sent a birthday card to my

other kids and in it wrote to me that she " felt compellled " to tell me

that an old family friend was ill and that the prognosis was " dire " . I'm

supposed to write back or call to find out how this person is right? and

that way she can get me back involved in her life without having to

address her behavior that led to NC?

>

[Guest guest]

If she's passed on the information, and you want to contact the old family

friend, then you should feel free to make contact with THE FRIEND or the

friend's family - not necessary to go back through Nada at all! She may want to

hoover, but that doesn't mean you have to participate.

>

> I stopped verbally and emotionally tiptoeing around my nada, we had a fight

and she has been NC with me for about a year (during which time I gave birth to

her only granddaughter). She sent a birthday card to my other kids and in it

wrote to me that she " felt compellled " to tell me that an old family friend was

ill and that the prognosis was " dire " . I'm supposed to write back or call to

find out how this person is right? and that way she can get me back involved in

her life without having to address her behavior that led to NC?

>

[Guest guest]

I hate that! My nada does that ALL the time! She will write me a stupid email or

something acting like nothing has happened, it will basically be like " I know

you don't care about me but so and so has…. " I have Never once followed up on

anything it's all crap! It gets so exhausting.

My dad has even done that once. Dh and fada exchanged words after nada was

calling the house (I didn't answer) and sending emails and flowers (I gave them

away), she even showed up uninvited, and I told her to leave. Finally my dh

emailed my fada and asked him to talk to my nada. Fada retaliated by sending dh

a nasty email with false accusations. So dh and I went through emails and court

documents with written documentation and proof of who did what and we sent him

an email back to force him to look at his projection of every line of his email.

After that he went n/c on me for a year. I really didn't care, but then I got

mad because the next time he called me on my birthday he acted like nothing

happened! WTH? I am back to not caring, but then again he only calls about once

a year.

Is it possible for you to look up this person yourself? Personally I think she

doesn't want to own up to what she did so she is using somebody else as her

thing to try and get you to do what she wants. She may not even care that they

are sick, and it's highly possible they are not as sick as she claims. My nada

claimed to be having surgery to try and get me to come to her in fact she was

only getting a shot, my dad justified her and said " shots are a form of surgery

because it is invasive to the body " ROTFL! Sorry if I sound angry, I am just

thinking what would my nada do? And then I answer. If you want to deal with her

again respond, just think about her motives. If I were in your shoes before I

would respond, I would first contact the sick person on my own, and let nada

know I contacted the sick person without her. It will show your strength. Good

luck

>

> I stopped verbally and emotionally tiptoeing around my nada, we had a fight

and she has been NC with me for about a year (during which time I gave birth to

her only granddaughter). She sent a birthday card to my other kids and in it

wrote to me that she " felt compellled " to tell me that an old family friend was

ill and that the prognosis was " dire " . I'm supposed to write back or call to

find out how this person is right? and that way she can get me back involved in

her life without having to address her behavior that led to NC?

>

[Guest guest]

I'm trying to figure out how to type a big, loud, sucking noise.

Oh, yeah. Classic hoover.

My father received a scary (near-terminal) diagnosis from his doc when I went

NC. Which was nothing but a figment of her imagination. I think about 8 other

family members got " really sick " during that time, too. They were all on

death's door.

Funny--they are all just fine now, 2 years later . . .

Good catch!!!

>

> I stopped verbally and emotionally tiptoeing around my nada, we had a fight

and she has been NC with me for about a year (during which time I gave birth to

her only granddaughter). She sent a birthday card to my other kids and in it

wrote to me that she " felt compellled " to tell me that an old family friend was

ill and that the prognosis was " dire " . I'm supposed to write back or call to

find out how this person is right? and that way she can get me back involved in

her life without having to address her behavior that led to NC?

>