Guest guest Posted June 25, 2008 Report Share Posted June 25, 2008 Hi Sorry to hear you are in such pain and loneliness. Has you doctor put you on medications for your depression/anxiety. I you are on meds. you my need them increased or changed. Mine were not working for me so he increased my dosage. Do you talk to a psychologist.? Talking to someone is starting to help me with my problems and fears As far as your fibro. I feel sorry for you that is so painful to live with everyday. Have you checked with your insurance to see if they cover chronic pain. You could describe what type of pain without saying fibro and you could also try mental disease. Some insurance companies won't take depression as a symptom. Read your handbook see what they cover. I hope this helps. Good luck Toni - I am sinking into a bad place. I can't sleep and have been on so many meds. None seem to help. Pain is not that bad. Skelaxin and lortabs have the pain and rigidity under control. Also take thyroid. I am 58 with a very old house in need of repairs and can't find anyone to help me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 25, 2008 Report Share Posted June 25, 2008 What can I do...Where can I get help? Cyrilla wrote the above I am a Pastor's wife and thought perhaps I can help you with this problem. First the churches will not help you I am pretty sure. This is the reason. At most churches we will get at least 10-13 calls a day for help from people who never darken the doors of our church ever! Everyone wants help, but people never come to keep those doors open. No one pays for the lights, the phone or the basic bills or even the salary of the pastor yet everyone wants help. They do nothing to provide for the yearly upkeep of the church they want help from. Where do these people think the money comes from? So most churches now have the policy of they only help those who faithfully attend the church or of helping those who used to attend until their health interfered with their attendance. That is probably why no one has called you back. Churches are overwhelmed with requests for help and 99% of those requests are abusers and those who do not need the help. The policy of most churches is the saddest stories are not true and usually that is the case. In our home we get personally an average of three calls a day asking for help because our phone number is listed in the phone book under Rev. We really wish it was not, but for other reasons it needs to be. The majority of churches are also connected to a computer system so they know when people are calling church after church to get help. In most areas, I was a social worker for 16 years and am still very active by phone in this line of work, the Red Cross has a plan set up to help people do things like you described. Also you can call the number 211 which is a nation wide number for United Way and they will connect you with people in your area who do for free the type of things that you need done. If you know the United Way numbers in your area just call them direct and they can help you. If you have a Senior Center in your area that also is a good place to start looking for help. Many highs schools once school starts will do a project like this for the experience but you need to contact them now and don't wait until school starts. Don't talk to the secretary, they really cannot help you ask for the superintendent if the school is small or the principal if the school is large. Since you have a grown son who lives there more than likely he will have to be involved in the work unless he is physically unable. (as in a wheelchair) Then they will have him pull nails or something like that. You of course will not be able to choose things like colors of paint and how things are redone but it will be top notch remodel for example. I hope this has helped you understand the problems you are having. I really do feel for you and wish I was where you are so I could help, course don't know what I could do, but at least I could hold your hand and cry with you! Gwen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 25, 2008 Report Share Posted June 25, 2008 Gwen, I'm so glad you wrote all of this out. My husband is a pastor and right now we are at a church where he is the pastors assistant. There was a lady at out last church that came and gave a sad story to us, so we took her to the grocery store and bought some food for her and her family. She also said that she needed cash to pay the electric bill. We told her to meet us at the bank on Monday morning with her electric bill and we would get the cash and send it in for her. Guess what? She never showed up at the bank. haha The church we go to now is quite a bit larger than our previous one and they get phone calls and visitors all day long through out the week. Our pastor tells them to come to church on Sunday and the congregation would take a vote on whether or not to help them out. Ha ha, they never show up. The same woman that visited us at our previous church made a call on our new church. We instantly recognized her and that ended that. Come to find out, this is how she made her living. So Gwen is right. We don't know who to trust, so asking them to church will usually let us know if they for sure need the help. I also wish I could help you but like so many of us CPer's have so many medical bills we do good to help ourselves. I wish you the best. Hugs & Prayers, Carol (OK) > Gwen wrote: > I am a Pastor's wife and thought perhaps I can help you with this problem. First the churches will not help you I am pretty sure. This is the reason. At most churches we will get at least 10-13 calls a day for help from people who never darken the doors of our church ever! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 26, 2008 Report Share Posted June 26, 2008 In a message dated 6/26/2008 1:35:03 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, boomersoonercriley@... writes: We don't know who to trust, so asking them to church will usually let us know if they for sure need the help. Well i have another theory from my own experience. After all my surgeries and being bed ridden for two years and on and on, I was not a church abiding christian and more I am back slidden and I couldn't go to church because I was so embarrassed because this is a small town and I was the treasure of the chamber and knew to many people and I did not want them to know my business. MyraAnne Healey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 26, 2008 Report Share Posted June 26, 2008 Thanks to all who took a moment to help. I am still lost and overwhelmed. I have tried explaining to the church secretary's the chronic pain, and the fact that I need a church home, but looking for one is exhausting. I have asked to just be able to make an appointment to come talk to someone. I am not asking for money of material items. While I am working I can take care of myself. I am just wanting to find a home without having to try 14 churches in the next year. I want a family now. I don't think I qualify for any help from any crisis or helplines since I am gainfully employed. My anxiety comes from being alone, and wondering what will happen when the day comes I can't go to work. 10 years ago I lost everything and moved to the wrong side of town and bought a falling down house that I have been working on ever since. I fear being homeless. I have always been such a fighter I didn't think I wouldn't surface from this...but I am getting worse. I have borrowed money to pay for some of the repairs but can't seem to get things done. Everyone is too busy taking care of their own families and their own problems. I ran a volunteer group for 4 years. I never said no to anyone. How do I get out of this spin cycle? And yes I have tried every antidepressant there is...they all make me very sick...and add to the exhaustion. I just finished a trial run of wellbutrin. I have been on and off them for 10 years. I haven't had a week off in 9 years...and I have only had 1 1/2 days vacation in the last year. I am afraid to stop for fear I will lose my paycheck. I have anxiety since it is 8 years before I can get Medicaid insurance. I know I can retire at 62 or 63 but that's another 4 or 5 years. How do you keep going? Cyrilla Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 26, 2008 Report Share Posted June 26, 2008 Cyrilla, I can't do anything to help your situation other than to tell you you are not alone. This whole group is very supportive and I've noticed that already some have given you some suggestions. As they say--gentle hugs! Becky in Illinois Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 26, 2008 Report Share Posted June 26, 2008 Cyrilla, > > I am sinking into a bad place. I can't sleep and have been on so many > meds. None seem to help. Pain is not that bad. Skelaxin and lortabs > have the pain and rigidity under control. Also take thyroid. I am 58 > with a very old house in need of repairs and can't find anyone to help > me. > > My doctor is out of town. I have an appointment for the > 1st. I can't take the exhaustion, and the mental confusion, and I > can't stand that I can't stay organized anymore. Everything is huge > effort. I can't end up homeless. My anxiety is high. > > My disability insurance at work specifically excludes Fibromyalgia. > How can they do that. What can I do...Where can I get help? > > Cyrilla > Cyrilla, I do not know if I wrote you but please call 411 and ask for the United Way and they have many services in your town that will help. I did not find out about this untold recently when my 40 year old neice was found to have two acoustic nueromoa (tumors that are not malignant but life threatening). Doctors had missed them for years because the symptoms she was giving could be explained by her epilepsy and the seizures she had. She had ringing though and she went in and the doctor said she had a red spot on her ear canal which was incdictive of his disorder. When she had her MRIS this area of her ear (she had had many brain MRI's ) they found these huge tumors wrapped around her jugular on one side and carotid on the other side. They were so entangled they could not be removed and she had to be sent t o the House Center in California for gamma knife surgery and radiation. They were not able t to get it all and she has lost her job, her insurance, her income and she is a single parent. I was able t go down and help her get her SSI and try to help that way. But I called the epilepsy organization and they told me to call the United Way and they did find some financial help, they have care takers etc. SO please do this. Also please you call the suicide hotline because that is very close t to what you are feeling, they have resources listed that will be able to help you. We all have bee in that low place. Especially ME as I have hypothyroid and you MAY be experiencing a thyroid crisis which will make you feel more lethargic, and will also explain many of the symptoms you have NOT fibromylagia ! Lethargy, depression,confused thinking, fatigue depression. I had to get my doctor to write my disability insurance company and get them to reconsider my claim as they tried to blame it on my back problems from before but I proved that my current disability was from my sacral iliac disorder caused by an auto accident. I even had to send them pictures of them doing my job after my spinal fusion as they wanted proof that I was able to do my job after my back surgery so that they could say that it was indeed my sacral ilac joint disorder not my back. The only thing I had was pictures my students had taken of me teaching the class one week after I came back from my spinal fusion surgery. These pictures and letters from my co-workers got my review approved. So, it is time consuming but worth it. Go back and have your medical records reviewed (do this yourself if you do not trust you doctor) and get the information that the symptoms of your request for disability be reconsidered as these are the same symptoms caused by thyroid problems. http://thyroid.about.com has extensive information and chat rooms to substantiate this. I have found the about.com websites great. All you do is type in the subject you want to research and put about.com after it and they will have information about it in a concise readable format. Instead of listing these symptoms as your fibromylagia, you need to list it as symptoms with your thyroid. I almost DIED because of my thyroid problems and the group here knows I beat this dead horse but if it will help you get medical care, assistance, and the help you need, I will keep beating that dead horse. Make your doctor do a complete work up on you labs to include b12, vitamin d, Calcium and other values. I just saw my pain doctor last week and he was lecturing me because my levels were so low and they were not increasing them often enough. He has been in the field for forty years and remembers when they increased them every 2 to four weeks and now doctors won't increase your thyroid medicine but every six weeks. Also, my pain doctor gave me an article on the relationship on Estrogen in women and pain levels. Since I had my heart checked out and it is ok, he wants me to go back on my hormone replacement therapy. I agree as I started remembering and my thyroid problems did not start happening until I went off it ! Weird, isn't it ? I need to know how to send this article to group and I will try to post in feeling archives. Will let you know. This is what the world should be about ! But also know if you do not let anyone know, they cannot help. It might not be your son, as I hide things from my son also, but you must let someone know. Also, you must do this so that your doctor documents in your records so you can get assistance from your insurance company. Later on, if you file for disability, this documentation will help win your case as they consider mental health issues. Please refrain from saying all symptoms are from your fibromylagia as if you do, the doctor will write your symptoms and it is just the same and you may get your care paid for and prescriptions paid for. It is the same difference in this instance and these symptoms MAY be something besides fibromylagia. There is another website called wrong diagnosis.com and you can type in a disease or disorder and it will give you lists of diseases and disorders with the same symptoms. The more you do research on your own, the stronger you become as an advocate in your health. You cannot do it though when you are feeling as down as you are now, and it seems that is when we are called on to do things we do not have the strength or finances to do. We also cannot have the health to work and get those finances. , Hope this information helps and I will help however I can. Let us know how you get to feeling but you must get some type of relief to heal, if you need to change doctors, start now ! No one should go through what we go through alone, this is why this group is so important to me. I can type in my concerns any time of night or day and some one ( insomniacs in pain like myself, Thanks Lyndi) will answer giving me information or making me feel better. Sorry this is so long, but I felt the same way. Luckily, I have the support of my wonderful husband I have now. This has not been the case in the past with the ex I had so I feel like I have " paid my dues " to speak on this subject. Big, gentle hugs, to you and please e mail me anytime I can help. This is one thing we all can do for each other, encourage,share our experiences, and resources we have come to find in our journey in pain. I am sorry this is log but I wanted to let you know anything I know that might help you. Bennie > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 26, 2008 Report Share Posted June 26, 2008 Bennie wrote: > I do not know if I wrote you but please call 411 and ask for the United > Way and they have many services in your town that will help. Dialling 211 will connect you with a complete source of local agencies that offer services. Lots of the agencies participating under 211 are not part of the United Way. The United Way itself does not have much in the way of services. Their main job is to raise funds for non profit agencies. The participating certified agencies, that the United Way raises funds for, are the one that offer the services. They are associated with and certified by, the United Way, but are not the United Way. Hope that clears that up :-) -- Lyndi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 21, 2009 Report Share Posted June 21, 2009 Hi everyone - I've spent a lot of time reading posts here and am understanding more and more how big this problem is - I've been in therapy for a year and still have a ways to go and I'm 55 years old!!! Now the problem has expanded to my daughter who has been badly hurt by my nada via an email - my nada's favorite way of lashing out - and my daughter, who is 33, wants to basically find a way of communicating to her grandma just how much she has seen over the years - or at least in part - and basically tell her to stop mailing or writing etc. I would like the same thing - because her words have torn me down for a lifetime but right now I'm far more concerned with my daughter who not only has a nasty grandma but a beastly father who has been unbelievably cruel to her. Any words of wisdom - advice - even a way of helping me open up this conversation would be very much appreciated! I'm just broken down. In addition, my son is more like me - very much a non-confrontational guy - and when my x-husband was so abusive to my dautghter verbally my son kicked him out of his house (where the abuse was taking place) but then actually called him for Fathers day which my daughter sees as a betrayal and that's hurting her too - I'm probably sounding crazy - but I really don't know what to do or who to turn to and your postings here have been so beneficial to each other. Either way thank you for listening!!! Change settings via the Web (Yahoo! ID required) Change settings via email: Switch delivery to Daily Digest | Switch format to Traditional Visit Your Group | Yahoo! Groups Terms of Use | Unsubscribe Recent Activity 15 New Members Visit Your Group Share Photos Put your favorite photos and more online. Dog Groups on Yahoo! Groups discuss everything related to dogs. Yahoo! Groups Mom Power Community just for Moms Join the discussion . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 21, 2009 Report Share Posted June 21, 2009 Me personally, I think that the only real solution is to detach from our family of origin if they are mentally ill in order to protect our own mental health. We have to stop looking for validation from and attachment to our personality disordered parents. Our society and culture tells us that we need to be close to our parents and relatives, but that does not work if our parents and relatives have mental illnesses/personality disorders. Attachment only makes sense if the family of origin is mentally healthy. If I were you, I'd encourage your daughter to detach emotionally from her grandmother and from her father. I'd tell her that what they think and believe is irrelevant. I'd tell her to consider the source: if a put-down comes from someone who is mentally ill, then it has very little to do with reality. -Annie > > Hi everyone - I've spent a lot of time reading posts here and am understanding more and more how big this problem is - I've been in therapy for a year and still have a ways to go and I'm 55 years old!!! Now the problem has expanded to my daughter who has been badly hurt by my nada via an email - my nada's favorite way of lashing out - and my daughter, who is 33, wants to basically find a way of communicating to her grandma just how much she has seen over the years - or at least in part - and basically tell her to stop mailing or writing etc. I would like the same thing - because her words have torn me down for a lifetime but right now I'm far more concerned with my daughter who not only has a nasty grandma but a beastly father who has been unbelievably cruel to her. > > Any words of wisdom - advice - even a way of helping me open up this conversation would be very much appreciated! I'm just broken down. In addition, my son is more like me - very much a non-confrontational guy - and when my x-husband was so abusive to my dautghter verbally my son kicked him out of his house (where the abuse was taking place) but then actually called him for Fathers day which my daughter sees as a betrayal and that's hurting her too - > > I'm probably sounding crazy - but I really don't know what to do or who to turn to and your postings here have been so beneficial to each other. Either way thank you for listening!!! > > > > > > > > Change settings via the Web (Yahoo! ID required) > > Change settings via email: Switch delivery to Daily Digest | Switch format to Traditional > > > > Visit Your Group > | > > Yahoo! Groups Terms of Use | > > Unsubscribe > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Recent Activity > > > 15 > New Members > > > > > > > > > > Visit Your Group > > > > > > Share Photos > Put your favorite > photos and > more online. > > Dog Groups > on Yahoo! Groups > discuss everything > related to dogs. > > Yahoo! Groups > Mom Power > Community just for Moms > Join the discussion > > > > > . > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 21, 2009 Report Share Posted June 21, 2009 Hello, I'm 52 years old and starting this journey as well. From what I've seen thru firsthand experience and read thru the posts of others, your daughter is going to try to talk some sense into someone incapable of hearing it. Your nada will never admit to or see her part in any problem, she will always play victim when confronted with her bad behavior and turn it all around and blame the other person. Might as well talk to the chair, it'll be more satisfying. I think if your daughter or you want to stop contact with your nada, it might be better to just do it...no explanation is needed except to give yourselves permission to avoid nada and future abuse. Decide for yourselves what you will and will not allow...and then stand by that decision. Nada isn't going to be happy either way, and giving her any excuses will only serve to fuel her rampages. Block her email address from your accounts, use called ID to screen your phone calls, and stop responding to any of her attempts to contact you. Nadas never take these things lying down and say " Oh, you're done with me...well I wish you well, have a nice life. " NO. Nada's are nadas and they never change their spots and stripes. K2 > > Hi everyone - I've spent a lot of time reading posts here and am understanding more and more how big this problem is - I've been in therapy for a year and still have a ways to go and I'm 55 years old!!! Now the problem has expanded to my daughter who has been badly hurt by my nada via an email - my nada's favorite way of lashing out - and my daughter, who is 33, wants to basically find a way of communicating to her grandma just how much she has seen over the years - or at least in part - and basically tell her to stop mailing or writing etc. I would like the same thing - because her words have torn me down for a lifetime but right now I'm far more concerned with my daughter who not only has a nasty grandma but a beastly father who has been unbelievably cruel to her. > > Any words of wisdom - advice - even a way of helping me open up this conversation would be very much appreciated! I'm just broken down. In addition, my son is more like me - very much a non-confrontational guy - and when my x-husband was so abusive to my dautghter verbally my son kicked him out of his house (where the abuse was taking place) but then actually called him for Fathers day which my daughter sees as a betrayal and that's hurting her too - > > I'm probably sounding crazy - but I really don't know what to do or who to turn to and your postings here have been so beneficial to each other. Either way thank you for listening!!! > > > > > > > > Change settings via the Web (Yahoo! ID required) > > Change settings via email: Switch delivery to Daily Digest | Switch format to Traditional > > > > Visit Your Group > | > > Yahoo! Groups Terms of Use | > > Unsubscribe > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Recent Activity > > > 15 > New Members > > > > > > > > > > Visit Your Group > > > > > > Share Photos > Put your favorite > photos and > more online. > > Dog Groups > on Yahoo! Groups > discuss everything > related to dogs. > > Yahoo! Groups > Mom Power > Community just for Moms > Join the discussion > > > > > . > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 21, 2009 Report Share Posted June 21, 2009 Thank you Annie and K2 - your words of advice are excellent! I have been so blind for so many years - and now that I've put up boundaries the word is spreading to relatives that I'm the evil one. Someone who behaves as our nada's do sure has the world fooled don't they? Sweet and adorable in the presence of most, but cruel and manipulative to those of us who would just enjoy authentic love. I know my daughter understands all of this but she feels the need for closure after all this time. My nada even flirts with my daughters husband because he is ... oh who knows - it's really strange. But I know you are right - it will go on deaf ears and she will, once again, be the victim in her eyes. We also have that wedding coming up and I just can hardly take the idea of dealing with this. Subject: Re: I NEED HELP To: WTOAdultChildren1 Date: Sunday, June 21, 2009, 4:43 PM Hello, I'm 52 years old and starting this journey as well. From what I've seen thru firsthand experience and read thru the posts of others, your daughter is going to try to talk some sense into someone incapable of hearing it. Your nada will never admit to or see her part in any problem, she will always play victim when confronted with her bad behavior and turn it all around and blame the other person. Might as well talk to the chair, it'll be more satisfying. I think if your daughter or you want to stop contact with your nada, it might be better to just do it...no explanation is needed except to give yourselves permission to avoid nada and future abuse. Decide for yourselves what you will and will not allow...and then stand by that decision. Nada isn't going to be happy either way, and giving her any excuses will only serve to fuel her rampages. Block her email address from your accounts, use called ID to screen your phone calls, and stop responding to any of her attempts to contact you. Nadas never take these things lying down and say " Oh, you're done with me...well I wish you well, have a nice life. " NO. Nada's are nadas and they never change their spots and stripes. K2 > > Hi everyone - I've spent a lot of time reading posts here and am understanding more and more how big this problem is - I've been in therapy for a year and still have a ways to go and I'm 55 years old!!! Now the problem has expanded to my daughter who has been badly hurt by my nada via an email - my nada's favorite way of lashing out - and my daughter, who is 33, wants to basically find a way of communicating to her grandma just how much she has seen over the years - or at least in part - and basically tell her to stop mailing or writing etc. I would like the same thing - because her words have torn me down for a lifetime but right now I'm far more concerned with my daughter who not only has a nasty grandma but a beastly father who has been unbelievably cruel to her. > > Any words of wisdom - advice - even a way of helping me open up this conversation would be very much appreciated! I'm just broken down. In addition, my son is more like me - very much a non-confrontational guy - and when my x-husband was so abusive to my dautghter verbally my son kicked him out of his house (where the abuse was taking place) but then actually called him for Fathers day which my daughter sees as a betrayal and that's hurting her too - > > I'm probably sounding crazy - but I really don't know what to do or who to turn to and your postings here have been so beneficial to each other. Either way thank you for listening!!! > > > > > > > > Change settings via the Web (Yahoo! ID required) > > Change settings via email: Switch delivery to Daily Digest | Switch format to Traditional > > > > Visit Your Group > | > > Yahoo! Groups Terms of Use | > > Unsubscribe > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Recent Activity > > >  15 > New Members > > > > > > > > > > Visit Your Group > > > > > > Share Photos > Put your favorite > photos and > more online. > > Dog Groups > on Yahoo! Groups > discuss everything > related to dogs. > > Yahoo! Groups > Mom Power > Community just for Moms > Join the discussion > > > > > . > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 21, 2009 Report Share Posted June 21, 2009 It is hard for many of us not only to reject our nadas, but also to have the rest of our family think badly of us for doing so. And it is especially difficult when we have been the receivers of abuse, but are accused of being the perpetrators. It can make us feel outrage that we are not heard and that the truth is thwarted. Somehow we have to let it be okay that others will think poorly of us. That they judge us without all the facts should be their problem, not ours. Can your daughter join you in therapy? It may be better for her to have the needed conversations in a trusted environment so she can begin to realize the futility of attempting some kind of closure with her grandnada. You are not alone in the later in life discovery of the cause of your suffering. So many of us have tried for most of our lives to understand what has plagued our hearts and our families. Take it one day at a time and remember that you deserve to be treated well and so does your daughter. But also, often trying to have that last conversation will end in nothing more than maddening frustration. Perhaps your therapist can give you some guidance. Best of luck in your journey. Jaye > > Hi everyone - I've spent a lot of time reading posts here and am understanding more and more how big this problem is - I've been in therapy for a year and still have a ways to go and I'm 55 years old!!! Now the problem has expanded to my daughter who has been badly hurt by my nada via an email - my nada's favorite way of lashing out - and my daughter, who is 33, wants to basically find a way of communicating to her grandma just how much she has seen over the years - or at least in part - and basically tell her to stop mailing or writing etc. I would like the same thing - because her words have torn me down for a lifetime but right now I'm far more concerned with my daughter who not only has a nasty grandma but a beastly father who has been unbelievably cruel to her. > > Any words of wisdom - advice - even a way of helping me open up this conversation would be very much appreciated! I'm just broken down. In addition, my son is more like me - very much a non-confrontational guy - and when my x-husband was so abusive to my dautghter verbally my son kicked him out of his house (where the abuse was taking place) but then actually called him for Fathers day which my daughter sees as a betrayal and that's hurting her too - > > I'm probably sounding crazy - but I really don't know what to do or who to turn to and your postings here have been so beneficial to each other. Either way thank you for listening!!! > > > > > > > > Change settings via the Web (Yahoo! ID required) > > Change settings via email: Switch delivery to Daily Digest | Switch format to Traditional > > > > Visit Your Group > | > > Yahoo! Groups Terms of Use | > > Unsubscribe > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Recent Activity > > > 15 > New Members > > > > > > > > > > Visit Your Group > > > > > > Share Photos > Put your favorite > photos and > more online. > > Dog Groups > on Yahoo! Groups > discuss everything > related to dogs. > > Yahoo! Groups > Mom Power > Community just for Moms > Join the discussion > > > > > . > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 21, 2009 Report Share Posted June 21, 2009 Thank you ! Your words are very powerful and accurate - for my sake I need to reject and remove myself from her claws. I need to stop giving her the power to affect me the way she does. I just received another manipulative message from her that digs in again and the painful thing is I can never respond because it just makes things worse. These nasty nada's sure do not fight fair but they do fight. I talked to my daughter and about meeting with my therapist - that was a great suggestion - I think we both realize that she cannot necessarily gain any closure with this but she CAN set the boundaries and tell my mother to stop writing and sending cards. I'm going to have to do the same thing I guess. This process often feels like two steps forward and three steps back - but I'm hoping that changes soon. Everyone in this group is wonderful and I thank you! Subject: Re: I NEED HELP To: WTOAdultChildren1 Date: Sunday, June 21, 2009, 9:17 PM It is hard for many of us not only to reject our nadas, but also to have the rest of our family think badly of us for doing so. And it is especially difficult when we have been the receivers of abuse, but are accused of being the perpetrators. It can make us feel outrage that we are not heard and that the truth is thwarted. Somehow we have to let it be okay that others will think poorly of us. That they judge us without all the facts should be their problem, not ours. Can your daughter join you in therapy? It may be better for her to have the needed conversations in a trusted environment so she can begin to realize the futility of attempting some kind of closure with her grandnada. You are not alone in the later in life discovery of the cause of your suffering. So many of us have tried for most of our lives to understand what has plagued our hearts and our families. Take it one day at a time and remember that you deserve to be treated well and so does your daughter. But also, often trying to have that last conversation will end in nothing more than maddening frustration. Perhaps your therapist can give you some guidance. Best of luck in your journey. Jaye > > Hi everyone - I've spent a lot of time reading posts here and am understanding more and more how big this problem is - I've been in therapy for a year and still have a ways to go and I'm 55 years old!!! Now the problem has expanded to my daughter who has been badly hurt by my nada via an email - my nada's favorite way of lashing out - and my daughter, who is 33, wants to basically find a way of communicating to her grandma just how much she has seen over the years - or at least in part - and basically tell her to stop mailing or writing etc. I would like the same thing - because her words have torn me down for a lifetime but right now I'm far more concerned with my daughter who not only has a nasty grandma but a beastly father who has been unbelievably cruel to her. > > Any words of wisdom - advice - even a way of helping me open up this conversation would be very much appreciated! I'm just broken down. In addition, my son is more like me - very much a non-confrontational guy - and when my x-husband was so abusive to my dautghter verbally my son kicked him out of his house (where the abuse was taking place) but then actually called him for Fathers day which my daughter sees as a betrayal and that's hurting her too - > > I'm probably sounding crazy - but I really don't know what to do or who to turn to and your postings here have been so beneficial to each other. Either way thank you for listening!!! > > > > > > > > Change settings via the Web (Yahoo! ID required) > > Change settings via email: Switch delivery to Daily Digest | Switch format to Traditional > > > > Visit Your Group > | > > Yahoo! Groups Terms of Use | > > Unsubscribe > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Recent Activity > > >  15 > New Members > > > > > > > > > > Visit Your Group > > > > > > Share Photos > Put your favorite > photos and > more online. > > Dog Groups > on Yahoo! Groups > discuss everything > related to dogs. > > Yahoo! Groups > Mom Power > Community just for Moms > Join the discussion > > > > > . > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.